


Perspective

by MsGeekNerd



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Fluff, I promise, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, PTSD, Past Relationships, The Update, WHAT?????, awkward teens, but it's from bro, but like, but yeah don't worry about slurs overall, dave being confused, eventually, he doesn't even show up in this, its just Dave's memory of him, its not a sad ending, karkat being confused, karkat not saying ableist things????, like he hasn't in cannon since he was thirteen???, mysogyny from bro, no ableist slurs!!!, no slurs though, relationship building, well I mean p--sy is one, what???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 17:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 85
Words: 63,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4357175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsGeekNerd/pseuds/MsGeekNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ORIGINALLY TITLED:<br/>In which Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas are Bored as Hell and Eventually Grow Close to Each Other in Multiple Ways</p><p>Karkat wants nothing more then to be entertained, Dave can supply that entertainment.</p><p>A story of friendship turned crush between my favorite dorks.</p><p>Act one: complete<br/>Intermission one: complete<br/>Act two: complete<br/>Intermission two: complete<br/>Act three: complete</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Upside Down

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I wrote a Drabble and decided to make it a story. Bare with me and please tell me what you think and how I can improve.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are currently face-to-face with the offending red converse of one Dave Strider. You've never understood fashion. As long as the clothes cover as much as possible, don't restrain your movement, and are overall comfortable, like your practical and serviceable turtleneck, you're fine with wearing them. Sure, you prefer darker colors because personally, you think it's stupid to prance around the meteor like an idiot drug-ridden clown worshipper's wet dream, but that's where the fashion statement ends. 

It doesn't bother you much that people like different outfits from time to time, but what completely escapes your thinkpan is why in the name of the fucking mother grub people care so much about footwear.

You have exactly one pair of shoes. They're grey, good for running, and comfortable as fuck. They have arch support and ankle support so there is no possible way your feet could ever get injured because of them. And when they start to wear out? You alchemize a new pair. Exactly the same as the ones preceding them. So you can go ahead and add needless shoe-wear to the ever growing list of things that annoy you about Dave.

The man has shoes for his god tier outfit alone. Shoes that were quite literally _made_ for him specifically. If you had shoes that skaia had decided to bless you with that were _meant_ to be worn on your personal feet you'd never take them off. Not that you're jealous.

"Kitkat, not that it isn't incredible to be _honored_ by your esteemed presence or whatever-the-fuck-else you're probably going to say I should be grateful for, but I've gotta ask, what the fuck are you doing?" Dave muses, tilting his head down to look at you in your current position.

You frown back up at him. "If it isn't entirely fucking obvious to you, you might want to clean those ridiculous hipster bullshit sunglasses that you insist on wearing indoors where, shocker, there's no sun. No wait, you insist on wearing them indoors on a meteor hurtling through paradox space that is, quite frankly, already thousands of millions of units of measurement away from the only sun we've come into contact with this entire ass-backwards expedition for menial fucking asslickers like yourself. But since you're horrendously slow, allow me to spell it out for you: I'm hanging upside down off the side of the couch." You reply, purposefully stretching out the last sentence to get it through his rotted thinkpan.

"I gathered that. I also gathered that someone woke up on the wrong side of the creepy alien goop pod this morning and has decided to be hostile. Like a certain Maryam who's tired of your vapid bullshit and has decided to fork out the lipstick chainsaw of death. The difference being you've got to be a real big pain in the ass for Kan to lose her shit on you. I'm talking like, your ass just got straight up branded by a hot iron, or used as a cutting board for a reckless, happy go lucky chef who's holding the biggest grudge against food in general. That type of pain. You on the other hand, I asked a question. And you are well aware that the implied question underneath that question was: why." He explains dryly. You roll your eyes, lifting your arms to cross them over your chest. It was hurting your neck to twist it upwards to meet his gaze so you just start talking to his obnoxious shoes.

"Look around this room Strider, really take it all in with your gander bulbs. What do you see?"

"A couch, a rug that Kanaya and Rose threw down here, the alien version of a laptop and hanging carpet things on the walls that attempt to cover up the miserable grey color of concrete that surrounds this place," Dave deadpans.

"They're called tapestries, but you're wrong anyway. What you see is the never ending void that is my life at the present moment. There is nothing here. There is nothing to do because how can you do things when there is an absence of all existing things? Entertainment is not even a concept in this vast cold land of utter disappointment. So I have decided to shake things up a bit and turn the world around. Maybe if enough blood rushes to my horns my entire head will explode and end my misery." You say, dropping your arms uselessly to the ground once more.

"Well if that's the way it's gonna be, you leave me no choice," he says, flopping down on the couch next to you and hanging in a similar fashion, except far more dramatic. 

He crosses his arms over his chest with determination "Can't leave you here to die alone. Goodbye cruel meteor, tell my sister to go fuck herself and that she can't have my room. That shit needs to be made into a fucking museum. Once we land it must be shown to all, far and wide. Hell, before we land it should be an attraction throughout the dream bubbles. Come see the former dwelling of the coolest dude to ever live, to ever breathe this fine air, to ever walk these depressing and cold hallways. It'll be a sensation. All over the entirety of existence people will be flocking to see it. But man, you sure you wanna go exploding on us right about now? I mean, the mayor will miss the shit out of you. He just opened a new section of cantown just for you. It's got a movie theater and a bookstore. The bookstore's even got a section for confusing-as-fuck Alternian romance novels only. And they're organized up nice by quadrant, but the system is fucked over to all hell with a crowbar without you to manage it. Books about sexy hate and bro love will be put in the pity dates and cock blocking section. It'll be a tragedy. The biggest tragedy to ever be recorded in the history of cantown all because you, my nubby friend, decided to go and-" he rambles, but you cover his mouth with your hand.

"If I go to cantown will you shut up?" You ask. He shrugs and you sigh deeply, releasing him and rolling off the couch and onto the floor.

"Fine..." 


	2. Karkalicious Avenue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cantown shenanigans

"No!" You squawk.

"Yes!" He counters.

" _No_!"

" _Yes_!"

"I said no Strider, now back the fuck off" You repeat firmly, attempting to wrench the chalk out of Dave's hand.

"And I said yes. I'm glad we understand the words that are coming out of each other's mouths. Gimme the chalk" he states stubbornly.

"No fucking way. You will have to step over my cold, mutilated corpse before I let you defile one of cantown's most honorable establishments with your filth" you tug harshly on the chalk, but he maintains his iron grip.

"My filth? Excuse the fuck out of you, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff is not mere filth. It is the most brilliant piece of shit comic to ever breathe life into a vomit inducingly terrible JPEG. It is a statement, Karkles. It proves that if something is ironically shitty enough it will become a gift to the masses. It's like fucking Christmas up in here. Or it will be once you let me advertise to the people of cantown that their very own Dave Strider will be doing SBAHJ signings at their local bookstore." He insists, tugging back. You almost lose your footing since you're both crouching over one of the many chalk streets. You fall to your knees, chalk dusting your knees, and begin to try and pull his fingers back.

"Like I said you're going to have to kill me if you want to ruin the credibility of the only god damn bookstore in this place. The Lusi of cantown will not want their wrigglers getting schoolfed in the same place where they are exposed to an abomination that dares to call itself literature. Crabdads and Dragonmoms alike will be crying out in agony at the horrible event taking place right under their very noses. Or snouts... Or whatever the fuck they happen to have under which horrible things may take place" you snarl.

"I am going to be the bigger person here and ignore that golden opportunity for an innuendo. Instead, I will simply ask you if you've noticed how green you've been getting lately, Mr. Grinch. Denying the children and wrigglers of their metaphorical Christmas. Is your heart two sizes too small? Are you pondering the purchase of a dog that you will name Max and use as your personal verbal punching bag and reindeer slave?" Dave asks in an accusatory manner. At this point in your scuffle the Mayor has noticed the disturbance among his people and rushes to temporarily relocate the surrounding homes and public centers for their own safety.

"May I remind you once again that no matter how many human pop culture references you throw at me I will never understand what the fuck you're talking about unless there is a strikingly similar troll equivalent. And there almost never is. If you're going to insinuate shit about me you might as well do it in terms I actually understand, you nook sniffing wastoid's illegitimate abandoned offspring" you point out.

He, of course, ignores you completely "Now Karks, you may be wondering, if you're the Grinch, who's to be your Cindy Loo-Hoo. That would be me. And as your personal small blonde hoo-child, it's my duty to bring back your Christmas spirit"

"Shove your human Christmas up your chapped ass" you declare, throwing your body weight onto the chalk in both on your hands. You succeed in pinning the chalk underneath you by laying on it, but you also end up imprisoning Dave's hands as well as your own. On the bright side, Dave, not expecting your sudden movement, has fallen flat on his face. You snicker at him.

"Oh it's so on Vantas" he says, letting go of the chalk and wiggling his hands out from under you. He pushes you over onto your back and begins tickling you mercilessly. His wiggling fingers are centered on your grub scars, so you have no other option than to burst into forced laughter. You drop the chalk and begin trying to wiggle away from Dave's hands, pushing at his shoulders and kicking your legs in his direction. Anything to make him stop and return oxygen to your lungs. The Mayor is frantic, pointing spastically at the two of you and then to the chalk street that you are currently demolishing with all your thrashing around. The entire sidewalk was probably rubbed into the back of your sweater by now. Dave just smirks as you gasp for air between bouts of laughter, the lack of oxygen making your escape attempts pathetically feeble.

"Stop" you beg, laughing still. Your cheeks begin to ache with the effort "you win. I give. Just, staaaaaahhhppp" Dave finally removes his hands from your sides, sitting with his feet tucked under him and smirking broadly at the panting, chalk-covered mess he made of you. You glare back up at him, slowly planning his demise in your mind. You feel recovered enough to pounce on him and get some revenge when the mayor begins poking your forehead insistently. You sit up and look at his small form. His arms are crossed over his chest and he taps his foot, looking at the two of you expectantly. Dave grins at you.

"Karcrab, I think you've got like, half of Karkalicious Avenue on your sweater right about now"

"And whose fucking fault is that I wonder?!" You ask, your voice dripping with sarcasm. The Mayor simply hands the two of you pieces of chalk and points down at the mangled street, looking extremely unimpressed. You both spend the rest of the day rebuilding Karkalicious Avenue up to a higher standard to make it up to the Mayor. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff signings will be taking place next week, as advertised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of an update, my beta for the last chapter, Ultimatum, hasn't really had time to beta this one so I'm just posting it. Check out his stuff if you have time though, he's supremely talented and a dear friend. School has started up again but I'll try my level best to get an update to all of you before long. Thank you to whoever is actually reading this. It means a lot.


	3. Faults

Your name is Karkat Vantas and today is just one of those days. Things have been a lot better lately. You aren't constantly intruding on someone's time with their significant other. Before you and Dave started hanging out on a daily basis, whether you were making improvements on cantown or just watching random movies together, you always had each other for company. You're starting to enjoy yourself without having to feel guilty.

It wasn't through any fault of your friends that you felt this way. Kanaya and Rose were always very welcoming of you whenever you got tired of Vriska's sass. You could tell they wanted to be alone together though, it was common knowledge on the meteor that they were making out whenever they got a moment free from the company of the others. Everyone knew this because one or both of them, probably Kanaya, felt it would be too improper or suggestive or something along those lines to promote such activities in the intimacy of one's own block. As a result of this, someone is subjected to the undeniable awkwardness of walking in on a Maryam-Lalonde suck fest every so often.

Well, awkward for everyone, but Vriska, who, as usual, has to be an obtuse irritating grub fucker about everything, and wolf whistles or makes a grotesque comment of some kind before finding another person to subject to her grueling presence. As for the topic of Vriska's grueling presence, the meteor would be much better off without her, you were sure of this until recently. You, Dave and Terezi could all hang out together without her snarky remarks and brutish attitude. It's one thing to insult others regularly as you do. What she does is entirely different. She targets the insecurities in others and uses that as leverage to drive them insane under the guise of making them stronger.

It wasn't doing much to help your dwindling sense of false self assurance. For a time you couldn't even pretend you still thought you were a fearless troll destined to be a kickass leader. You've been avoiding her for about a week now, bonding with Dave instead and unfortunately seeing nothing of Terezi. That is until today when you decided that you could handle Vriska because Dave has been such a positive influence on your mental state and you weren't going to spiral into the never ending void of self hatred and shame.

You promised yourself you wouldn't do that.

You wont do that.

 

Okay so maybe you lied. Everything was actually fine at first. You put up with Vriska's shit and you didn't let her stupid comments get to you, which was much easier to do with Dave there, rolling his eyes at her and snarking right back. You had a good balance with her and you were starting to enjoy Terezi's company again. That's when Vriska started listing all of her accomplishments since the three year voyage on this meteor began after a sarcastic comment from Dave. The horrible thing was, she was right. She _has_ done a lot since you took off. She's done a lot more than you ever did as a leader. She's kept everyone from going batshit and self destructing or killing people, which is something you never quite got the hang of while focusing on your own petty mission to bother some aliens in retaliation for a mistake they made. Which, in hindsight makes you a complete hypocrite, since it was your insistence to rush Kanaya that gave their stupid universe cancer anyways.

You couldn't help but notice just how easily she was doing your job for you and she was way better at it than you. You excused yourself, muttering some bullshit about having to meet Kanaya for something today.

Currently you're curled up in your block, the lights are off and you've buried yourself in a pile of incorrectly alchemized romantic comedies and romance novels. You really don't want to social interaction right now. You just want to wallow in the pit of your own misery. The thoughts are coming back. You miss them. Sollux, Nepeta, fucking Eridan, Tavros, Aradia and Feferi, even though you never got a chance to talk much, and even Equius, for whatever reason. The guilt is seeping in again. If you hadn't been such a shit leader they'd all be alive and with you here. Sollux and Aradia wouldn't be off god knows where in the dream bubbles. Nepeta would be enjoying the Mayor's company and role playing with Terezi while Equius watched with bullshit disapproval. You bet Dave would've liked Nepeta.

Fuck, and Dave. All the humans. They might still have their guardians if it weren't for you. They wouldn't have had you ordering your friends to fuck up their lives. You're even starting to feel ashamed for being the cause of that bird Dave. If not for your influence, that timeline wouldn't exist and Dave wouldn't have had to come back and fix shit.

Maybe you shouldn't have played the game.

Maybe everyone would be better off if you had died back on Alternia.

What good have you even done this whole time?

You hear a knock on your door and stiffen, wiping away tears that you don't remember being there and mentally berating yourself for crying like a pathetic little-

"Karkat, I know you're in there. Let me in" You heard Dave say from behind the door.

Just to clear the air and get him to stop wasting his time worrying about someone as useless as you, you get up and open it, after making sure you don't look like you've been crying.

"What?" you ask, sounding harsher than you meant to be.

"I thought you had something with Kanaya, why are you sitting alone in the dark man, you summoning demons or what?" he states, his face as impassive as ever.

"I was going to take a nap. I know that sleep may be a new concept to you, but news flash, it's a thing that trolls need" You snap. He's silent for a good moment or so, seemingly deciding what to do with you.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he finally says, looking tense. You shake your head silently and look down at your shoes. He's still not wearing his fucking god tier shoes. Asshole.

"Mario Kart?" he offers. You hesitate before pulling yourself together and turning on your heel to grab a blanket, wrapping it around your shoulders.

"Only if you're not afraid to get served like a, what is it you say all the goddamn time? A dude on butler island?" You say cockily.

"I've only said that like once, and you just bought yourself a one way ticket to said island of butlers. Not just any ticket. Two words. Delux fucking cruise. You'll be getting served before you even get there." He muses.

You trudge into the hallway and head with him to his block. "Delux fucking cruise is three words, idiot"

The two of you proceed to play round after round of Mario Kart and not talk about the fact that your eyes were still obviously puffy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom. Two updates in one day. Im amazing. Please tell me if there are any errors because this isn't edited by anyone. Enjoy our angsty teenager.


	4. Mario Kartkat

"All I'm saying is that Bowser's always kidnapping her, and Mario's always having to save her. I'm thinking they're in hateship for sure and Mario is their cockblocker, but only because he has a secret lovecrush on her and is super overprotective." Dave says decidedly.

You scoff, "As if. Peach and Bowser are obviously flushed and Mario is Peach's possessive moirail, who's starting to lean towards a hint of ashen maybe, but only because of his jealous nature. Peach is well aware that he doesn't feel that way about her"

"Okay, okay, we'll agree to disagree, but we both know that Peach and Bowser are doing the do." He compromises.

"Oh, of course they are, otherwise where the fuck did Bowser Jr. come from?" You state.

"Exactly!" He agrees. "You should help me talk to John about it once we land. He's set on living in his little world of childhood denial where giant dragon monsters don't fuck pretty princesses when they get the chance. I mean come on, Peach is hot, Bowser would be crazy not to want a piece of that"

You merely hum in agreement, laying your head back on the couch and closing your eyes contentedly. You and Dave had just finished what had become a ritual for you, mutually sucking at Mario Kart. Ever since that day when you had your stupid meltdown the two of you have played a couple hours every other day. You used to play everyday, until Dave started calling you Mario Kartkat. You then convinced him to do something else every other day so you could plausibly argue that the nickname had no basis because 'you didn't play yesterday.' Eventually the nickname was forgotten (thank the fucking mother grub) and every other day became routine.

"Hey Karks..." he asks tentatively.

"Karkat" you correct, not bothering to open your eyes and turn to look at him. You were comfortable right now. You would need something particularly intriguing to motivate you to move at all.

"Yeah, yeah, you know I just ignore you when you talk in third person" he dismisses, you growl half heartedly and he presses on "Anyways, wanna mix a song together?"

You are intrigued. You turn your head and look at him with wide, curious eyes. "Like on your turntables?"

"Those would be the tools of the trade, yeah"

"I thought I wasn't supposed to touch those"

"Yeah well, just don't scratch the shit out of them with your claws, no matter how ironically humorous that would be, considering how we ended our session. My tables don't need to suffer at the fault your unreasonably sharp finger nails"

"My talons are perfectly normal thank you very fucking much. You're the unreasonable one with your short blunt human finger casings. They're so _thin_. How the fuck are you supposed to fight with them? It's like trying to papercut your opponent to death. Although I suppose with your weak as fuck human skin you could draw blood if you were motivated enough. Your flat teeth really creep me out though. How do you even eat?" You ramble.

"Says Razor McShark mouth. Teeth and nails aside, the offer still stands, just handle my babies with care" he says

"No matter how much misinformation I may have been fed by you and your littermate about human offspring, I'm pretty sure that human males can't give birth. And even if they could or you somehow managed to seduce a human female into pailing with you with your tremendously horrible flirting skills that would probably produce a large amount of projectile vomiting rather than you ever 'gettin some', you could not possibly have hoped for her to produce a set of turntables from the depths of your human biology that no one wants to talk about" you accuse.

"Oh please, I could melt your sappy, hopeless romantic little alien heart right into your fuck boy shoes with my swagger. You'd be practically flinging yourself at me, writhing in agony about how much you wanted, no, needed the D" he argues.

You snort "maybe you should stop being delusional and direct me to your biologically impossible turntable children"

He laughs and stands, leading you to his block with a couple more back and forths about Dave's seduction skills until that conversation ended abruptly when Dave and his motor mouth accidentally implied that he could seduce Rose and then rambled under his breath that he would never even think of that. Then you, being the best person on the face of this meteor, informed him that he had to be thinking about it to even be able to say it. He responded by telling you rather loudly that, wouldn't you know, you'd arrived at the door to his block already and how you should talk over this amazing discovery and not anything else you were talking about before.

You laugh and drop it, walking inside and running your fingers carefully over the turntables. You frown uncertainly.

"How do they work?" You ask. He ignores you and grabs two folding chairs, setting them up in front of the turntables. He had to push away some amount of clutter to get the chairs to sit flat on the ground. Your face twists in disapproval at the state of Dave's room.

You've been in his room before and immediately started cleaning the place up before he stopped you. He said that he liked it messy because it reminded him of Earth. You weren't quite sure what that meant but you left it alone. It seemed important to him.

Nevertheless you mutter under your breath about how someone could trip on one of the stupid chords in this room and impale themselves on a sword as you almost trip on one yourself trying to get closer to the stupid tables.

Dave gives you a smug smile. "It's kind of something you have to figure out. Lemme set it up first"

He proceeds to plug and unplug a bunch of shit and drag his husktop over to plug that in too. A whole lot of plugging is happening and you don't have the slightest fucking clue about what the hell he's doing.

They had this shit on Alternia but it was mostly high blood crap. You guess when you're less worried about someone killing you constantly you can develop some musical talent.

Dave finally appears to be finished and gestures to one of the chairs. You take a seat and he briefly explains all the tools on the program he just pulled up. There are way too fucking many for you to remember what all of them do but you nod anyways.

He then tells you to just do your thing. You look at him skeptically.

"I was under the impression that the point of this was to teach me how to mix." You state.

"Yeah but like, it's not really an art form I can teach you. There's no textbook on this shit. Just move the tables until you get a sound you like." He says.

You roll your eyes and place a tentative hand on one table, moving it a bit. Nothing happens.

"Oh shit wait" Dave suddenly exclaims, the tips of his ears turning red. He grabs a pair of headphones for each of you and hands you your pair. "These might be important..." He mutters.

Your eye roll has graduated on the eye roll echeladder from boy skylark to fucking ecto babysitter. "Great job asshole" you spit sarcastically, putting on the headphones, careful of your horns.

You repeat your motion, moving the table and you jump when a strange zipping noise occurs. You can hear Dave's muffled laughter and you kick him under the table. You then get the pleasure of hearing his muffled curse. You just sort of move the tables back and forth, not really sure what the point of the zips are.

He shakes his head and shoos your hands away, leaning over to show you how it's done. Your knees press against each other and you feel your body freeze in place.

The thoughts run through your head like they used to constantly when you first got on the meteor. Back before all the bullshit with Gamzee happened and you were fresh from the game. You all had time to socialize and talk and... Touch.

It shouldn't be a big deal by now. You've been flat out hugged by Terezi before. Nepeta's tackled you to the ground. I mean sure you would've beheaded her with your sickles if she didn't have such excellent reflexes and once you realized she wasn't going to kill you, you sort of had a panic attack. But that was a while ago. The point is: you can be hugged now without freaking out. Sure you're still a little stiff, but Kanaya's hugged you many times since your fuckscapade across paradox space and you were fine. Its just.

Dave. You've never actually touched before. You've fought in the petty platonic sort of way, but it's never been anything without stupid ass intentions.

You feel really fucking moronic for thinking of knee touches as too intimate to handle, but your think pan is screaming. You have your guard down. That means you're vulnerable. That means you could get attacked. That means you could be found out except everyone fucking knows about your blood color and the humans have _the same shitty mutant color as you_ so you have literally nothing to worry about and why are you still thinking about this?

You take a deep breath quietly and relax. You spare a glance at Dave and it seems like he didn't notice your little freak out. This is good. He already knows way too much about your weaknesses as it is.

 

 


	5. Can't Outrun What's Already Here

_“KARKAT HELP!!!” You hear her scream tear at your ears. Your sickles are in your hands in moments. You trudge forward very slowly as if you’re walking waist deep in mud. You look down at your feet to see only the lab floor and curse under your breath. What the fuck is wrong with you? You struggle forward with all your might._

_“Hang on!! I’m coming for you!!” you yell desperately. Her answering scream is bloodcurdling and chills you to the bone._

_The resistance on you is gone._

_You run, but you know you’re too late. When you burst into the room you see what you always see. Nepeta is dead. It wasn’t a clean one. She suffered._

_You sink to your knees and cradle her body in your arms, your mutant red tears falling on her olive green stained form. You brush her hair out of her face, but some sticks inside the horrible gashes across her cheeks. You’re already covered in olive green. You would shake her and beg her to wake up, but somehow you know you’ve tried that before._

_It didn’t work._

_“You didn’t help me” You hear her whisper. You look up. She stands before you, blank white eyes staring down at you. You’d think you were in the dream bubbles except her injuries were still there and she was bleeding on the concrete below her._

_“I’m sorry. I tried” you sob pathetically._

_“You didn’t help any of us” Tavros says beside her, the same white eyes._

_“I know. I’m so sorry.” you say again._

_“You weren’t strong enough” Equius spits, staining the floor blue._

_“I want to go back! I want to change everything! I want to save you!” you yell, blinking rapidly to keep the blurry tears from your eyes._

_“It’ll happen to the rest you know” Eridan says, placing a violet covered hand on your shoulder._

_“No. No it won’t! I’ll make sure they all survive! Even if I have to die to keep them alive!” You practically scream._

_“Oh Karcrab” says Feferi “You won’t die. They’ll all die, yes. But you’ll stay alive for a long time after. You’ll be alone.”_

_“NO! I WON’T LET THAT HAPPEN!” You scream at them._

_“Now my invertabrother, look down” Gamzee slurs, purple gashes and a disconcerting smile plastered to his face. You do as you’re told, finding a rainbow of colors soaking your shirt and hands. Your eyes widen and you hastily try to wipe it off, but it’s everywhere. You’re just mixing the colors._

_“IT’S ALREADY HAPPENED”_

__

You jolt awake, panting and covered in sweat. You drag yourself from the bed you had to alchemize when no one figured out how to make more sopor. The sheets are sweaty too. Gross. You quickly throw on some pants and your sweater over your underwear clad body. You know from experience that once you’ve had a dream like that you’ll never fall back to sleep. You shuffle out of your block and into the hallway, crossing your arms over your chest to try and get your hands to stop shaking. Your eyes are starting to feel crusty since you forgot to wipe your tears.

You leave it, wandering the endless dark hallways of the meteor, not that darkness meant much to you, being a nocturnal creature yourself. Your feet grow cold as the cement floor leeches the warmth from them. You welcome the numb feeling.

You hear a distant banging of metal against concrete. Concerned, you let your sickles drop from your sylladex as you advance, the noise getting louder as it became more and more clear the whoever was making this racket was sure to make it deep within the meteor far from the sleeping quarters of anyone.

You’re expecting Gamzee. You really are. You’re not even sure if you’ll be able to be around him after that dream.

It’s not Gamzee. It’s Dave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update = short chapter


	6. Four Times

He throws the blade of the sword to the floor with such force that you don’t know if he’s trying to break the floor or the sword. He flinches with every clang and scrape of the metal. It becomes apparent that he has it out for the sword when he throws it to the ground and begins stomping on the blade violently. With a guttural yell he jumps on it with such force that it slides out from under him with a horrible scraping noise. He falls on his butt rather abruptly as his feet follow the sword.

He just tucks his knees to his chest and sits there, his face tucked into the ball he’s made of himself. His breathing is spastic and shaky.

You decide that it’s high time you spoke up. You're about to put your sickles away now that it was apparent that you're not in any danger, but then again it's not like you haven't had friends who killed other friends just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. You keep the sickles. Your compromise is not to hold them as if you're expecting to be attacked.

“Dave?”

He tenses and grabs the sword, spinning around to point it in your direction. His face is wet with tears. You hold your sickles up in automatic defense, hoping that it would make him stand the fuck down because you're not sure if you could actually ever hurt him, even to defend yourself. He drops the sword when he realizes it’s you and cringes visibly at the sound. He wipes his tears hastily, you realize in that moment that human tears are transparent. You frown, putting the sickles back safely in your sylladex.

“Hey Karkles, nice timing” he deadpans.

“Sorry” you say, not really sure how you should proceed.

“S’okay” He mutters, kicking at nothing, just to drag his foot across the floor. You notice he’s still not wearing his god tier shoes. You couldn’t care less.

“Is it? I mean, are you?” You fumble “okay. Are you okay?”

“Yeah man, I’m fine.” he says, clearing his throat “fine as hell, I be walking down the street and people be like damn he’s so fucking fine. Beyonce just wrote a god damn song about how fine I am. Silk aint even as fine as me. Silk worms just straight up fucking quit when they see how fine I am. They're like, well shit, can't ever make nothing as fine as that there fine ass mother fucker. I’m like mediocre fast food on a rainy ass day when nothing in particular is happening. Fine...”

“Okay... Then what did that sword do to make it deserve to die?” you ask cautiously.

“Nothing, I was just thinking about...” he sighs deeply “home stuff”

“Do you want to talk about it?” you try.

“Not particularly, no”

You nod, deciding to leave it alone like he gave you the courtesy of doing a while back.

“So you couldn't sleep either?” you ask, hoping that he doesn't send you away. You need to talk to someone so you're not left to your own thoughts. It never really ends well when that happens.

“Nah, too many swords to brutally murder. Someone’s gotta pick up the slack round here anyways” he says, shrugging. “what about you?”

“Too many hallways to explore. If I’m being honest, I miss my recooperacoon. You can’t dream when you sleep in sopor. Sleeping like a human is shitty.”

“Yeah...”

The silence is deafening. You feel like you should say something. You should definitely say something.

“Do you wanna walk with me?” you ask. You sound a lot more hopeful than you meant to.

“Yeah, sounds great” he says. He looks a little relieved. Maybe he doesn’t like being left alone with his thoughts either.

He makes you laugh six times. He makes you laugh hard once. You make him laugh five times. He doesn't laugh hard, but you catch him grinning quite often.

He makes the flutterbeasts in your digestion sach start fluttering twice. The backs of your fingers brush together four times. You totally don’t count any of this. You tell yourself that you're not counting any of this countless times.

Funny thing is, for the first time in a while you aren't thinking of your blood color.

It’s nice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATES GALORE. I am truly on fire. Please enjoy it while this insanity lasts!


	7. Great

This is stupid. You're stupid. There's just no way that you could actually be thinking about such stupid insignificant things right now. It doesn't even mean anything right? Of course not. It means nothing at all. Obviously. Lots of people find their close friends attractive. You were just surprised by the sudden realization. That's it. It's not this huge deal that Dave looks great in a certain lighting right? No, okay, no he looks great in _all_ fucking lighting, the bastard. You just never noticed how great his smile was. That's just him though. He's great in general. Why shouldn't his smile be great? It's fine. It's great actually. Everything is just so-

"Greetings from your alien friend" Dave announces. He's taken to saying that lately.

"Great" you blurt out. Shit. You roll your eyes to make it appear as though you were sarcastically commenting on his presence. Not that you mind his presence. Because he's a great friend. Great.

You're really starting to hate that word. "What did I ever do to deserve all of this?" you finish, laying on the sarcasm thickly this time. In all seriousness, you're a horrible person, why the fuck does he put up with all your shit?

"Oh you know you secretly want this fine piece of ass. If I recall correctly one of our very first conversations over pesterchum comprised of a lot of yelling from you and dorky comments from John and me being the smoothest mother fucker ever and an all around cool and amazing guy, but I've got to say the main attraction for me would've been your constant comments about my lips. Think about them more often now that you've seen them in person?" He says, tilting his head in such a way that you just _know_ he's fucking winking at you. He is not helping you make this all great.

"Yes. Very often. In fact I think about your chapped lips throughout the majority of my present existence. You should know, I have a thing for guys with chewed-raw lips. And your freaky flat teeth. Mm, yellow is my favorite tooth color. Actually, fuck banter. Let's get right to it. Take me now. Don't bother with a mint either I like your barkbeast breath. Hope you've got a vomit kink because it's gonna happen once we get down to business." You ramble. Why are you still talking? Stop. Fucking. Talking!

He laughs, thank god "Sure thing. I mean, I went to find you to ask what you wanted to do today, but you've obviously already got that figured out"

"Fuck you" you shove his shoulder in an attempt reinforce to your mind that you're just friends. See? Friendship shove. All that was playful banter, _platonic_ bantering. It's still great. It's all great.

"Wasn't that the plan from the start?" He teases, shoving back.

"Get in line, Strider. There are plenty of people already craving my bulge, you are free to join the masses. Try not to lick your lips in anticipation. Desperation isn't a very attractive look for you." you spit out with arrogance you definitely don't possess.

That asshole actually licks his stupid taint chafing lips. You were wrong, it's very fucking attractive. Abort. _Abort_. Abandon meteor. Every alien for themselves. You sneer at him, hoping your momentary lapse in platonic thought went unnoticed. You want to hurl yourself into the void.

"Anyways, if you're not otherwise occupied I thought we could do a bit of experimenting" he says.

"Experimenting" you deadpan.

"Yeah, I think it's time we explore the nuances of our respective alien cultures together. I know about your weird romance shit and fucked up justice system, but not much else. I'm sure you're curious about Earth too" he muses.

You nod in agreement, stroking your chin in a dramatically ponderous way "but where to start?"

"Food. The most important part of American culture besides shame" he says.

"Great" you say, internally kicking yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the last few chapters have gone unedited so bare with my spelling and grammar mistakes that I didn't catch. This chapter is short because I wanted to get one out before Monday so it's more like a half chapter but w/e.


	8. Wilky Mays

“Okay! Now this is a milky way.” Dave says triumphantly, holding a small candy in a strange wrapper in your face. He frowns at the wrapper. “Well kinda. I bet wilky mays taste just as good.”

You raise a skeptical eyebrow at him and he rolls his eyes, opening it and taking a bite. He pauses a moment before smiling. “Just as good.”

You sigh and begrudgingly take it from him. “I swear on _your_ fucking life that if this is actually poisonous to trolls or makes me throw up, I will personally see to it that your life is made into a living hell. Even if i have to haunt your ass from the dream bubbles”

He just rolls his eyes at you “Yeah, yeah, my life is on the line. I am quivering in fear, now eat the wilky may”

You give it one last suspicious look.

“Thanks for getting your gross spit all over it” you say before popping it in your mouth. It gets stuck on your sharp teeth and it’s hard to chew properly. You try maneuvering it with your the pointed tip of your tongue which works... A little. You make a little growling noise, determined to eat this stupid fucking candy. It didn’t actually taste that bad, the trouble was actually consuming the damn thing.

Apparently this is hilarious to your pal next to you, who bursts out laughing. The asshole is actually rolling on the floor with laughter. You would make him pay for this if not for being preoccupied with dislodging enough of the candy to actually swallow it. That and his laughter is stupidly and irritatingly attractive.

You snarl at him anyways because even if you’ve given up keeping your internal thoughts in check you could at least keep up appearances. You kick his leg.

“Hey chucklefuck, what’s so stupidly hilarious that you feel the need to function like a clown worshiping mirth eating shit head?” you spit.

“Sorry man its just” he takes a break from his sentence to fucking laugh again “You act like you’re this big shot scary ass troll that could murder me on the spot, but you looked so..”

He proceeds to be a colossal bulgeknot and laugh his nicely shaped ass off again.

You mean-

You aren't even going to merit that thought with acknowledgement. It never happened.

“So, what?” You shake his shoulder to get him to calm his shit.

He makes a mocking little pouty face and says in a sickeningly sweet voice “Adooorable”

Your face turns red. With anger. Yeah. Anger. Because fuck him. Wait, no... Not _fuck_ him. But. You mean. Fuck it whatever.

"I am not adorable you insufferable grub fuck! You could literally compose a ten hour movie of human and troll genitalia alike being brutally stabbed and dissected while the screams of their respective owners played in a loop and that would be more adorable than I am." You say.

"Dude, your pouting at me is not helping to make your point" he says. You punch his arm.

"I'm not pouting!" You protest.

He just sniggers at you. You're seething.

"Just make me more fucked up human food" you insist. He obliges. You then realize absently that you let yourself get worked up enough to display your blood color. Following that you berate yourself for thinking about that shit when you're supposed to be having fun.

Eventually the two of you have gone through many a simple dish from both of your cultures. You got on his case whenever he insulted Alternian food, even if you yourself didn't like it. You liked the meat products the best and he liked the sweeter shit better. Everything was actually going really well. That is until he had to go and give himself a paper cut on one of the wrappers when he was opening another Alternian delicacy.

"Fuck" he says, watching absently as the cut bleeds "your wrappers are so much sharper than ours, damn"

You're not listening to him. You're watching in horror as a drop of candy red blood collects on his finger. He's not hiding it. Why the fuck isn't he hiding?

You grab his finger and pull his sleeve up over it quickly. Someone could walk in at any time.

You stand to close the door until you could get a more permanent covering for the cut and you realize halfway to the door that it doesn't matter and that Dave is a human and that no one fucking cares anymore but you. Why can't you just let it the fuck go?

"Karkat?" He asks, confused.

"Sorry, I just... Didn't you want to show me some stupid human food that you make that incessant nickname out of?" You ask. "What was it.... Kitkat?"

Dave pauses for a moment, his lips set into a hard line. You sit back down next to him.

"Well?"

He looks at you for a few seconds longer before apparently deciding that it isn't worth it.

"Yeah, gimme a second to alchemize the damn thing" he says "I swear to god you have to like these. It's your _namesake_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay there we go. This has kind of ended up being my place to vent about my PTSD Karkat ideas. Whoops. It'll get better soon. I promise. Unedited so please excuse and point out any spelling mistakes. Thanks for reading!


	9. TH3 K4RK4T N1CKN4M1NG SQU4D

gallowsCalibrator [GC] opened memo on board “JURY 1N TH3 CROW’S N3ST”  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.  
GC: 4TT3NT1ON 4LL MY MOST HON3R4BL3 P33RS  
GC: TH3 M3T3OR 1S CURR3NTLY H34D3D STR41GHT FOR 4NOTH3R DR34M BUBBL3 TH4T TH3 L3G3ND4RY M4RQU1S3 4ND 1 H4V3 SO THOUGHTFULLY B33N ON TH3 LOOKOUT FOR  
GC: PR3P4R3 YOURS3LF FOR WH4T3V3R COM3S YOUR W4Y  
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo.  
AG: That’s right, Redglare and I were on the roof for hoooooooours for you schmucks. So you 8etter 8e fucking thankful. 8ut that's just the gr8 leadery person I am! Always thinking of all of you team mem8ers.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo.  
CG: I’M GOING TO STOP THE VRISKA SERKET SELF INDULGING EGOTISTICAL EXPLODING NOOK TRAIN RIGHT THE FUCK THERE. TEREZI, SINCE YOU’RE NOT SPOUTING YOUR SQUAWKBLISTER OFF ABOUT HOW FUCKING “GR8” YOU ARE *AND* YOU'RE NOT CONSTANTLY MAKING OTHERS IN YOUR DIRECT VICINITY FEEL INCLINED TO SHOVE NEEDLES IN THEIR SPONGE CLOTS, I WILL DIRECT MY QUESTION AT YOU. ARE YOU CLOSE ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO SEE ANY INDICATION AS TO WHAT MINDFUCKERY IS IN STORE FOR US?  
GC: M1NDFUCK3RY 1S MY SP3C14LTY K4RKL3S  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH EVERYONE AND THEIR FUCKING ANCESTOR, IN SOME CASES QUITE LITERALLY, SPEWING AN INCESSANT SLURRY OF NICKNAMES MY WAY?  
GC: NO N33D TO B3 SO DR4M4T1C, YOUR TYR4NN1C4L SHOUTY P4NTS  
GC: 1N 4NSW3R TO YOUR OR1G1N4L QU3T1ON WH1CH YOU SO RUD3LY 1NT3RRUPT3D, NO 1T 1S NOT Y3T CLOS3 3NOUGH TO T3LL WH1CH D34D P3OPL3 W1LL B3 1NV4D1NG OUR S4NCTU4RY  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo.  
TG: are we giving karkat more nicknames  
TG: i would very much like to be a part of this  
TG: it could be like  
TG: an event  
TG: every month we could have a karkat nicknames day  
TG: spread it through the dream bubbles  
TG: invade paradox space right back  
TG: but instead of using dead people we create troll-human hoildays  
TG: we will use our culture to straight up own the whole of paradox space and its ability to invade  
TG: we could have a group name  
TG: like mythical figures of old in human holidays  
TG: such as santa clause  
TG: the easter bunny  
TG: jack the pumpkin king  
TG: etc etc  
TG: we could be the nickname squad  
GC: 1 4M SO ON BO4RD W1TH TH1S 1D34!  
AG: It’s pro8a8ly the 8est thing you’ve said on this whole journey, Strider.  
CG: HA. HA. VERY FUCKING FUNNY. I AM ACTUALLY DYING AS WE SPEAK FROM LAUGHTER. I CAN FEEL MYSELF SLIPPING AWAY. THE DARK GODS ARE CALLING FOR ME. MY DEATH WILL BE TRAGIC. THE MOST TRAGIC DEATH THAT HAS EVER BEEN CAUSED BY LAUGHTER AT BRILLIANTLY CLEVER AND HILARIOUS FRIENDS. GOODBYE CRUEL METEOR.  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] changed memo board “JURY 1N TH3 CROW’S N3ST” to memo board “K4RK4T N1CKN4M1NG SQU4D”  
CG: YES PERFECT. NOW WE HAVE COME FULL SHITTY CIRCLE. CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING YOUR CIRCLE OF SHIT.  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded memo  
GA: Oh Dear It Seems As Though We Have Gotten Ourselves Hopelessly Off Topic Already  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo  
TT: Yes, it seems we have. Allow me to steer the conversation away from fecal matter to prevent any further drabbles on said topic. Instead I believe we ought to backtrack to the topic my fellow Seer had presented for us. I’d imagine by now that the dream bubble is right on top of us or close to being so, correct?  
AG: Yeah we’re 8asically five minutes or less from 8eing swept into another memory. Personally I prefer visiting our dead pir8 friends and their strong, attractive and fearless Captain.  
TT: Am I wrong in assuming that the Captain is another version of yourself?  
AG: Lalonde you know me far too well. 8ut you don’t know everything!!!!!!!!  
TT: While I ponder the meaning of this transfixing knowledge, you should all prepare yourselves.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased responding to memo  
TG: yeah batten down the hatches  
TG: guard your loins  
TG: battle stations  
TG: for narnia and all that  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased responding to memo  
GC: DO3S 4NYON3 KNOW WH4T 4 N4RN14 1S 4ND WHY W3 4R3 4PP4R3NTLY FOR 1T?  
GA: I Find That It’s Best To Ignore The Human Popculture Dave Tends To Reference For Lack Of A Better Resource Of Explanation   
GA: Rose Tends To Be A Bit More Helpful In This Area Although She Too Can Be Quite Confusing  
CG: UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET THE BIGGEST FUCKING MIGRAINE IN ALL OF HUMAN AND TROLL HISTORY COMBINED, I WOULDN’T SUGGEST ASKING DAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING, LET ALONE ANYTHING ABOUT HIS OWN DAMN CULTURE.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased responding to memo  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased responding to memo  
GC: W3LL M4RQU1S3, SH4LL W3 FORG3 OUR W4Y INTO TH3 UNKNOWN TO BR1NG 4LL CORN3RS OF 3X1ST3NC3 TH3 JUST1C3 1T D3S3RV3S?  
AG: Of course Redglare. With you 8y my side, we’ll 8ring existence to its knees.  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased responding to memo  
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased responding to memo  
terminallyCapricious [TA] responded to memo  
terminallyCapricious [TA] ceased responding to memo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I figured since this log is basically as long as a regular chapter it could serve as a teaser chapter for what's to come. Thanks to Ultimatum for showing me how the hell to get the log looking like it should. Speaking of Ultimatum, he has agreed to help me write the next chapter since it's really going to test my character voicing skills. It may be split into a series of chapters just to follow the length pattern. We shall see. But yes, here you go! The next chapter (or more likely bulk update of a couple chapters) may take a while but hey, you've had consistent updates from me for a while which is a lot more than I usually do so FEEL APPRECIATED. And feel free to tell me what you think or if you have any suggestions for what you'd like to see me write in the future.


	10. Knights

When the dream bubble finally intersects with the meteor you find yourself standing in the middle of a horrendously messy living room. You feel the same urge to start cleaning shit like you do whenever you’re in Dave’s block, because _damn_ is this place a disaster. Actually, now that you think about it, it’s almost like a larger version of the chaos you’ve been forced to endure while spending time with him. It almost gives you an insane feeling of endearment. Almost.

You explore finding that, much like Dave’s block, a shit load of wires and cords tangle across the majority of the floor and shitty swords are strewn about haphazardly. At this point you’d be under the impression that it was a human custom had you not watched John’s pathetic existence unravel in front of you or observed how tidy Rose is despite her irksome habit of leaving her clothes all over the floor.

You’re feeling a little thirsty and you figure that the owner of this hive won't mind a missing glass of whatever’s in the nutrition hull. Ghosts wander in and out of dream bubbles all the time, someone’s probably already raided their foodstuffs. You open the nutrition hull and you're met with a multitude of precariously balanced swords and you only barely jump out of the way before they all topple onto the ground where you once stood. 

Who the fuck puts swords where they’re supposed to put food? You’re having a hard time finding the logic in this. Once you’re able to calm down enough from the surprise fucking sword attack, you find that there are weapons littered all over the nutrition block. You get the fuck out of there once you see what appears to be explosives in the sink. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  
CG: DAVE?  
TG: sup karks  
CG: IS IT A TRADITION SOMEWHERE ON EARTH TO KEEP WEAPONS ALL OVER THE FUCKING HIVE INCLUDING WHERE FOOD IS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING BE?  
CG: BECAUSE I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS DREAM BUBBLE ISN'T MY FUCKING FAVORITE SO FAR.  
CG: I JUST WANTED SOMETHING TO DRINK AND I ALMOST GOT FUCKED SIDEWAYS BY A PLETHORA OF FALLING SWORDS. PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISN’T A NORMAL THING.  
TG: are you still in the kitchen  
CG: WHAT? NO, I’M IN WHAT LOOKS LIKE A COMMON ROOM EXCEPT WITH SWORDS FUCKING EVERYWHERE. SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS VAPID HOOFBEAST SHIT?  
turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum!  
CG: DAVE?

You look up when you hear footsteps to find Dave looking really tense and holding a sword at the ready.  
“Dave, are you okay?” you ask cautiously. Before he can answer you the door knob starts jiggling, like someone is trying to unlock it. In the second it takes you to turn around to see who’s coming in, Dave is in front of you. 

“Karkat, listen to me, he’s going to come in and I need you to hide in here while we fight. As soon as we get up to the roof you have to go. Tell the others not to come to this bubble either.” Dave says quickly and quietly. 

“Dave, you're not making any sense. Where the fuck are we? Is this your hive?” You ask, confused to no end and a little scared. Dave doesn’t answer, he just shoves you behind the couch. 

“Stay” he hisses, before returning to meet whatever was on the other side of that door. You shut your mouth with a frown, not liking where this was going at all. The pieces were starting to fall into place and it wasn’t a pretty picture. Your sickles find their way out of your sylladex and into your hands. There’s no fucking way you’re letting Dave face this alone. 

“Is anyone in here? Vriska and I have been trying doors for ages! Hello?” You hear Terezi shout from behind the door. 

You recaptchalogue your sickles, moving cautiously up to Dave. 

“Put the sword away” you say softly, trying your level best to be gentle because you recognize that Dave is in no state to be messed with right now. He merely shakes his head, only slightly relaxing his grip on the sword. There’s another series of knocks. You approach the door slowly, giving Dave plenty of time to adjust himself for company or stop you. You turn back to him before you open it. 

“Is this okay?” you mouth. He shrugs, beginning to pace back and forth, swinging the sword at the air with a practiced relaxation, his shoulders still seeming a bit too tense. 

“Come oooooooon Terezi, there’s no one there,” You hear Vriska say. You open the door.  


“If you would hold your shame globes for just one more second you’d know that there are, in fact, people here.” You say with a frustration you don’t possess. 

“Oh please, you’ve just got your bulge in a knot because we interrupted your sloppy interspecies make out session,” Vriska sneers. Your face feels hot with anger and you get the sudden very strong urge to punch her. 

“Hold the fuck up and back your deformed and unattractive ass up about fifty million steps. What the fuck did you just insinuate, you fallacious overgrown ass monkey? Not that it's any of your damn business what either of our mouths happen to be occupied with, but it is most certainly not each other’s. And although my personal quadrants are a private fucking Vriska free zone, I will graciously allow you this painfully obvious tidbit of information: Dave Strider is not in any of them. End of fucking story.” you seeth. Your hands have balled into fists as you try to block thoughts of making out with Dave from your mind. Because no fucking way you're going down that road. Dave might be attractive as hell but he's your friend and right now your thinkpan can go fuck itself. 

You don’t have many friends left that are easy to be around anyways, so you're not fucking this up just because your bulge feels the need to invade your thoughts. 

“As much as we all love to listen to Vriska’s weird fetish for me and Karkat doing the do, there's nothing really interesting in this stupid room so we should just leave. Unless you want to hang amongst the shitty swords and various sex toys that litter this joint. And no, before Vriska gets her panties in a twist, Karkat and I did not put those to any use whatsoever.” Dave drawls, his voice holding none of the dead panic it did previously. 

“Whatever you say, Strider, the petty physical relationships of my teammates are beneath my concern anyway, and since you’ve already apparently looted the valuables in this hive, we should probably do something useful instead of standing around like a bunch of dumb dumby wriggler trash infants.” Vriska states, turning on her heel and linking arms with Terezi, before marching down the hallway “Onward my loyal imbeciles, follow your superiors!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished it with some help from Ultimatum and now you may enjoy. Have faith while I refigure out the homestuck skin


	11. Confrontation

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  
CG: HEY.  
CG: YOU KIND OF DISAPPEARED AFTER WE GOT OUT THAT DREAM BUBBLE.  
CG: JUST MAKING SURE THAT YOU’RE REALLY OKAY.  
CG: AND THIS ISN’T ME LIKE, PALE FLIRTING WITH YOU AT ALL.  
CG: FUCK, YOU WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT MEANS.  
CG: I JUST.  
CG: I’M WORRIED IN THE PERFECTLY MUNDANE AND NORMAL “BRO” SENSE OF THE WORD.  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS WEIRD RIGHT? OF FUCKING COURSE IT IS. IT'S WEIRD AND I’M JUST SHOVING MY PEDAL NUB DOWN MY NUTRITION SHOOT.  
CG: JUST GIVE ME A HEADS UP IF YOU FEEL THE SUDDEN URGE TO GO SHIT HIVE MAGGOTS AND START MURDERING YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE EVERY FUCKING HIGHER POWER IN THIS FUCKED UP REALITY KNOWS THAT WE DEFINITELY DON’T NEED THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN.  
TG: im most certainly not feeling any urge to murder anyone around here  
TG: i mean i want to keep my options open  
TG: vriskas kind of asking for it  
TG: but besides that im pretty sure im good  
TG: i cross my heart and other miscellaneous alien anatomy you have bullshit names for that you will be the first to know if im having a psychotic break  
CG: YES. THANK YOU. FINALLY, SOMEONE AROUND HERE ISN’T CONSTANTLY ACTING LIKE AN INSUBORDINATE ASSMUNCHING GRUBFISTER.  
TG: as for my okay quantity  
TG: i assure you i am all kinds of okay  
TG: okay has been stocked up for years in the strider warehouse  
TG: we will never run out  
TG: prepare to be underwhelmed with our mediocre product of pure okay  
TG: you will be nodding in neutral agreement to this proposition of averageness  
TG: it will neither be fan fucking tastic or a pile of literal steaming shit  
TG: it will be right smack in between those two fuckers  
TG: like a rock and a hard place  
TG: that strange middle ground thats no mans land  
TG: theres nothing going on there  
TG: the grass is fake plastic shit but you guess it looks and feels okay  
TG: the walls are painted beige  
TG: the ceiling is smooth and off white  
CG: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO CONTINUE THIS COMPLETELY POINTLESS CONVERSATION AND RIDE IT STRAIGHT TO FUCKING NOWHERELAND WHERE WE ALL ETERNALLY FACEPALM AT THE STUPIDITY OF THE WALLS AND WALLS OF TEXT THAT TRAIL ON FOREVER, GETTING FARTHER AND FARTHER AWAY FROM PRODUCTIVE DISCUSSION UNTIL NO ONE REMEMBERS WHAT THE FUCK EVEN STARTED THIS INSIPID HOOFBEAST SHIT.  
CG: I NEED TO DISTRACT YOU FROM YOUR RAMBLINGS SO I CAN GET ONE THING STRAIGHTENED OUT.  
CG: YOU’RE SURE YOU’RE OKAY?  
CG: COULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE, BECAUSE YOU SEEMED LIKE YOU WERE FREAKING OUT.  
turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum!  
CG: I UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, BUT YOU COULD’VE JUST TOLD ME THAT.  
CG: ANYWAY I GUESS I’LL TALK TO YOU LATER THEN?  
TG: wait wait  
TG: i was just distracted for a minute  
TG: my computer freaked  
CG: ...  
CG: OKAY.  
TG: seriously man shit is wrecked  
TG: havent been able to alchemize a better one  
TG: anyways  
TG: i was fine  
TG: its just this stupid thing me and my bro used to do together  
TG: all for the sake of irony of course  
TG: actually looking back on it its kinda funny  
TG: and really not a big deal at all  
TG: i just didnt want you to get in the way of our strife or freak him out or anything  
TG: i mean i dont know if hes even seen any of you trolls before  
TG: he mightve flipped  
TG: god that actually wouldve been funny  
TG: the look on his face and all  
TG: so yeah  
TG: im fine  
TG: its fine  
TG: its actually really hilarious if you think about it  
TG: im laughing my ass off as i type this to you  
TG: its so funny i might throw my back out just from laughing this hard  
TG: just another day of wacky human shit  
TG: or wacky strider shit  
TG: idk  
TG: but the point it is its funny as hell  
CG: OKAY... TELL ME IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING. BECAUSE I’LL TALK TO YOU WHENEVER. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO ANYWAYS.  
TG: yeah of course man  
CG: OKAY WELL. I'M GOING TO WATCH ONE OF MY MOVIES. IF YOU THINK YOU CAN SIT THROUGH AN ALTERNIAN ROM COM WITHOUT MAKING ME WANT TO THROTTLE YOU, YOU’RE WELCOME TO JOIN ME.  
TG: im actually in the middle of mixing this really good track  
TG: mind if i put a rain check on the real troll wives of murder junction  
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS AND YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT.  
CG: BUT SURE.  
CG: SEE YOU LATER.  
TG: see ya  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there you go friends. thank you for reading my swill (edit: thanks to all of those who informed me of the weird ass posting thing. I don't know why it keeps doing that maybe it's my shit computer? But anyways thank you. I wasn't able to answer your comments after I deleted the extra chapter so this is my response :))


	12. Not Avoiding Him

You haven't seen Dave for an entire night. Or day. Or whatever fucking time it might be and everyone decides to collectively apply to this shitstorm. The point is: you're not avoiding him.

You're just thinking. By yourself. Yeah, it's about him and you don't really want to see him right now because you're not done thinking and you haven't gone anywhere he knows you'd go or that you know he'd go, but that doesn't mean you're avoiding him.

You sigh, turning down a particular hall that you've kept to yourself. You’re pretty sure no one else but you knows about it and you’d like to keep it that way because it's a wonderful place to think.

You open the door at the end of the hall into a room with a wall made entirely of glass. The sight of paradox space rushing at you makes your breath catch in your throat like it always does. It never stops being beautiful no matter how much time you spend in here. You sit yourself down on some pillows you dragged in here when you found it a while ago. You don’t remember how long it's been. You stopped keeping track of time a while ago.

You stretch your legs out parallel to the glass and press your cheek against it, feeling the cold surface slowly steal your warmth. Although you always found this place beautiful, you also enjoy the thrill of being able to stare down and almost become a part of the thing that will no doubt swallow you whole. You don’t have any silly hopes that you’ll be surviving whatever final battle awaits you.

You sigh, letting yourself fall sideways into the cushions. You were supposed to be working out your inevitable emotional doom in your head right now, not your similarly inevitable, but far more likely, physical doom. You've already decided to die in the place of someone actually important so your life can mean something and someone else can put the time you had left to good use. Its pretty much the best option.

Unfortunately for you, this knowledge doesn’t make your emotional hardships insignificant. Quite the contrary, with you being yourself. All this doom and gloom stuff just adds some more urgency to all this bullshit.

So you should probably get back to the matter of Dave, the person you're not avoiding.

That last conversation between the two of you really struck a chord. You said you weren’t pale flirting, but that was pretty damn near the equivalent of dawning yourself in a cuddle beast costume and asking to be Dave’s “human teddybear.”

What’s worse is you felt it too. You felt the need to protect him from anything that might hurt him and fix the things that already had well up inside of you so strongly that you felt like you were going to puke if you didn't do something. And it hasn’t gone away since you saw how tense he was holding that sword in the bubble. No, scratch that. It's been building up inside of you since the moment you discovered it was Dave making all that racket in the middle of the night.

But none of that makes any fucking sense if you pair it with your recent desire to kiss the crap out of him. Moirails aren’t supposed to be physically attracted to each other. Well, you guess they could be, but not the way you’ve been thinking about Dave or it wouldn’t end well for anyone. Take Vriska and Kanaya's trainwreck for example.

And if you’re flushed for him, then what's with all these platonic feelings? Yes, whenever you think of his stupid lips your bloodpusher flutters, but then again sometimes you want to drag him to a pile and shoosh him silly.

Then there’s that darker part of you that rears its head when Dave starts getting competitive and challenging you. You’ve always been up for a challenge and you’re pretty sure that comes from the delusions you had as a wriggler that if you tried really hard and proved yourself, you could still achieve your dreams and not get killed on the spot for your blood color. He gets this stupid little horrendously attractive smirk and you just want to wipe it off his smug face. Mainly with your lips. Or maybe your tongue. Fuck.

You know that you’re doing it again. You’ve done this with Terezi, but you were too late to realize what the fuck you were doing. You’re starting to delude yourself into thinking Dave can be a part of all four of your quadrants. But he fucking can’t. No one can. The thought alone is possessive and desperate and just sad.

Well at least you don’t want to auspistize for him. Right?

You’re picturing Dave in an unhealthy relationship with someone and it's already making your blood boil. Alright, so maybe you would most definitely step in. Shit.

One of the most confusing parts of this fuckup is that you don’t feel all of the feelings associated with any one quadrant. It's not like you could slip into any one quadrant on a whim. And even if you could, the rest of your feelings wouldn’t go away so you’d always be torn between the constant swirling of your own emotions and that's only your side of the equation.

Dave is a human, which needlessly complicates a needlessly complicated situation until it's so ridiculously complex that all of the romance buffs ever to exist would throw in the metaphorical towel all the way to hell and back. You only have a limited understanding of human romance to begin with which adds another layer of confusion. You have no idea how you would fit into the human love quadrant, or even what it really entails, but you do know that humans have strange gender specific qualms about romance. Since you and Dave happen to both be male, this might become an extra problem that you really don't need.

You don't want to risk talking to Dave about this either, because that’ll just throw an awkward wrench into the only properly functioning friendship you fucking have.

You feel the realization settle on you like wave crashing over your head. No matter what feelings you may have for Dave, you’ll suffer in silence for the next sweep or so and take those feelings to the grave, because you’d rather do that than lose him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the last chapter posting mishap. Hopefully this one turns out okay.


	13. Anniversary

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] opened memo on board “A Celebratory Suggestion”  
GA: As Many Of You May Be Aware Of We Are Just About Upon The First Anniversary Of Our Time On This Meteor  
GA: I Was Supposing, Since It Appears To Be A Human Custom To Celebrate Occasions Such As These And It Is An Anniversary Based Upon Human Years We Could All Indulge In A Little Celebration  
GA: Perhaps We Could Throw A Party Of Some Kind?  
GA: Would Either Of The Residential Humans Like To Pitch In An Idea As To The Nature Of Said Gathering?  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo  
TT: I think that is a lovely idea. Might I suggest something of a more traditional persuasion to do with a group of this size and age?  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo  
TG: oh god here we go  
TG: dont do it rose  
TG: i know what youre gonna say and i will not be a part of this horrendous cliche  
TT: Oh come now Dave. Wouldn’t you love painting my nails as we gab about who you have a crush on? I think that has the potential to become very interesting, don’t you?  
TG: oh sure  
TG: then ill complain about how many zits i have and youll show me a great new foundation trick  
TG: then we can put vriskas bra in a cup of water and put it in the freezer  
TG: or maybe put whipped cream on her face while she sleeps  
TG: or no  
TG: worse  
TG: we could commit the most disgusting act against what little is left of humanity  
TG: we could play truth or dare  
TG: my god that would just complete this 90s high school movie trope  
TT: Dave, I think we would all be better off if you would just admit to your hopelessly potent desire to giggle into your pillow at predictable midnight antics.  
TT: Embrace your inner patriarchal stereotype of a teenage girl.  
TT: In the wise words of the Spice Girls, I shall simply tell you:  
TT: what you want, what you really, really want.  
TT: You want the slumber party “feels” Dave.  
TT: Admit it.  
TG: oh shit  
TG: you fucking got me  
TG: thats all i aspire to in life  
GA: I Would Appreciate It If This Conversation Could Not Become As Hopelessly Off-Track As The Last Memo Did  
GA: And If It Must, Can We Please Pause In The Derailment To Explain What Exactly You Are Talking About  
TG: rose is suggesting we perform a human ritual that will probably kill all of us  
TG: especially karkat  
TG: hell the second we explain it his poor little rom com loving head will explode  
TG: his sappy hopeless romantic tendencies will be set in overdrive and he will become so overwhelmed with thoughts of possible scenarios he can put his favorite characters into in the fan fictions that everyone knows he writes but none have seen  
TG: come clean karks  
TG: main protagonist A is totally secretly friend engaged to the fuckbuddy of protagonist Bs cock block  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo  
GC: K4RK4TS OBV1OUS CR34T1V3 DR4BBL1NGS NOTW1THST4ND1NG  
GC: 1 B3L13V3 YOU 4R3 1N N33D OF SOM3ON3 TO BR1NG ORD3R TO TH3S3 PROC33D1NGS  
GA: I Believe I Am Perfectly Capable Of That At The Moment, But I Will Know Who To Contact If Things Get Too Out Of Hand  
GC: 1 4M ON ST4NDBY TO 4SS1ST YOU 1F N33D3D M4D4M GR33NT34 CH41NS4W!  
GA: And It Is Much Appreciated. Now Rose, Do You Feel So Inclined To Explain To Us What You Have Suggested?  
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo  
AG: Your gr8 leader is here. You may now proceed without worrying your little 8itty thinkpans a8out who will get your asses in gear!!!!!!!  
GA: Yes, That Was Definitely Quite Worrisome For Us All I’m Sure, But If You Read Over The Above Text You Will Find That I Have This Memo Under My Control And Have Acquired Precautionary Backup  
GA: Rose?  
AG: Whatever fussyfangs. 8ack to your meddling ha8its, I see? Scheming about gatherings without me. I thought you were 8etter than that.  
TT: If I may permitted to speak without interruption I will be happy to explain my proposal.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG]responded to memo  
CG: YES ROSE. PLEASE DO EXPLAIN WHAT WILL BE SO REVOLUTIONARY FOR MY STATE OF CREATIVITY REGARDING THE FALLACIOUS WRITING OF FAN FICTION THAT IS NOT ACTUALLY TAKING PLACE REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU FUCKERS HAVE DELUDED YOUR DEMENTED SELVES INTO THINKING ABOUT ME THIS TIME.  
TT: I am suggesting a human gathering called a sleepover. It is a festivity including mainly teenagers and those of younger ages. Whatever age the group of people in question may be, they all tend to be of the same age group. Traditionally the party goers all spend a great amount of time chit chatting and performing party games of different sorts before watching an optional movie, most likely something of Karkat’s genera of interest before all sleeping in a single communal area and talking the night away. Staying up late is practically essential.  
TT: Unfortunately I was not on Earth long enough to be invited to such a gathering and I am assuming that Dave was not either, sleepovers tending to be female specific in our particular society. Although I think given the circumstances, Dave and Karkat should be permitted to join if they see fit to. Afterall, our previous society is quite literally dead.  
TG: please dont let her do this  
TG: its a trick  
TG: crazy shit goes down at sleepovers  
TG: you dont even know  
TG: if i learned anything from daytime soaps and horrible cheesy movies  
TG: watched ironically of course  
TG: this is some  
TG: serious  
TG: fucking  
TG: shit  
TT: I’d think you’d leap at the chance to attend something as ridiculous as a slumber party involving aliens on a flying space rock for the sake of irony. Or have you lost your ironic appeal?  
TG: fuck that  
TG: im golden  
TG: ill go to your stupid slumberparty of doom if youre really that desperate  
TG: dont get your dress all dirty down there on your knees begging for it and all  
TT: Does the implied innuendo there even need to be pointed out? Freud would be proud of you, Dave. You would be his prime case. You would single handedly be used to prove all of his life’s work.  
TG: yeah yeah stop it with your mind voodoo for once i said ill go  
AG: I’m in too. I can’t really just leave you losers all alone or this party is gonna suuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!  
GC: 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S 4 GR34T 1D34 FROM TH3 ST4RT  
GC: 1M SUR3 1T H4S TH3 POT3NT14L TO CR34T3 LOTS OF WOND3RFULLY SM3LL1NG S1TU4T1ONS!  
CG: WELL IF FUCKING EVERYONE IS GOING I GUESS I HAVE NO GOD DAMNED CHOICE IN THE MATTER. COUNT ME IN FOR THIS SHITWRECK.  
GA: Well It Is Settled Then The Party Shall Meet Up In The Common Room In Two Days Thank You Everyone  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased responding to memo  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased responding to memo  
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased responding to memo  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased responding to memo  
TG: hey karkat um  
TG: could you pester me real quick?  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased responding to memo  
TG: alright  
TG: later then  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased responding to memo  
terminallyCapricious [TC] responded to memo  
TC: ...  
TC: :o(  
terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased responding to memo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update. You're welcome.


	14. but im the problem right

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGenticist [CG]  
TG: you there man  
carcinoGenticist [CG] is an idle chum!  
TG: alright well  
TG: when you get back please read this  
TG: im so sorry for whatever i did  
TG: please talk to me  
TG:  
TG:  
TG:  
TG: okay well ill just leave the chat window open until you wanna answer or whatever  
TG: im really sorry  
CG: DAVE?  
turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum!  
CG: OKAY. OKAY. UM.  
CG: I’M AN ASSHOLE OKAY?  
CG: YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG.  
CG: THIS ISN’T YOUR FAULT AT ALL I’M JUST BEING STUPID.  
CG: I NEEDED SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT THINGS BUT I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU.  
CG: I’M FINE NOW.  
CG: I’M SO FUCKING SORRY.  
TG: okay  
TG: are you sure its not me cuz  
TG: i saw you with kanaya and rose  
TG: so uh  
TG: could you tell me how I fucked up  
CG: NO.  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: DAVE YOU DIDN’T FUCK UP.  
TG: but im the problem right  
CG: NO. YOU'RE FUCKING NOT. YOU’RE FINE. YOU’RE A GREAT FRIEND AND I APPRECIATE YOUR COMPANY AND I JUST NEEDED TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT AND I’M DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  
TG: karkat  
TG: karkat come on im sorry  
TG: we dont have to talk about it anymore  
TG:  
TG:  
TG:  
TG: okay well  
TG: see you tomorrow  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a small bonus chapter to hold y'all over until i can write the next few chapters which will include multiple characters and therefore take longer


	15. Doom by Girly Clichés

You are waiting in the hall that you know Dave will have to walk down right before he gets to the common room. You refuse to spend this entire stupid anniversary in awkward silence with your best friend. You hear footsteps and wait, tense as he turns the corner. His stride falters, as if he was sensing an ambush, and really, this is just a glorified version of one.

“Hey…” You say. He stands farther from you then he usually does and you're kicking yourself because this is exactly what would've happened if you had just told him anyways so what the fuck was this drama for?

“Hey man” he deadpans.

“Um, I just wanted to make sure we were okay? I mean, I was being stupid and I just want to forget about this and go back to the way things were.” you babble.

“Yeah of course we’re okay, I thought you weren’t okay with me” he says, looking relieved.

“No, there is no conceivable timeline where I'm not okay with you” you say. He smiles at your moronic sappy comment and he looks so gorgeous. You feel like you should do something. You reach out and touch his shoulder uncertainly. He raises an eyebrow at you and you feel stupid. 

"Dude are you trying to show affection?” he asks. He looks amused and fuck you want to kiss him. You also kind of want to punch him.

“Shut up. I am performing a bro-like motion of togetherness and solidarity. Obviously.”

“Oh? You know if you want to hug me you can, you don’t have to be so shady about it. You’re acting like an angsty white suburban teen who thinks shoplifting will make them seem cool, but they’ve never done it before. You grab the strider hug way to suspiciously, going up to the shelf five fucking times before grabbing it and examining it slowly, waiting for no one to see you then you shove it down your shirt, where it leaves a huge bulge. The mall cops know that you’re lifting but you-” You quickly hug him, wrapping your arms around his middle a little bit aggressively in your attempt of trying to throw yourself into the hug so you wouldn’t have time to think about it too much.

It’s too late, you’re thinking about it way too hard. Your mind is screaming at you to get the fuck away from him before he returns the hug and you get trapped and he kills you, while another part is doing a fucking jig about how nice his body feels against yours and how you two fit together really well because you can tuck your head under his chin or rest it on his shoulder so easily. You don’t do any of these things because you’re already acting socially awkward and creepy enough as it is.

You feel him stiffen and you’re probably really stiff too. He wraps his arms around you awkwardly, laughing at you to cover up his obvious discomfort. This makes alarms go off in your head telling you ten times louder than before to get the hell away.

You pull away from him, your face burning and your body a little shaky with adrenaline. You feel like running away and melting in your block half from embarrassment and half from panic. You feel a little better when he tries to keep walking towards the party and stumbles a little.

At least you’re not the only sorry fuck that can’t deal with physical contact. You follow him, and it occurs to you that you've never seen Dave hug anyone or initiate any kind of physical contact that wasn't necessary. You frown, sifting through your thinkpan. He must’ve hugged Rose at least once. Right?

“Karkat, you are walking way too slowly to your death by girly cliches. Take it like a man. Walk right into that room full of girls who could all probably kill you in a fight to the death scenario and act like you’re not completely freaking the fuck out. And never. I repeat, never. Suggest or encourage that we play truth or dare. Trust me, you do not want the brilliant and wickedly strategic minds of all the babes on this meteor plotting against you.” Dave rambles.

You roll your eyes and pick up your pace a little. “I’m sure it’s not half as bad as you claim it is. You're such a fucking drama queen sometimes.”

“You won't be saying that when you have to shove your tongue down one of our throats as a dare. And if it's Vriska, it'll probably be me because she has a weird fascination with Strider on Vantas makeouts. It'll be extremely awkward and you will regret ever crawling out of your freaky hyper sleep cocoon” he states firmly.

You almost trip any the mention of the two of you making out. No, being forced to make out oh god. You can feel your face heating up and you try to keep down the blush.

“What kind of sick fucking game is that?! That is the most vile and insanely moronic thing you humans have ever invented. And you invented John’s entire movie collection.”

He laughs and pats your shoulder in mock comfort and all you can think is that the first person be thought of that you would be forced to lip lock with was him. Then you remind yourself that he was using that instance as an example to put you off to the idea of playing such a game. Despite this information a small stupidly hopeful voice in your head still cries out: maybe he just wanted to see how you’d react. Maybe he feels that way for you. You then dispel all of these thoughts with the one decision that makes them all insignificant. You don't care whether or not Dave is secretly pining for you. You couldn't be together anyways.

“...you’d probably stop breathing or something when faced with that romantic tension” he finishes.

“Huh?” You grunt eloquently.

“Meteor to Karkat. Come in Karkat. Where did you go? Huston we have a problem.”

“Oh shut the fuck up. I was contemplating the vast ocean of things the human race, my creation by the way, would have done so much better under my guidance. What were you blabbering about?”

“I was saying that there's a worse human game called seven minutes in heaven. Because damn man you haven't even heard the worst of it with truth or dare.”

“Well?”

“You and someone else get randomly picked to be shoved in a closet for seven minutes and are expected to make out or whatever you can accomplish within that time.” He winks at you and you hit his shoulder.

“So basically all human party games are created to be awkward as hell and ruin multiple friendships and/or quadrants”

“Basically all the interesting ones, yeah”

“Great” you grunt sarcastically.

Dave nudges you with his shoulder. “We’ll suffer simultaneously. Let's just agree now never to speak of this night again because I'm pretty sure shits going to go down that we did not want to be a part of when we woke up.”

“Agreed” you push open the door at the end of the hallway, unsure of what exactly you’ll find on the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah yeah I know. You said you would take forever because of the multiple characters. Haha. Yeah. No. School and procrastination on this one, sorry guys. NEXT CHAPTER THERE WILL BE MORE CHARACTERS. And I will die in characterization correction hell.


	16. Ogling Your Best Friend

You see Kanaya’s eyes light up when she sees you come in with Dave in tow, delighted that the two of you made up.

“Ah, Karkat, Dave, you have arrived. Excellent. We are only waiting on Vriska and Terezi now, no doubt to make a grand entrance.” She says, climbing down from a pile of pillows that she's gathered into the middle of the room, framed by three couches to make an open square. Of course even in the chaos, everything has a touch of organization and style to it that was obviously Kanaya’s doing.

She places a hand gently on your shoulder and squeezes it. She knows about your contact thing, and is always doing things like this in lieu of actually hugging you. You smile gratefully, knowing you definitely couldn't handle anything else like that so soon. You're still jittery with adrenaline.

“Nice outfit.” You say, raising an eyebrow at her relaxed attire. It still looks amazing and somehow elegant on her, even though she's wearing a loose green tank top and simple black shorts. It still has her signature all over it, just in smaller ways, like the way the light fabric of her top make her appear as if she's gliding when it moves in a cloud around her hips and waist and her shorts have little white buttons on the hem much like her traditional red skirt.

Okay so you might have a little bit of a thing for Kanaya in a strictly pale sense. But really that just makes your pale feelings for Dave seem even stranger. Kanaya looks down at herself and pulls the hem of her tank top to one side to show off the billowy effect it has.

“Yes, I admit it is quite a change from my usual appearance. Although it feels a bit strange to be frolicking around in socks and pajamas, Rose informed me that this kind of ensemble is traditional to the event. I have taken the liberty of making traditional pajamas for all of us” she explains brightly. You can't help but find it cute how eager she is to embrace human culture.

“How the fuck do you manage to look like a goth ballerina in pajamas? Is there anything you can wear that’ll make you seem less attractive? I swear to god we need to put you in a potato sack for science. I bet you'd still look fucking fantastic in that. Is this just a thing with all you troll babes?” Dave rambles.

Rose, who had been dragging some blankets into the room, paused in her work to throw a pillow at Dave’s face. She hits her mark perfectly.

“David, your ability to run your mouth off without ever thinking of the implications of your speech is astounding. Although normally I'd love to hash this out with you to get to the root of your tendency to unknowingly sexualize everyone you meet, let's keep your tirades about Kanaya to a minimum.” She says, making her way over to Dave, clad in lilac shorts and a sweatshirt with the neckline so huge that it hangs off one shoulder. This is obviously another creation of Kanaya’s, because no one else would make a white sweatshirt with an octopus of dark purple lace sewn in the middle.

“I wasn't sexualizing your alien gf. I'm just not blind. Come on, you're dating a chainsaw-wielding vampire ballerina. How the fuck am I not supposed to comment on that?” He asks, picking up the pillow and throwing it back at her. She catches it and throws it into the pile with the rest of them.

“Alright alright. Where are these outfits? I swear to god if you make me look like a highblood, Kanaya I will make it my personal mission to spoil every rainbow drinker romance novel you ever read from this day forward.” You threaten, slightly worried about the outfit choice. You've never directly told Kanaya about your reasons for always covering up and so far all you've seen are shorts. You really don't want to deal with how awkward it'll be to explain why you can't wear her outfit. Hell you can only ever wear t-shirts when you lock yourself in your block and stew in your own horribleness.

She smiles smugly, her sylladex making a popping sound as two sets of folded pajamas fall out “I shall have to do that next time”

You takes the folded clothes she hands you and watch as Dave does the same. “The two of you can change in the ablution blocks down the hall while Rose and I finish setting up”

You nod, muttering a thank you before shuffling back into the hallway with Dave.

“Well I don't know about you, but I'm ready to look fabulous” he jokes.

“Yes, a fabulous fucking dork lord. Now get in there and change, idiot” you roll your eyes

“See you on the other side” he says before heading into one of the ablution blocks.

You begrudgingly enter the one next to it and lock the door. You find that to your relief she made you a long sleeved shirt and full length pants. Of course she did. Kanaya is just that kind of considerate person and you freaked out over nothing. You take your turtleneck off and pull the grey shirt over your head. You notice that it's a v-neck with a small frown but you can handle that much. It's actually really comfortable and she embroidered the outline of little crabs all over it.

You can do this. She obviously spent a lot of time on it. You pull on the new pants next which are ridiculously soft and jet black. You notice that she avoided using any color that would imply any hemospectrum bullshit, which you also appreciate. That appreciation is soon replaced with mild irritation when you actually get the pants all the way on.

They're skin tight. But not everywhere, to give her some credit. But they're tight around your ass. You grimace. She's always on you for wearing such baggy clothing when “there is nothing undesirable about your figure.” You captchalogue your clothes along with your shoes, shuffling out in your socks back into the hallway.

Dave isn't out there, you assume he's either staring at his “fabulous” reflection or he's already inside the common room. You storm in there, about to lecture Kanaya about how your ass is not something about you that you need accentuated.

That's when you see Dave. He's wearing a candy red t-shirt that clings to him and shows off what all that sword fighting did to his chest, arms, and stomach. It's not like he's ripped or anything, but he's toned and his muscles are different as a human. They create a pleasing pattern down his stomach, ending in a “v” shape, almost enticing you to let your eyes wander further down.

Fuck. No. No ogling your best friend. Stop. You see that he's wearing loose black shorts that reach to his knees and thank your lucky stars that they don't hug him in the way your pants do you. You feel heat rush to your cheeks when it hits you that she dressed him in your fucking color. She might as well have stamped your sign on the ass of his shorts, it would've been more subtle.

You pull Kanaya to the side, away from Dave and Rose’s playful bantering.

“What the fuck?” You hiss.

She raises a delicate eyebrow at you “what is it Karkat?”

“You can't just dress him up in a sexy _candy fucking red_ shirt right in front of me”

“Oh yes, that. Well you see, candy red is not exclusively your color Karkat. In fact, I do not recall you ever wearing it. Dave, on the other hand, well he seems very fond of it. And as for the “sexy” factor, I believe that has less to do with the shirt and more to do with the person wearing it, do you not agree? It is only a t-shirt Karkat” she explains, a sly smile on her lips.

Kanaya doesn't think that you should deny yourself a relationship just because you might die in battle. When you tried to explain that there is no might about it, she has firmly denied that she would ever let that happen. She's convinced that any of us could die, but since that hasn't stopped anyone else, it shouldn't stop you either.

This is just her passive aggressive way of showing you what you're missing while not really showing you. You frown, glaring daggers in her direction. You know that you can't argue anymore and it's not like you can ask Dave to change for no fucking reason.

“Tanika and Kymali kiss in chapter ten while Tanika is still in a vacillating relationship with Myraos.” You say without remorse. She gasps, smacking your shoulder.

“You are lying. She could never. What she has with Myraos is special.” She protests. You shrug with a smirk

“I guess it wasn't special enough. Just like that one character who gets killed off in chapter sixteen”

“Karkat Vantas. You will rue the day you besmirched the name of Tanika.” Kanaya says, mouth twisted into a frown.

“Don't believe me? Read it and weep” you say, turning on your heel and joining the conversation Dave and Rose are having.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE. You're welcome. Block over. This is going to end up being a multiple chapter arc. Because theres finally some plot. Kind of.


	17. Eat the God Damn Twinkie

You're all settled into a comfortable state of small talk while sending each other meaningful glances that Dave doesn't understand the meaning of, along with making sly remarks that Dave doesn't understand the meaning of when the door bursts open and hits the wall with a bang.

Vriska struts into the room looking very proud of herself while Terezi is situated quite happily on Vriska’s back, holding her jacket like reigns to a horse. Vriska had obviously kicked the door open, since her hands are occupied with keeping Terezi’s knees securely around her waist.

“Her most majestic Dragoness and her fearsome companion of the arachnid persuasion have arrived!” Terezi shouts, waving her hands around for emphasis and almost falling off of Vriska in the process.

“Please, hold your applause. No need to make a scene.” Vriska announces, crouching a little to allow Terezi to hop off of her. She does so with a certain propriety that isn't often associated with piggyback rides.

“I declare this party started” Terezi says with a small nod of approval.

“Not quite yet” Kanaya says, moving from your little gathering towards the two of them. She explains the pajama ordeal and hands them both their pairs from her sylladex.

Once Vriska begrudgingly leaves after complaining loudly about Kanaya not only stealing her thunder, but letting it run off into the furthest ring, screaming in agony, you all help Kanaya set up the food. Apparently all of this is also traditional human shit.

You frown when you see the little yellow cakes that Dave excitedly told you are called Twinkies. You're not sure if you want to risk eating anything that's fucking yellow. When you explain this to Dave he looks at you incredulously.

“Karkat, are you saying that there are no yellow troll foods?” He asks.

“Unless you count the blood of your enemies that happen to be mustard bloods” you say with a shrug.

“Dude. Lemons. Bananas. Squash. Bell peppers. Corn.”

“You do realize I have no idea what the fuck any of those things are.”

“Just eat the Twinkie”

“Fuck you. I'm not putting your weird yellow pastry in my mouth. I could get food poisoning.”

“You know that's bullshit. We literally dedicated a whole day just to eating foods from other planets. Alien buffet. Now fucking eat it”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

You cross your arms in front of your chest stubbornly. He grabs a Twinkie from the plate.

“I'm giving you one last chance to take the god damn Twinkie, Vantas”

You raise an eyebrow “or fucking what, Strider?”

He pushes the Twinkie against your lips. “Eat the Twinkie Karkat”

You turn your head away and back off a few steps “go fuck yourself. Better yet go fuck the Twinkie since you seem so in lust for-”

He tries to shove it in your mouth while you talk and you push his hand away “what the fuck, Dave? I'm not gonna fucking eat it”

“You will taste all of the msg ridden goodness that Earth has to offer” he insists, shoving it at your mouth again.

You grab his wrist and pull it away from you. “No, I fucking won't!”

You try to step backwards and away from him only to collide with Dave’s chest. The fucker must've flashstepped. You curse and try to duck out from under the offensive Twinkie holding arm, but he wraps an arm around you and under your armpits to keep you in place. You squirm around in his grasp, feeling the slightest bit of panic, but crushing it as soon as it's identified. You are not freaking out because of this bullshit. You thrash around harder anyways, because although you're not freaking out, you're still not letting this fucker win.

“Come on Karkat”

“Let go of me you imbecile!”

“You know you want it” he says, right in your ear due to the fact that you're braced against his chest and you shudder, going limp and throwing your entire body weight downwards. He struggles to get you upright again, having to hold you even tighter to him. You mentally kick yourself repetitively because now not only are you pressed up against him in his thin shirt, but he's also panting with the effort of trying to keep you still. And his hot breath is splaying across your neck as he chuckles quietly.

“You- you fucking-” you're at a loss for words, red faced and panting softly yourself. The adreneline, fear, and quite frankly mild arousal you feel is all too much for you to process at the moment. Half of you wants Dave to let you fucking go and the other half, well, your mind is racing with possibility. That doesn't matter, though, because Dave takes this opportunity to succeed in force feeding you a Twinkie.

You sputter a bit, shaking yourself out of his grasp. You eventually manage to chew and swallow what ended up in your mouth, frowning at all the cake and filling you can feel sticking to your face. He’s laughing his ass off at the mess he's made of you and uses his finger to swipe away a bit of Twinkie from your cheek and eat it, which makes you grow redder in the face.

There was so much fucking quadrant vacillation in that one move alone holy fucking-

“Are we already eating food off of each other or is that just the wonder wrigglers? I thought this party was supposed to be wild and dangerous!” You hear Vriska whine and look up to find her in a white nightgown that reaches just past her knees and seems to be a bit of a jab from Kanaya at the dress Vriska made her make in the past.

Terezi tumbles in after her in bright red pajama pants quite like your own and a black long sleeve shirt with bands of rainbow all up the arms. She grins happily and bounds over to Kanaya, embracing her enthusiastically.

“The pants smell wonderful. You did an excellent job Lady Rainbow Drinker.” Terezi releases Kanaya only to come dancing over to you and throw an arm around your shoulders.

“So what trouble have you gotten yourself into now Karkles. Couldn't even wait for all the guests to arrive before you stuffed your load gaper with..?” She pauses to lick the sticky confection from your face.

Terezi grimaces “what the fuck? Why is it yellow? Senior Cherry Blast Coolkid, you have some explaining to do”

Dave opens his mouth to speak but Rose hurriedly cuts him off “So as to avoid a lengthy explanation, the short version would be as follows: some human foods so happen to be yellow. Sorry, dear brother mine, but you do tend to go on and I believe that Kanaya would like to get started since everyone has arrived”

“Yes, that would be optimal” Kanaya says, handing you a napkin to wipe your face off. Not, of course, before sending you a pointed look that says plainly ‘how-nice-would-it-be-to-be-that-close-to-Dave-all-the-time?’. You narrow your eyes at her but take the napkin anyways and wipe away the cake on your face.

“I think, it would be traditional to start with more basic and tame sleepover activities, and get to the more worrisome after we have all watched a movie and tired ourselves out a little. Rose has explained to me that this is best for maximum sleep deprivation creativity and honesty to make games like Truth or Dare more interesting” Kanaya explains.

She goes on to tell what you will be doing right now as Dave leans over and whispers to you “See I told you it would happen. Run for your life Karcrab.” You roll your eyes and he frowns the slightest bit. “You've got a little...” He mutters, pointing at his nose. 

You wipe it unceremoniously on the back of your hand and look up at him for confirmation that you got it. He shakes his head and cups a hand around your jaw to steady your face as he wipes off some Twinkie stuck to the end of your nose.

You blink a few times, trying to process how not to kiss him right now. As you finally get a grip on yourself he lets you go and goes back to listening to Kanaya. You stare down at your shoes, face heating up yet again as Kanaya talks about nails or something.

It makes you slightly uncomfortable how easily Dave can make you blush and present your blood color to the world when you had such a fucking tight handle on that before the game. You notice then that, as ever, he's still not wearing his god tier shoes. You smile just a bit to yourself. He never has, has he? As soon as he got on this fucking rock he alchemized those replacements and has been wearing them for a fucking year. You find it endearing in a strange, annoying kind of way. That's just Dave.

“So, are we ready to get started?” Kanaya ask. You look up and nod even though you have no fucking clue what you're ready for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, another chapter of word vomit and Davekat filth. Enjoy. Sorry about the capitalization of Twinkies but my phone insists that Twinkies must be capital.
> 
> EDIT: alright so I added like two or three sentences to patch up Dave's slightly ooc bit that bothered me. It's still a bit bold for Dave but it could happen? Trying to write romance between these two squeamish dorks is difficult without the occasional spout of boldness and/or obliviousness.


	18. "XDXDXDXD~~~~~~~~"

You find very quickly that you are doing each other's nails. You scoff at the many colored polishes set out for you all. Trolls usually apply a coat of nail strengthening serum for defensive reasons. But that kind of stuff only happens once a month for those who can afford it. As for Karkat, he never got his hands on any of it, but colored polish was almost exclusively a seadweller thing. Even then it was considered the height of frivolousness.

Apparently this isn't the case in human culture. Nail painting is considered a normal activity for the female populace and a demeaning activity for the male populace because of the weird ass fucking human gender bias. You still don't understand that at all but whatever.

Kanaya and Rose have supplied clear nail strengthening serum as well as polish of a variety of different colors. You will not be using any of that colored bullshit, but you are sure as hell taking advantage of the serum. You don't know why you didn't think of alchemizing it before but you're probably going to end up stealing the bottle at least temporarily to get more of it. If you're going to fight in some huge battle you might as well give it all you've got before your inevitable demise to clear the path some for the rest of you.

“So everyone pick a color, Karkat I will point out that I have created both black and grey as an option for you” Kanaya suggests.

You grimace “Kanaya, when I said I didn't want to look like a highblood snob I fucking meant it. If I paint my nails any sort of color, even an anonymous grey, I am forsaking all of my dignity. In fact, my dignity would be on fire, running away screaming it's breathing ventilators out and flipping all the shit it has ever had the pleasure to possess”

“Yeah I'm going to have to pass up on the nail coating ritual too.” Dave agrees.

Rose narrows her eyes at him “Dave, would this have anything to do with ridiculous gender qualms leftover from our deceased society?”

“Maybe it does have something to do with that. Maybe it doesn't. You don't know me. You don't know my life. It's not a phase mom. Etcetera, etcetera.” He replies, waving a dismissive hand at her.

“You have to at least partake in a clear coating. Men used to do that all the time in our previous society that is, at the risk of sounding repetitive, dead, gone, destroyed”

You can feel the tension rising between them as Rose’s fixed glare never wavers and Dave stubbornly holds his ground. He opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off.

“Well I for one intend to take full advantage of free nail serum. I might not want to look like a silly asshole by gaudily dawning my nail paint, but I'll gladly strengthen my nails, if only for the sake of practicality. And Dave, if you still have a problem with it for some fucking reason, you can hide your desire for great fucking nails under your stupidly thin guise of the god forsaken concept of ‘human irony’” you say, giving him a meaningful look.

You just gave him an out and you swear to god if he doesn't take it you're going to have to have a serious talk with him.

A serious talk that a friend with have with another friend.

By no means would you have a serious feelings jam.

There's a difference.

“Yes well, dare we to begin? I am making the assumption that all of you know how to perform this task, yes? In any case, if you happen not to, you will find plenty of help surrounding you. Now Rose, which color do you prefer on me?” Kanaya interjects, also sensing the tension. You send her a grateful half smile and turn to Dave, grabbing the clear bottle.

“I'm not painting my god damn nails. I have sacrificed enough of my manhood just going to this stupid party” he pouts. You roll your eyes and grab his wrist, taking him to sit on some pillows in the corner.

“You will have shiny ass nails and you will like it, Strider. Besides, no one here cares about your ‘manhood’. The majority of us don't even know what the fuck that means. It was normal for male trolls to do this sort of thing if you had enough money, if that makes you feel any better. And I'll do it with you, okay?”

He sighs a long drawn out sigh. “Fine. But I'm doing it myself, I don't need any help.” Your eyebrows furrow and you flick the side of his shades. He frowns at you.

“Stop being a whiny pissbaby. You've obviously never done this before. You're going to make a big fucking mess and accidentally spill the shit all over your sad person. Then your entire body will be shiney and you'll come cry to me about how everything is horrible and how your ‘manhood’, as you call it, booked it the fuck out of here and Bec Noir ate it on its way into the void”

“I'm not that incompetent. I'm like at least semi-competent. I'd probably only spill it all over my shoes. My manhood could roll with shiney shoes. Shiney shoes are cool as fuck. Walking down the street and blinding some mother fuckers with my fucking awesome shiney- _what are you doing?_ ” He looks at you with mild panic showing clearly on his face despite his shades.

You hold his hand in yours to steady it and you were about to apply the first coat to his index finger.

“I'm putting the strengthening serum on you, don't get your ridiculous pajama cape in a knot.” You roll your eyes for about the fifth time today and begin smoothing it onto his nail with the tiny brush.

“My cape is thoroughly in knots. As in grade A boyscout knots. I'm never getting it straight again. Uh. Also never getting it out of the knots. But um I could try and then iron the shit out of it so it's completely straight. Yeah.” Dave’s face grows progressively redder as he continues rambling.

“God damn, Strider this isn't a fucking proposal. You're acting like I just grabbed whatever human genitalia you have and asked you to hatefuck yourself up on my bone bulge until I puke my rage into your mouth” you grumble, avoiding his eyes. You're just steadying his hand. No big deal. This is an action void of romance.

He laughs at you but it seems a bit forced. He's deathly quiet the whole damn time and it's starting to get really awkward. He flinches when you finish his right hand and grab his left. “Alright what the fuck? Is this some sort of weird human thing where I can't touch your hands at all?” You ask.

He shakes his head “No. I mean. It's fine or whatever but it's kind of gay, bro.”

You look at him incredulously “Gay? What's gay? Is this more of that homosexual nonsense you all love to spew? Sexuality?”

“Yeah. And this is gay. Like two guys getting a little too cuddly in a strictly not bro way. Gay. And I'm not gay Karkat. I mean, I know all trolls are basically gay and my sister definitely is and that's cool and everything but I'm not gay. I don't want you to get the wrong idea or whatever because I know I'm pretty hot shit” he jokes “like the hottest of hot shit. It's on fucking fire. Get the kids out of the house the bathroom’s burning down kinda hot shit. But um. I just wanted to make it clear that our broship is completely no homo. Like not even a scrap of homo. Devoid of all homo. Ask us where the homo is, we don't know, go ask Rosemary over there. That's their shipping name by the way. I thought of it. I take full ownership for how kawaii it is. Full on ‘don't like don't read XDXDXDXD~~~~~~~~~~’ bullshit.”

“I..... Have no idea what 50% of that meant.” You say “are you asking if I have a crush on you?”

He turns red “No no no! And of you do I don't wanna know man it's fine it's cool but I'm straight. Straight as a fucking pencil. I just wanted you to know that I definitely don't have a crush on you. No offense to you I mean you're great and you look great like good for you 9/10 would bang I just happen to be the 1/10 straight guys.”

You try not to be hurt. You have no right to be hurt. You always knew that this was probably going to happen. This is why you didn't get your hopes up. This is why you didn't pursue him.

But damn. You feel like you've been stabbed. And you have been stabbed so you absolutely fucking know what it feels like.

You nod at him “yeah don't worry about it I understand”

You understand that you want to lock yourself in your room and cry.

“Alright cool. Just wanted to make sure”

You nod again and quickly finish up his left hand, dropping it as soon as you can.

“You still got the other 9/10, bro those are pretty damn good odds. Or wait... How many of us are even left? Like okay. There's like seven trolls, but two fucked off somewhere. Then four humans. And four more humans were gonna meet up with so that's like fifteen. So 14/15. Or no... There's John. So thirteen. No wait, Rose and Kanaya are in lesbians so, nah. And then there's those two trolls that fucked off. And you probably don't want Vriska after your fine ass. So eight. Oh and then there's psycho clown. And your ex. And... Oh shit I forgot Davesprite. But he's probs not gay because he's me... But you've still got, Jade. And um. My mom. And John’s g-ma. And then there's Jade’s old man. But like he's not old. He could be gay I don't know man. Bro’s probably not gay though so um. You've got 4/16. So that's like 1/4. 25%. Still pretty-” you shove a hand over his mouth to stop his rambling before you really start to cry.

“Yes, Dave. I'm well aware of my increasingly worrisome options for any type of relationship before I die. But it doesn't matter because I obviously can't get together with anyone on this meteor before the battle. So. Yeah. I know that.” You trail off. You don't mention that you never actually dated Terezi. You just flirted with her pathetically. Nothing ever happened.

Dave frowns at your last statement and looks as if he's going to say something when he's hit in the head with a pillow. You look towards the culprit gratefully, thanking your lucky stars that you were saved from that depressing conversation. Terezi grins at the two of you.

“Could you two pitysquawkbeasts come join the rest of us all ready? I doubt Dave's very skilled with his hands when it comes to painting nails” she calls. Okay. Ow. Not the right time for jabs about your romantic standing with Dave.

Dave probably didn't catch the implication of that statement because he got up and started moving towards them without a reaction. You follow suit, your facade of being perfectly okay with how hurt and miserable you feel standing strong.

Until Vriska speaks, that is.

“Unless you were planning on putting his hands to other uses, then please take it outside you two” she sneers.

You almost hit her.

Almost.

Instead you focus on Terezi, who can tell by now that something is wrong, based on how you probably look. Sure you usually want something to fall from the ceiling and kill Vriska, but you seldom have to hold yourself back from getting the job done yourself.

You tune out whatever argument Dave and Vriska get into about the nature of your friendship and the courtesy of not making inappropriate comments about others blah blah blah.

You hand the nail coating to Terezi without a word and she starts on your nails.

“So...” She says, eyes on your nails. At least you think they're on your nails. Fuck, that doesn't even matter, she doesn't use them to see anyways what the hell are you thinking? She's surprisingly good at not getting the serum all over your fingers.

“So?” You reply. You do not want to have this conversation right now. You just want to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen.

“What happened? I could smell your sad little face from a mile away even if Dave was too oblivious to see it right in front of him” she asks.

You snort and are hit suddenly with just how much you missed Terezi. There she sits before you, pointy and angular with her black lips twisted into a no nonsense scowl while he paints your nails and completely owns you. And she's just as beautiful as you remembered, except now you're not constantly making a fool of yourself by being a needy asshole and driving her away. You can't help but smile a bit, because even after all that along with avoiding each other for a year she still butts back into your personal life to make sure you're okay like nothing ever happened.

You may not be horns over heels for her anymore, but you can still appreciate the hell out of the force of nature that is Terezi Pyrope.

“It's fine. I just got smacked down into the I'm-not-a-homosexual-and-you're-probably-going-to-die-alone-but-it's-chill-we’ll-still-be-best-bros-forever zone. My ass hurts a little from the harsh impact but I'm otherwise okay” you muse, frowning and trying to fight the urge to curl back into your shell and never come out.

“That good huh?” She flashes you a small little shit eating grin that shows off her pointy teeth.

“I'm sure we’ll be eternally bonded by the patron saints of pity within a day or two” you reply sarcastically.

“Well hey you could always go for the Mayor, I hear the only lady friend he has his eye on is a murderous flying dog woman now. Although he may also not be a homosexual. Do carapaces have sexuality or are they like us sensible people?” She asks, finishing your left hand.

“If they do then I'm definitely dying alone. Don't you know that I've been secretly waiting for the perfect opportunity to snatch up the Mayor into one of my quadrants? He's super hot, gotta be quick before he's taken. I know you've been vying for his red quadrant”

She gasps and raises a hand to her mouth dramatically, wiggling her rainbow colored nails at him. “Oh Karkles, am I really that transparent?”

You laugh at her as she chides you to be still so she can finish your bare hand. You think that this could be okay. Even if you never get a movie magic relationship that you've always wanted, you have kick ass friends. And maybe that’ll be enough. You'd have liked to have had your first kiss though.

“Speaking of the Mayor, where the fuck is he? He is a very important member of this group without whom we are seriously lacking in legal authority. I can't single handedly carry you all!” Terezi shouts loud enough for everyone to hear before whispering to you “I'm thinking having a sweet presence like the mayor here will help tame any wild shenanigans that may ensue as the event charges onward” She winks at you and you wink back at her, able to forget about your worries in this lovely moment.

That is until Dave yells in agreement “Hell yeah, where’s my right hand man at?”

You sigh and slip the serum into your sylladex. You have a feeling this is going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think as a writer your number one priority is to make readers hate you but keep coming back for more.
> 
> Sorry for the long wait guys. I've been super busy and lazy.


	19. Not Weak

You collect the Mayor and end up watching a movie of your choosing. It's a short romcom about a guy who is black for his superior soldier. Meanwhile, the moirail of the superior is black for the main protagonist, so the superior has sworn him off, but is secretly pitch for him as well. Shenanigans ensue as they try to woo each other while on a long journey to the nearest planet the empire wants to conquer.

 

You figured it was appropriate considering the circumstances.

 

“Well now that we've got the bullshit movie over with, can we pleeeeeeeease get to the dangerous shit?” Vriska whines.

 

“By dangerous shit I'm presuming you are referring to truth or dare” Rose states, looking ever so slightly more amused than she should be. Rose has a knack for making you feel nervous for things before you even know what they are.

 

“No. Fuck no. I painted my nails. I watched the weird hate date movie. I am not playing your vindictive torture game.” Dave protests.

 

He looks to you for support and you nod “It seems like there isn't a situation I can fathom where this turns out to be any fucking good for any of us”

 

“Don't let Dave’s melodrama get to you Karkat. My brother, as ever, is fond of hyperbole.” Rose says, but she still looks too amused for her own good.

 

“I don't-” Dave starts, but he falls silent when the door flies open with an angry bang.

 

Your head snaps to the door. Gamzee walks in. He looks tired and pissed. Your bloodpusher clenches. He stomps to the buffet and grabs a platter of cupcakes, turning on his heel and heading out the door.

 

“Gamzee-” you call out, reaching a hand towards him as if that would stop him from three feet away.

 

You're answered with a slamming door.

 

Everyone is dead quiet and you feel those familiar feelings settling in again. Pain, shame, mortification, weakness, insecurity.

 

Someone should say something. Someone should break the fucking silence. You hate it. You fucking hate that everyone is _staring_ at you.

 

“So.... How about a round of truth or dare?” Dave asks tentatively, frowning a little.

 

“Yessssssss!” Vriska shouts victoriously.

 

You nod silently, grateful for the shift in everyone’s attention.

 

Rose pounces on it immediately to keep its momentum “Alright, everyone gather in a circle.”

 

You all follow her directions and you end up sitting between Dave and Kanaya. She gives your hand a small squeeze before letting go as quickly as she grabbed it. You nudge her shoulder with your head and she smiles, knowing that from you it was an affectionate thing.

 

“The rules of the game are quite simple. One game member asks another to choose their poison: truth or dare. If truth is chosen they must answer a single question truthfully. If dare is chosen they must follow any one command. The command or question may be chosen by the one game member, but they are allowed a conference. If you refuse a truth you must perform a dare and vice versa. Any questions?” She explains.

 

“What if you refuse both?” You ask.

 

“Then you must be penalized in some horribly embarrassing way” Rose waves her hand to emphasize the cagey statement “to be decided by the rest of the circle of course”

 

“Alright hold your fucking revenge horses” Dave interjects. “I know if I don't lay down some reasonable rules someone is gonna end up lighting shit on fire and killing us all. We're using a bottle to spin and chose the victim so we can't target any one person. We also can't dare anything physically painful or dangerous. No emotionally scarring truths. Nothing overtly sexual. I mean I guess flirting and kissing is fine, but no make outs or stripping or lap dances”

 

“Are those particular types of dares common in games like these?” Kanaya asks, looking slightly worried.

 

“Yes. But they're outlawed.” Dave says before Rose can get a word in. You're suddenly feeling much less enthusiastic.

 

The Mayor giddily supplies you with a can of tab in place of a bottle and you clear a hole in the pillow mound so you can spin it on a flat surface.

 

“So who goes first?” Terezi asks.

 

“I believe I will since I am one of the only two of us who has a frame of reference for this game” Rose says decidedly, spinning the can. Please don't let it land on you. Not on you. Please. Please. Please.

 

It lands on Dave, who doesn't hesitate in answering “Dare”

 

Rose raises a delicate pale eyebrow “oh? So certain of you, brother dear”

 

“Yep. Come the fuck at me. We're doing this. We're making this happen. I warn-” he starts rambling, but you cut him off.

 

“Dave I fucking swear, I know what you're going to say and if you finish that sentence I will end you” you shout over him.

 

He sticks his tongue out at you and smirks. “I warned you about _dares_ bro.”

 

“I really, really, hate you in the most strictly platonic sense of the word.”

 

“I am so incredibly wounded by your piercing words, I may not even survive this pain. I won't be able to complete my turn if I die. And hell yes it'll be a just death. You'll have to punish my dead body. Oh wait shit that sounded so fucking dirty. Yeah on second thought don't punish my corpse, thanks.”

 

“Dave.” Rose states, raising her voice just slightly.

 

“Alright alright, dare me” Dave relents.

 

“I dare you to wear your cape as a scarf” she says.

 

“Wow Rosie, I would've expected much worse from you” he takes his cape out of his sylladex with a pop and wraps it around his neck. You scoff. He looks like a fucking idiot. More than usual.

 

“It's the first dare, I can be civil” Rose pauses before adding with an unsettling smirk “perhaps you should hope to be dared by me later in the game”

 

Dave moves his head in a way that you know he's rolling his eyes behind his shades, spinning the can. It lands on Rose again.

 

“Truth” she says.

 

“That's such a fucking cop out” Dave says.

 

“Oh yes, because my dare was villainous in nature and deserves the sweetest revenge. Besides, it just so happened to work out that our companions could have an example of both outcomes”

 

“Yeah yeah, it's still a cop out”

 

“You just can't think of a question”

 

“Shh, shh, I got it.... Uhh.... What is the most embarrassing.... Haircut you've ever had”

 

“So tame”

 

“An eye for an eye” Dave shrugs

 

“Well... I suppose I would have to say when I was younger and my hair was quite a startling length. I believe it reached my waist. Or... No. I think you would appreciate my hair from when I turned eleven more. You see, I had already cut it, but I decided to dye the front purple” Rose answers. Dave starts laughing his ass off.

 

“You had emo hair?” Dave asks through his laughter.

 

“Yes, Dave. If you so happen to be a giggling middle schooler, I believe that would be the correct terminology” Rose replies curtly.

 

“Oh come on. I bet your hair brought color into your deep dark life. The purple made you feel understood more than adults ever could” Dave says, slipping into a rhythm.

 

“Moving on before you start rapping at me incessantly.” Rose interjects, spinning the can once more.

 

It lands on you. You are immediately filled with dread. You hate sharing shit with others. You also hate being told what to do. It's a problem you tend to have.

 

“Uh” is your eloquent reply.

 

“Truth or dare, Karkat?” Rose asks with a small smile that was probably meant to be reassuring. Probably.

 

You wish she would stop smiling.

 

“Truth” you blurt out. Dave said it was a cop out anyways. It probably won't be that bad.

 

“Y’all are cowards” Dave says next to you. You punch his shoulder.

 

“I’ll give you a more traditional question, shall I? What are the names of all the people you have kissed?” She asks. So much for not being that bad.

 

“Well that's easy” you try to sound nonchalant “Nobody”

 

Her smile is shaken from her face. She wasn't expecting that. You feel the tiniest bit of satisfaction at being able to stump her. That satisfaction is greatly overshadowed by the way everyone is looking between you and Terezi incredulously. You never really told anyone about your lack of a quadrant with Terezi, but it was painfully obvious that the two of you were flirting for a time so everyone just assumed that you were together at some point. Nothing really happened besides the two of you sending each other hearts. Then she just lost interest you guess.

 

Terezi rolls her eyes “let's think about this, did either of us ever _tell_ you that we were a couple?”

 

There's a silence as it sinks in that, no, that never happened.

 

“It's your turn Karkles” Terezi tells you and you spin the can. It lands on Kanaya.

 

“I would venture to guess that truth would be the safest option, as everyone seems to be choosing it” she says. You decide to shift the attention from your romantic bullshit to someone else's.

 

“What are the names of the people you've kissed?” You ask. You are not going to be the only one out in the open here. Besides, everyone knows about Kanaya’s romantic life.

 

“Oh. Well as you know I have been occupying Rose’s flushed quadrant for quite a time. And I did have- Well. I shared a few completely platonic kisses with Vriska when we were moirails.” She says, blushing a light green.

 

“They were on the cheek don't get all hot and bothered just yet, you freaks” Vriska interjects quickly, the tips of her ears turning blue. Ha. Score.

 

Kanaya spins the can and it lands on Vriska.

 

“Dare!” She chirps, sitting up straight with excitement.

 

“I dare you to.... Recite the poetry that you secretly admire” Kanaya says, smirking a little.

 

Vriska glares at her, but jumps up to stand on the pillow mound above us all and shouts the words to a cheesy hate poem. It described the trolls in question as forces of nature clashing to create a life shattering rivalry. It couldn't get any more ridiculous.

 

All of the trolls are laughing loudly by the time she finishes, slightly blue in the face from the effort of screaming verse at us. She plops down and spins the can. It lands on you and you feel like you're going to throw up.

 

“Truth” you mutter, figuring it couldn't be too bad if she can't ask emotionally scarring questions.

 

“How did you avoid getting culled for so long?” She asks, smiling sweetly at you.

 

Anger wells up inside of you. How dare she ask you that? That fucking privileged highblood. She could go _outside_ and talk to people _in person_. She has no idea what the fuck you sacrificed to still be alive and sitting here looking at her.

 

“No emotionally scarring questions” Terezi says seriously, throwing the can at Vriska’s head. You're seething. Dave looks confused and Rose’s eyes flit back and forth between all the trolls in the room, trying to figure out what is going unsaid. This only makes you more furious. The humans are the only ones who don't know you're a mutant freak. _Dave_ doesn't know you're a freak. They don't know you could've died. They don't know you were supposed to be eliminated for the trash that runs through your veins. She has no right to tell him.

 

“It's not emooooooootional! It would be emotional if I asked him how he feeeeeeeelt. I just asked him how. Besides, it's not upsetting you, right Karkat?” Vriska answers with a shit eating grin on her face, as if challenging you to admit that you're weak. That you're a weak little mutant who can't handle emotional stress. Well fuck her.

 

Kanaya looks as though she's going to rip Vriska’s head off “This is fucking ridiculous, I will not allow you to-”

 

“Dare” you interrupt, staring Vriska down. Her smirk grows wide and down right scary. You're playing right into her hands and you know it. You don't give a fuck.

 

“Karkat, you don't have to-” Terezi starts.

 

“No, I don't. But I'm not fucking scared of her. I took on all that Alternia threw at me I can take on Vriska Serket” you spit, not breaking eye contact with Vriska. You hate her. You hate her. You _hate_ her. _You hate her so fucking much._

 

“Well I guess I can dare you. Since you haven't had your first kiss, which is pathetic if you ask me. I dare you to kiss everyone playing.” She says.

 

That. 

Is not what you were expecting. 

Well if that's how she wants to play it. You grab her by the collar and yank her forward from across the circle and hate kiss the shit out of her. She's wearing waxy blue lipstick. This shouldn't have been your first kiss. You wanted you first kiss to be flushed. 

Well. You guess this is a classic pitch scenario. It's the closest you'll get to a movie moment anyway. You shove her away and sit back down angrily, wiping her stupid lipstick off of your mouth.

 

“Well shit” Rose says.

 

The Mayor peaks out from behind his hands that were covering his eyes during the turmoil. You feel a little guilty.

 

Vriska is still smirking and she blows a kiss to you sarcastically. She looks proud of you. You feel sick. Fuck her.

 

“If you wanted to kiss me you could've just said so Serket” you spit at her.

 

“Aw, would you have done that for me?” She replies, putting her hand over her blood pusher, swooning mockingly.

 

“Not even if you begged” you say, glaring at her.

 

“Well you still have to kiss eeeeeeeeveryone. The dare isn't over yet, Vantas” she reminds you.

 

Whatever self confidence your anger gave you, it's long gone now. You look around the circle, realizing that literally everyone would be awkward as hell to kiss. You shrug and lean over to peck the mayor on the lips. He pulls his hood down to cover his face when you pull away, embarrassed. You glance around again and Terezi giggles.

 

“Come here cherry face” she says. You realize you're blushing and curse your betrayal of a body. You lean over and hesitantly peck Terezi on the lips, her lipstick getting on you as well. She just grins at you and licks your cheek. You curse at her and wipe your cheek of her saliva as you sit back down.

 

You look at Kanaya and she nods silently, leaning forward. You feel your face get hotter as you peck her on the lips and pull back immediately. You know that only Rose and Dave are left, but you like to put off your emotional pain so you lean over to Rose and kiss her quickly, pulling back. Then you turn to Dave.

 

He looks very uncomfortable. You sigh and lean in quickly just to get it over with so he can get that repulsed look off his face. He pushes you away before you can kiss him. You are not hurt. Haha.

 

“I don't swing that way” he says. Haha. Ow.

 

“It's for a dare, Dave. I don't exactly swing that way either” Rose says.

  
“It's fine, really he doesn't have to if he can't bring himself to. I get it.” You say, forcing your voice not to sound hurt. Apparently you suck at that because Dave shoots you a torn look. “It's really fine, Dave” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so happy birthday Dave. You get a huge chapter of suffering. You're welcome. Also I know that Vriska said she wasn't looking for a black or red relationship and I'm not really sure how to feel about Vriska and Karat in a kismesis because I think it would probably end up abusive, but I figured the kiss was situationally appropriate. It won't evolve into anything more than them yelling/ subtly black flirting with each other like it is in cannon.


	20. -End of Act One-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**-END OF ACT ONE-**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND HE ALSO GETS THIS FOR HIS BIRTHDAY GET READY FOR A POINT OF VEIW SWITCH YOU GUYS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
> 
> Edit: I have decided to be Hussie so bear with me


	21. -Intermission-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** -INTERMISSION- **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	22. ===>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing an intermission so I can do little things and update more frequently before I dive into Act 2. So look forward to frequent updates!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened [private] memo on board “...” 

future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] responded to memo at 3:45:23 

current carcinoGeneticist [CCG] responded to memo at 3:35:24 

CCG: HEY. 

FCG: WHY THE FUCK DO I STILL ANSWER THESE. I ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M GOING TO FUCKING SAY. THIS CONVERSATION WILL BE COMPLETELY POINTLESS BY THE WAY, BUT THAT BLESSED KNOWLEDGE I SO GENEROUSLY GAVE YOU WONT STOP YOU FROM MOUTHING YOUR TRAP OFF AND SLAMMING YOUR PHALANGES AGAINST THE KEYBOARD FOR A GOOD TEN MINUTES THAT NEITHER OF US WILL EVER GET BACK. 

FCG: THAT'S A COLLECTIVE TWENTY MINUTES BY THE WAY SINCE YOU HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THIS SHIT TWICE. 

CCG: I KNOW I KNOW. 

CCG: IT'S JUST. 

FCG: NOBODY WILL FUCKING HANG OUT WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A PATHETIC SACK OF SHIT THAT LOOKS TO YOURSELF FROM LITERALLY TEN MINUTES INTO THE FUTURE FOR ADVICE AND COMPANY EVEN THOUGH I HATE YOU AND I AM NO WISER THAN YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, UNLESS BEING ALREADY FED UP WITH THIS TRAINWRECK COUNTS AS WISDOM? 

FCG: NOTICED. 

CCG: WELL ITS NOT AS IF I HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO. 

CCG: I HAVE JACK FUCKING SHIT TO DO. 

CCG: THERE IS NO SHIT. 

CCG: MY LIFE IS CURRENTLY CONSTIPATED. 

CCG: AS IS YOURS. 

CCG: NOW STOP PRETENDING THAT THIS PAINS YOU SO MUCH BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO WITH YOUR TIME AND I KNOW THAT. 

CCG: I AM YOU. 

CCG: YOU CAN'T FOOL ME WITH FACADES THAT I’M GOING TO FUCKING USE IN FIVE MINUTES. 

FCG: YOU KNOW WHAT I KNEW WOULD HAPPEN? 

FCG: YOU SAYING THAT. 

FCG: YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SO COMPLETELY UNINTERESTED IN? 

FCG: THIS CONVERSATION. 

FCG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TALK TO SOMEONE? 

CCG: I CAN'T. 

FCG: BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO BE AROUND YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE AWFUL? 

FCG: OR THEY'RE OCCUPIED WITH BETTER THINGS AND PEOPLE THAN YOU? 

FCG: WELL SHIT. 

FCG: I KNEW THAT TOO. 

CCG: STOP DOING THAT! 

FCG: WHY? SO YOU CAN WHINE AND WHINE ABOUT IT? 

CCG: YES! 

FCG: WELL FUCK THAT. 

FCG: WHY DON'T YOU GO TALK TO A VERSION OF YOU THAT ACTUALLY KNOWS MORE THAN YOU DO? 

FCG: WHICH IS THE CONCLUSION YOU PROBABLY JUST CAME TO! 

future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] ceased responding to memo 

CCG: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

current carcinoGeneticist [CCG] ceased responding to memo 


	23. ====>

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened [private] memo on board “...2” 

current carcinoGeneticist [CCG] responded to memo at 3:57:56 

future a month from now carcinoGeneticist [FCG] responded to memo at 5:04:13 

CCG: ALRIGHT I’LL CUT TO THE CHASE. 

CCG: YOU PROBABLY KNOW WHAT THIS MEMO IS ABOUT BECAUSE YOU REMEMBER TYPING THE EXACT WORDS I’M TYPING, BUT IN CASE YOU NEED A REMINDER: I’M A LONELY FESTERING PILE OF DISCHARGE AND VOMIT. 

CCG: DID YOU SOLVE THIS PROBLEM YET OR SHOULD I BOTHER A SLIGHTLY LESS SAD AND ALONE VERSION OF ME? 

FCG: WELL OBVIOUSLY I SOLVED THE PROBLEM AT THE SAME TIME YOU SOLVED IT WHICH WOULD BE RIGHT AFTER THIS STUPID TIME LOOP WHICH YOU HAVE TO FULFIL IN ORDER TO MAKE ANY FRIENDS WHICH IS NOT ONLY VERY TELLING ABOUT OUR PERSONALITY, BUT ALSO VERY FUCKING EXHAUSTING TO KEEP UP WITH ALL THE SHAME GLOBE FONDLING PAST MES WITH TOO MUCH GODDAMN TIME ON THEIR HANDS. 

CCG: JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU DID. 

FCG: TALK TO DAVE. 

CCG: DAVE? 

FCG: YES. DAVE. 

CCG: WHEN THE FUCK DID HE BECOME “DAVE” AND NOT “STRIDER”? 

FCG: TALK. TO. DAVE. 

CCG: WHY DAVE? DAVE IS A POMPOUS LOW LIFE WITH HIPSTER SHADES AND AN ALOOF PERSONA WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND HE FUCKING TREATS ME LIKE A PUNCHLINE TO ALL HIS CONVOLUTED METAPHORS. 

FCG: KARKAT. 

CCG: NO. 

FCG: TALK. 

CCG: NO. 

FCG: TO. 

CCG: NO! 

FCG: DAVE. 

CCG: NO!!! 

FCG: THEN STAY IN YOUR ROOM AND KEEP FLINCHING AT EVERY HONK YOU HEAR THROUGH THE VENTS WITH NO ONE TO TALK TO WHILE VRISKA RELENTLESSLY MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT AND HAVE NO FUCKING OUTLET FOR THE FEELINGS YOU KEEP DENYING EXIST!!!!!! 

CCG: WHAT FEELINGS? 

FCG: THE FEELING OF BEING A HOPELESS ROMANTIC WITH NO FUCKING FRIENDS ON A DEATH ROCK HEADING TOWARDS YOUR INEVITABLE DOOM. 

FCG: NOW GO FUCKING TALK TO DAVE. 

future carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased responding to memo 

current carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased responding to memo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE


	24. =====>

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

CG: HI. 

TG: ... sup 

CG: SUP. 

TG: yes sup 

TG: patented human form of greeting free of charge 

TG: limited edition cool kid style 

TG: collect em all 

TG: you could have the flighty broad snarky horseshit greeting if you find the hidden easter egg 

TG: hint: the easter egg is roses chumhandle 

CG: LOOK COULD YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT SHIT I DON'T UNDERSTAND FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS? 

CG: THANK YOU. 

CG: YOU AND YOUR INTRICATE POP CULTURE REFERENCES CAN EAT A PLETHORA OF NOOKS WHILE FUCKING THEMSELVES INTO RESPECTIVE OBLIVIONS. 

CG: I'M SURE THE VOID HAS PLENTY OF ROOM FOR ALL THAT OBLIVION. 

TG: nah man 

TG: the void aint got nothing on my ability to fuck something into oblivion 

TG: i mean how are you gonna find an oblivion big enough for my dick 

TG: thats a monumental task right there 

TG: it would probably take up the entire void 

TG: the head would be sticking into the furthest ring for the dark gods to admire and whisper to rose about 

TG: maybe then she would shut up about her mind voodoo therapy shtick 

TG: nah she would probably like 

TG: write a thesis about freud and how ive singlehandedly made his erection dreams come true or some shit like that 

CG: WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU? 

TG: i dunno man you bothered me first 

CG: FUTURE ME ASKED ME TO TALK TO YOU. 

CG: HE IMPLIED THAT IT WAS IMPORTANT. 

CG: SO I DID. 

CG: I HAVE BEEN HAZED. 

CG: BY MYSELF. 

TG: oh shit really 

TG: this has to be some sorta prophesy thing 

TG: we are obviously meant to perform the human tradition of memeing 

TG: do you know how to meme karkat 

CG: I WOULD ASK HOW, BUT I HAVE A STRONG FEELING THAT I WOULD DEEPLY REGRET IT. 

TG: gun 

CG: WHAT THE FUCK? 

TG: Just Once Neglectful Can Engulf Networking Aspirations karkat 

CG: WHAT? YOU'RE MAKING MUCH LESS SENSE THAN USUAL. AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU NEVER MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE. 

TG: yeah youre right that last one was a stretch 

CG: THIS WAS A WASTE OF TIME. I'M GOING TO SIT IN MY BLOCK AND RETHINK ALL OF MY LIFE CHOICES THAT LED ME TO THIS PARTICULAR DISAPPOINTING LAPSE IN JUDGMENT. 

TG: have fun dude 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIPLE UPDATE
> 
> WHO IS ON A ROLL????
> 
> ME!!!!!!
> 
> WHO IS LUCKY TO GET THIS MANY UPDATES IN A ROW???
> 
> YOU!!!!!!
> 
> YOURE WELCOME


	25. ======>

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened [private] memo on board “...3” 

current carcinoGeneticist [CCG] responded to memo at 4:38:12 

future a month from now carcinoGeneticist [FCG] responded to memo at 6:04:13 

CCG: OKAY THAT THE ACTUAL NOOK CHAFING FUCK HAS YOUR BULGE SO TWISTED IN A KNOT THAT WHEN I GO TO YOU FOR HONEST HELP YOU FEEL THE NEED TO FUCKING TURN THE TABLES ON ME AND PRANK ME GIGGLING LIKE A WRIGGLER ON SOPOR SLIME? 

FCG: I'M GOING TO STOP YOU RIGHT THERE BEFORE YOU GO OFF ON A TANGENT ABOUT HOW HORRIBLE AND ANNOYING DAVE IS. 

FCG: AND HE IS HORRIBLE AND ANNOYING 

FCG: SHFIDMSGAOSKDUDBWVNQISKWBSJAJSBWJJSKSNS 

FCG: BUT!!! 

FCG: THERE WAS A BUT. 

FCG: HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND. 

CCG: DID YOUR PUMP BISCUIT JUST CONVULSE? 

FCG: NO BUT I HAVE SAID ANNOYING ASSHOLE READING OVER MY SHOULDER. 

FCG: token annoying asshole friend present 

FCG: please hold in your applause it makes karkat uneofjenehdkffjjDJDIDNDJFKFJDYSJ 

FCG: DONT TOUCH MY HUSKTOP! 

FCG: dude why did you even type that 

FCG: WHY DID YOU TYPE THAT? 

CCG: HA FUCKING HA. 

CCG: THIS IS SO FUNNY. 

CCG: I DIDN'T THINK I WAS CAPABLE OF GOING THIS FAR TO PLAY A TRICK ON MYSELF. 

CCG: KUDOS FOR THE COMMITMENT. 

FCG: OH MY GOD IT'S NOT A “TRICK” YOU DUMBASS. 

FCG: UGH. 

FCG: JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT YOU'VE JUST BROUGHT UPON YOURSELF. 

future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] is now future turntechGodhead [FTG] 

FTG: aw yeah front and center 

FTG: hi past karkat 

FTG: youre just as stubborn as regular karkat 

FTG: aidieneheinzysakdkhsje 

FTG: okay okay im sorry for embarrassing you in front of your arch nemesis 

FTG: which is really yourself from the past so it doesnt fucking matter 

FTG: you already knew I was going to say that 

FTG: oh shit wait 

FTG: you know everything im going to say 

FTG: monkey dick 

FTG: haha okay youre faceplaming now so im pretty sure you knew i was gonna say that too 

CCG: I SHOULD JUST THROW MYSELF INTO THE VOID NOW BEFORE THIS BECOMES THE ALPHA TIMELINE. 

FTG: PLEASE DO IT WOULD MAKE US ALL DIFIDJDJIDKSWHSJFJEBWJKhaajidnashkdjwgs 

FTG: you had your turn 

FTG: now its mine 

FTG: look karkat 

FTG: i know that right now youre all alone and secluded and probably contemplating growing your bangs out to cover your face and show your dark soul or someshit 

FTG: but dont 

FTG: go talk to me 

FTG: yeah im a huge dick but arent we all 

FTG: plus you get to be friends with the mayor and that shit is off the charts worth it 

FTG: do it for the mayor karkat 

CCG: YOU MEAN THE CARAPACE? 

FTG: dude trust me youll love him 

FTG: and ill distract vriska so you can talk to tz a little 

FTG: deal? 

CCG: ... 

CCG: FINE. 

FTG: HA HA FUCK YES WE SHOWED YOU WHO'S BOSS. YOU THINK YOU CAN OUT STUBBORN ME? I AM THE SOSHFNSHDHDBDNDNSSjajddjsnsjdjshskskanajsk 

FTG: have fun kitkat 

future turntechGodhead [FTG] ceased responding to memo 

current carcinoGeneticist [CCG] ceased responding to memo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me go popping out pester logs a dime a dozen


	26. =======>

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

TG: karkat 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum! 

TG: karkat 

TG: kitkat 

TG: karcrab 

TG: starkat 

TG: karkatana 

TG: karkatastrophe 

TG: shouts 

TG: shoutymcnubs 

TG: karnubs 

TG: why you gotta be so far-kat 

TG: okay that was a stretch 

TG: i was getting good there though 

TG: i should start charging for this shit 

TG: ... 

TG: karkat 

TG: come on 

CG: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? 

TG: there he is 

CG: DID YOU REALLY SPEND ALL OF FIVE MINUTES CREATING HORRENDOUSLY FUCKING AWFUL NICKNAMES TO SPAM ME WITH? 

TG: yes 

TG: if by horrendously fucking awful you mean brilliant pieces of comic genius 

TG: anyways 

TG: the reason i gave you that gift of red text up there is because I forgot to tell you something 

CG: AND WHAT COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE? 

TG: ball is life 

CG: UGH 

TG: mmmm watcha saaaaaay 

TG: awwwwww that you only meant weeeeeeeeeeeeeell 

TG: well of course you diiiiiid 

CG: STOP! 

CG: CAN WE JUST... 

CG: CAN WE NOT HUMAN “MEME” FOR THE SACRED FUCKING SLOBBER OF THE HORROR TERRORS OR WHATEVER THE FUCK ANYONE STILL PRAYS TO. 

TG: you make an interesting proposal 

TG: here is my rebuttal 

TG: nah 

CG: LOOK, STRIDER. 

CG: APPARENTLY WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BEST FUCKING PALS WITHIN A MONTH'S TIME. 

CG: BUT YOU'RE REALLY FUCKING TRYING MY PATIENCE HERE AND I'M TRYING VERY FUCKING HARD TO BE OPEN MINDED ABOUT THIS SHIT. 

TG: why do you keep saying that 

TG: did you talk to some mystical horse beast in the dream bubbles or some shit 

TG: did this horse happen to have a crystal ball 

TG: did the crystal ball in question enable him to see the future 

CG: NO. 

CG: I TALKED TO MY FUTURE SELF. 

CG: AND HE PROVED TO ME THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BUDDY UP WITH YOU FOR WHATEVER FUCKING REASON. 

TG: yeah okay sure 

TG: i think i might be wanting to talk with this “future self” just to make sure you dont secretly enjoy memeing 

CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF POINTLESS FUCKERY YOU HAVE UNLEASHED. 

TG: bring it on 

CG: FTHBVFUJBGHBVFHBCYUHG 

TG: dude are you still alive 

CG: THAT WAS ME BANGING MY HEAD INTO THE KEYBOARD. 

CG: PREEMPTIVELY. 

CG: JUST. 

CG: JOIN THE MEMO I'M ABOUT TO OPEN. 

CG: THE NAME WILL BE “...4” 

CG: I WOULD HOPE THAT SOMETHING FALLS FROM THE CEILING AND KILLS ME BUT I KNOW THAT IT WONT FUCKING HAPPEN BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE ALIVE AND SUFFERING MY IDIOT PAST SELF IN A MONTH. 

TG: isnt that you now though 

CG: SHUT. UP. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appologize for the coming pointless bullshit :)


	27. ========>

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo on board “...4” 

current carcinoGeneticist [CCG] responded to memo at 4:57:08 

current turntechGodhead [CTG] responded to memo at 4:57:49 

CTG: alright so 

CTG: what the fuck am I supposed to be doing here 

CCG: JUST YOU WAIT. 

future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] responded to memo at 6:57:12 

FCG: YOU. 

FCG: FUCKING. 

FCG: DUMBASSES. 

FCG: JUST FUCKING HANG OUT A LITTLE! 

FCG: BE FRIENDS. 

FCG: IT'S REALLY NOT FUCKING BLAST MACHINE SCIENCE. 

future turntechGodhead [FTG] responded to memo at 6:59:01 

FTG: so this is why you asked me to go get my “husktop” 

FTG: by the way past dave 

FTG: alien words are fucking hilarious 

FTG: 10/10 would recommend 

CTG: holy shit you werent kidding 

CTG: theres no way you could fake this shit 

CTG: wait 

CTG: tell me a meme that i havent mentioned 

FTG: fucking pepe man 

FTG: what she says what she means 

FTG: signs memes 

FTG: seriously that one 

FTG: how could you pass up the signs as memes 

FTG: they literally are the the signs 

CTG: yeah im convinced 

CTG: karkat we are doomed to be buddies 

CCG: THIS IS SO FUCKING MORONIC. 

CCG: I AM ACTUALLY VERY FUCKING SORRY FOR SUBJECTING FUTURE ME TO THIS TORMENT WHICH I WILL EVENTUALLY HAVE TO DEAL WITH. 

CCG: NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. 

FCG: THANK YOU! 

FCG: NICE TO SEE WE FUCKING AGREE ON SOMETHING. 

CCG: JUST SO YOU KNOW. 

CCG: WHICH YOU ALREADY PROBABLY DO. 

CCG: THIS WAS STRIDER’S IDEA. 

FTG: aw man i forgot when you used to call me strider constantly 

CTG: that stops? 

FTG: hell yeah 

FTG: me and karkles are tight as shit 

FTG: bro fists all over the god damn place 

FTG: not to mention how karkat is basically like 

FTG: the mayors baby momma 

CTG: holy shit seriously? 

CTG: thats fucking priceless 

CTG: and karkles 

CTG: gotta use that one 

CCG: OH FUCK NO. 

CCG: STOP GIVING EACH OTHER IDEAS! 

CCG: YOU'RE ENCOURAGING FUTURE IDIOCY FROM YOURSELF! 

FTG: yeah but 

FTG: if i dont call you karkles we are literally all gonna die 

FTG: doomed timelines and all 

FTG: earth to my karkat 

FTG: does huston have a problem? 

FTG: everything all right up there 

FCG: I'M SORRY I WAS JUST STARING AT THE SCREEN IN DISBELIEF THAT THIS BULLSHIT HAD TO HAPPEN FOR US TO CONTINUE ON THE RIGHT PATH. 

FCG: IN FACT, IF I WASN'T SAYING THE SHIT THAT I'M SAYING RIGHT FUCKING NOW WE WOULD ALL DIE. 

FCG: FUCK THIS GAME. 

FCG: FUCK SKAIA 

FCG: AND FUCK PARADOX SPACE ESPECIALLY. 

CCG: WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT? 

CCG: ANOTHER THING WE AGREE ON. 

CTG: alright this is getting a little too weird 

CTG: but i gotta get karkat into cantown like asap 

CTG: karkat meet me in cantown right now 

CTG: or were all gonna die 

CTG: right future dave? 

FTG: yep pretty much 

CCG: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

current carcinoGeneticist [CCG] ceased responding to memo 

FCG: I HATE YOU ALL. 

FTG: me thinks the lady doth protest too much 

FCG: ME THINKS THE DOUCHE BAG DOTH BE INSUFFERABLE CONSTANTLY. 

CTG: i am so looking forward to this 

future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] ceased responding to memo 

current turntechGodhead [CTG] ceased responding to memo 

future turntechGodhead [FTG] ceased responding to memo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE
> 
> YOURE WELCOME WHOEVER STILL ACTUALLY READS THIS SHIT


	28. =========>

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

CG: HEY KANAYA. 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is an idle chum! 

CG: I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I’VE BEEN SPENDING LOTS OF TIME WITH DAVE LATELY. 

CG: AND IF YOU EVER WANTED TO FIND ME I’M PROBABLY IN CANTOWN. 

CG: SO 

CG: YEAH. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

GA: Karkat? 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum! 

GA: I Am Sorry That I Have Not Been Able To See You Recently 

GA: I Will Not Make Excuses For Myself 

GA: I Do 

GA: Well Rather I 

GA: I Miss Your Company Quite A Lot 

GA: Perhaps We Could Arrange To All Meet Up In Cantown? 

GA: Well 

GA: I Know That Having Vriska Present May Be A Predicament 

GA: And Terezi Will Not Likely Go Anywhere Without Her 

GA: Might I Suggest Bringing Rose Along To Cantown So That The Humans May Partake In Some “Sibling Bonding” As I Believe It Is Called Whilst We Catch Up? 

GA: ... 

GA: I Will Try To Be Available When You Can Respond 

GA: I Am Now Going Away From My Husktop 

GA: I Hope You Are Doing Well 

GA: Goodbye Karkat 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

CG: WAIT KANAYA! 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is an idle chum! 

CG: FUCK. 

CG: OKAY WELL. 

CG: THAT SOUNDS REALLY NICE ACTUALLY. 

CG: I UM. 

CG: I MIGHT ACTUALLY UH. 

CG: MISS YOU. 

CG: A LITTLE. 

CG: SO. 

CG: SHIT OKAY NOW I’M JUST SOUNDING PATHETIC. 

CG: WHATEVER. 

CG: GET BACK TO ME, OKAY? 

CG: I’LL MAKE SURE TO BE BY MY HUSKTOP ALL TOMORROW. 

CG: I ALSO FUCKING HOPE TO WHATEVER THE FUCK THERE IS TO HOPE TO ANYMORE THAT YOU ARE DOING FUCKING SPECTACULAR. 

CG: BYE KANAYA. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning on getting at least one more log out today... Thanks for reading this fan fic that undoubtedly is going to run way too long.
> 
> It means a lot to see people stick with it.


	29. ==========>

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

GA: Are You Online? 

CG: YES! 

GA: Excellent! 

CG: KANAYA... 

CG: I’M... 

CG: I’M A PIECE OF SHIT FOR JUST... 

GA: I Am Likewise For Not Attempting To Contact You Earlier 

CG: THANKS. 

GA: Apologies Are Always Much Too Awkward For My Tastes 

CG: FUCK YES I GET THAT. SO... WE’RE GOOD? 

GA: I Do Believe So 

GA: Unless You Have Any Unaired Grievances? 

CG: NO. NOT AT ALL. YOU? 

GA: None 

CG: WELL NOW THAT WE’VE GOT THAT SHIT OUT OF THE WAY. 

CG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHEN YOU AND ROSE WOULD WANT TO STOP BY CANTOWN? 

CG: I TOLD DAVE ABOUT IT AND HE THINKS IT'S A GREAT IDEA. 

GA: Well I Do Not Think We Had Anything Planned For Tonight If That Is Alright With You 

CG: WE’RE BASICALLY IN CANTOWN EVERYDAY ANYWAYS SO I’M SURE IT'LL BE FINE. 

GA: Let Me Just Contact Rose 

GA: It Will Take But A Moment 

CG: YEAH GO AHEAD. 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is an idle chum! 

GA: She Agrees That It Would Be Nice To Catch Up With Her Brother 

CG: GREAT. 

CG: SO I’LL SEE YOU THERE? 

GA: Yes 

GA: Would It Be Too Invasive If I Wanted To Meet You There In Merely A Few Minutes? 

CG: KANAYA THERE IS NOTHING I WOULD BE LESS ANNOYED AT THAN YOU INVADING ON MY TIME. 

CG: INVADE THE FUCK AWAY. 

GA: Thank You Karkat 

GA: See You In A Few 

CG: SEE YOU. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update as expected. You might get a triple update if you're lucky.


	30. ===========>

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

GC: OH FOR FUCKS S4K3 K4RK4T! 

CG: I KNOW I JUST HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU IN A WHILE. 

CG: IT'S KIND OF REALLY FUCKING AWKWARD FOR ME. 

GC: 4ND SP4MM1NG M3 1S L3SS 4WKW4RD?? 

CG: SO MAYBE IT WASN'T THOUGHT OUT VERY WELL. 

GC: YOU TH1NK?! 

GC: K4RK4T JUST... 

GC: WH4T DO YOU W4NT 

CG: I WANTED TO SEE YOU MAYBE? 

CG: THE MAYOR REALLY MISSES YOU AND I CANT FUCKING ALLOW HIM TO WALK AROUND CANTOWN LOOKING SO DOWN IN THE DUMPS. 

CG: THINK OF THE IMPACT ON HIS CITIZENS. 

CG: THEY NEED A STRONG LEADER. 

GC: 4R3N’T YOU SUPPOS3D TO B3 OUR STRONG L34D3R 

CG: I'M SORRY, WASN'T THAT VRISKA’S JOB? 

CG: WHAT ARE YOU THESE DAYS, HER SECOND IN COMMAND? 

CG: I'M SURE YOU TWO ELITIST FUCKHEADS HAVE GOT EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL. 

CG: NO NEED FOR MY USELESS BULLSHIT ANYMORE RIGHT? 

CG: NO, NO, KARKAT, WE DON'T NEED YOUR OPINION. YOU JUST STAND THERE AND BE ANGRY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. 

CG: WE'VE GOT IT FROM HERE. 

GC: 1F YOU FUCK1NG D1SP1S3 3V3RYTH1NG TH4T W3 4R3 TRY1NG TO DO FOR YOUR UNGR4T3FUL S3LF TH3N WHY TH3 FUCK DO YOU W4NT M3 AROUND SO B4DLY?!?!?! 

CG: BECAUSE THE MAYOR ISN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO MISSES YOU!!!!! 

GC: ... 

GC: OH? 

CG: YEAH. 

CG: DAVE ALSO MISSES YOU. 

GC: YOU’R3 UNB3L13V34BL3 

CG: SO YOU'LL COME? 

GC: Y3S K4RK4T, 1 GU3SS 1 C4N M4K3 4N 4PP34R4NC3 1F C3RT41N P4RT13S 4PP4R3NTLY M1SS M3 SO T3RR1BLY 

CG: YEAH WELL. 

CG: GOOD. 

GC: GR34T 

CG: SEE YOU THERE THEN. 

CG: JUST SHOW UP WHENEVER. 

GC: 4LR1GHT 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go people another painful update where karkat doesn't know how to deal with his emotions!  
> Enjoy!!!


	31. ============>

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

AG: Heyyyyyyyy there cra88y pants. 

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT VRISKA? 

CG: I HAPPEN TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING FAR MORE FUCKING IMPORTANT THAN TALKING TO YOU. 

CG: OH NO WAIT. 

CG: ANYTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR FALLACIOUS DRIVEL. 

AG: Important? You mean like 8eing a wittle tiny gru8lord and throwing a fucking tantrum? 

AG: Sorry to interrupt your sulking oh gr8 and powerful piss8a8y. 

CG: GET. TO. THE. POINT. 

CG: BEFORE EVERYONE ON THIS METEOR DIES OUT OF THE PURE AGONY OF THE THOUGHT OF THIS POINTLESS BANTER GOING ON ANY LONGER THAN IT HAS TO. 

AG: Fiiiiiiiine. 

AG: Terezi is worried a8out your sorry ass. 

AG: Try not to 8e such a weakling next time. 

AG: And tell her that you're fine. It really gets on my nerves when little maggots like you upset my moirail so much. 8ut what can I say? She's got a huge 8loodpusher. 

CG: YOU CAN TELL HER THAT I'M PERFECTLY FUCKING FINE. 

CG: I HAD SOME THINGS TO ATTEND TO. 

CG: WHICH I WOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW IF YOU HADN'T FUCKING INTERRUPTED ME! 

AG: Alriiiiiiiight Karkat. 

AG: Have a very productive mope!!!!!!!! 

CG: OH, FUCK OFF. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY MERRY WHATEVER IT IS!!!!  
> Here is your present! 
> 
> You might get one more since my brother is watching Jurassic World for the second time this week.


	32. =============>

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

TG: hey man 

TG: you missed mario cart 

TG: or kart 

TG: however the fuck thats spelled 

TG: you havent missed a single mario day since we started 

TG: and thats like 

TG: five 

TG: idk 

TG: what gives kartkat 

TG: can i even call you that anymore 

TG: oh the betrayal 

CG: WOW IF YOU WOULD STOP TYPING FOR TWO FUCKING SECONDS I COULD ACTUALLY RESPOND AND YOU COULD STOP BEING SO “HURT.” 

CG: NO ONE LIKES A DRAMA QUEEN, STRIDER. 

TG: aw man have i been demoted back to “STRIDER” 

TG: careful or i might just call you vantass 

CG: DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR DEMOTION YOU'RE ALREADY AT THE BOTTOM RUNG. 

CG: YOU'LL NEVER FUCKING MAKE IT TO FRIEND GOD TIER AT THIS RATE. 

CG: YOU WILL HAVE TO JOIN THE GUILD OF CAPELESS ASSHOLES. 

CG: I AM THEIR LEADER. 

TG: harsh 

TG: i may never recover from this pain 

CG: YEAH YEAH. 

CG: SORRY ABOUT MARIO KART. 

CG: I SLEPT IN TOO LATE. 

TG: you slept 

CG: YEAH. 

TG: thats good 

TG: i uh 

TG: wont bother you then 

TG: get back to sleeping 

CG: NO NO WAIT. 

CG: ... 

CG: YEAH OKAY I STILL DON'T SLEEP. 

CG: I WAS BEING PATHETIC AND STUPID AGAIN. 

CG: I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. 

TG: you dont have to if you dont want 

TG: i mean im not gonna force you or anything 

TG: i can just play a few more rounds solo 

CG: DAVE, SHUT UP. 

CG: I WANT TO. 

CG: AND I'LL FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS. 

TG: oh hell fucking no 

TG: yours is the ass that is going to get kicked 

TG: my foot will lodge itself so far up there that were gonna have to walk around as one 

TG: half coolkid half romance dork 

TG: together we are the ultimate ladies man 

TG: you see my cool will cancel out your dork 

TG: then with our collective knowledge of romance and coolness 

TG: we will sweep every remaining babe off her god damn feet 

TG: except we dont want none of these meteor ladies 

TG: well be heartbreakers 

TG: oh shit youre already knocking on the door 

TG: how dare you not read my glorious wall of red text 

TG: w/e youll probably read it when you go back to your place 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE 
> 
> YOU GET TWO PRESENTS WHAT NOW


	33. ==============>

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] 

CG: 

CG: 

CG: 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] 

TC: CANT A MOTHER FUCKER MAKE UP HIS ROTTED PAN 

TC: i see you brother 

TC: AND I DONT LIKE WHAT I SEE 

TC: alls the mother fucking indecision 

TC: NOT MAKING OUT WHAT YOU WAS MADE TO DO ALL ALONG 

TC: you were made to be silenced my brother 

TC: BUT HERE YOU THINKING YOU CAN KEEP ON MOTHER FUCKING BUZZING IN MY PAN 

TC: i want you out 

TC: I WANT YOU OUT 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait for the short chapter but I didn't really know if my Gamzee was right? And honestly I didn't know if I wanted to do this. Contructive criticism and opinions on characterization are always welcome especially for this one guys.


	34. -Act Two-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** -ACT TWO- **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	35. -Dave-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** -DAVE- **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is going to be the next year on the meteor through the eyes of our resident strider. ENJOY! And please do give me tips on characterization.


	36. He's Behind You

Your name is Dave Strider and you totally kissed your best guy friend. 

You feel like shit. 

You by no means wanted to kiss Karkat. You wanted to preserve your dignity and not play truth or dare at all because you fucking knew this was going to happen. But if Bro taught you anything, it was that backing down from a challenge is not something Striders do. He also implied that kissing your best guy friend was also something Striders don't do. You figured that if it was a dare it wasn't gay right? 

Right. 

Besides you don't feel that way about him anyways. You just couldn't stand that defeated and embarrassed look on his face when you pushed him away. So you kissed him to put him out of his social misery. You were looking out for him. That's all. 

Even so, when your lips touched for that single second you felt a jolt down your spine and you immediately recoiled because what the fuck? That was a weird ass feeling and you hated it and you still hate it and you can still feel his lips on yours even though you scrubbed them for twenty minutes in the bathroom after everyone dispersed. 

You've been on edge ever since. You keep glancing over your shoulder and getting ready to grab your sword from your strife specibus whenever you turn a corner or pass by any sort of hiding spot. You know it's stupid because Bro is dead, he doesn't have the capability of being pissed at you anymore. The thing is though, this meteor passes through those stupid fucking dream bubbles and it's already gone to a dream version of your apartment. And he’ll know. He always knows. And you'll get your ass kicked. End of story. 

When you wake up the next morning you immediately arm yourself and check the closet. It's empty. Just a couple of alchemized shirts and the pajamas Kanaya made you hanging there. You frown and close the door again, leaving the room without a weapon in your hand so you don't get attacked with questions from both Karkat and Rose. 

Karkat has decided to be elusive for most of the day, which you spend in your room with the door closed and a chair propped up against it. You know from experience that it won't stop Bro, but it'll slow him down. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

CG: HEY. 

TG: hey 

CG: DO YOU WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE? 

TG: you make a compelling offer 

CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT? 

CG: WHENEVER YOU START TALKING LIKE THAT I KNOW YOU FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. 

TG: i choose the movie 

CG: NO FUCKING WAY. 

TG: yes way 

TG: hell fucking yes way 

TG: im sorry dude im not sitting through another shitty romcom 

CG: ... 

CG: OKAY FIRST OF ALL 

CG: FUCK YOU THEY ARE NOT SHITTY, THEY ARE CINEMATIC MASTERPIECES AND YOU'RE TOO FUCKING DENSE TO ACTUALLY APPRECIATE THEM FOR ALL OF THEIR SOCIAL COMMENTARY AND CULTURAL IMPORTANCE. 

TG: yeah yeah okay 

TG: moving on before you lecture me about the importance of romance tropes and shallow characters and over all flowery cliche bullshit 

TG: by now i could write a goddamn book about tropes 

TG: or a fucking series 

TG: i could do a study into the psychological need of a troll for cheesy ass plots riddled with holes 

CG: YOU JUST CAN’T RECOGNIZE ART. 

CG: SECOND 

CG: ... WHAT MOVIES WOULD YOU PROPOSE? 

TG: okay so i had been alchemizing shit before the slumber party of doom 

CG: OH GOD NO. 

TG: i think you mean 

TG: oh god yes 

TG: ill be right over 

CG: FUUUUUUUUUCK. 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

You hesitate, pushing your laptop off of you and onto the bed. You know you have to go hang with Karkat or else you're avoiding him and there's nothing to avoid him about because if you avoid him then what went down was actually of importance to you and it wasn't. So you're going to hang with your best bro like it's totally no big deal. Because it isn't. Yeah. 

You attempt to mentally prepare yourself for a night of social interaction as you drag your ass out of bed and out the door. After moving the chair of course. 

You spend the majority of movie night kicking yourself internally for conflicting reasons. You hate that the two of you sit on opposite ends of the couch, but even moving your leg towards the inside of the couch makes you want to throw up because you can _feel_ him behind you. You force yourself not to check behind you at all during the movie. He's dead. He's not behind you. He's not watching you all the time like he used to. 

The thing you noticed about Karkat that has been especially obvious recently is that he fucking sucks at hiding when he's uncomfortable. He's curled up against his arm of the couch the entire time to give you as much space as possible. It makes you sick. You want to be closer to him. He's your best friend damn it. This is fucking ridiculous. 

But he's watching you. 

You wish he would just go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please tell me how I'm doing with Dave, because he's challenging. Thanks guys! 
> 
> So yeah this is the first chapter of the second part of my swill. Enjoy.
> 
> EDIT: for anyone who happens to catch this, I was afraid that the beginning was a little too vague on how the kiss actually went down so I tweaked it the slightest bit just to bring further clarity to the situation. It's not really anything major though, so I wouldn't worry about missing anything.


	37. The Bringer of Doritos

You're lying on your bed trying to get some sleep even though you've already slept through most of the day. You've been sleeping a lot lately and having the occasional movie night with Karkat that all go just about the same as the first one post kiss. 

Sleeping isn't much better than being awake though. You either have nightmares or get stuck in a dream bubble. The bubbles are usually LOHAC, but sometimes when the forces at work are feeling particularly interested in torturing you, they're of your apartment. 

There are a few blissful hours from time to time where you don't dream. Those are few and far between. It's been awhile since the last time you just slept like you were dead so you're hoping now might be one of those times. The rest of your day sure as hell wasn't. 

The chair on your door hasn't moved and your sword perches on your nightstand. Just because you sleep a lot doesn't mean you're not always prepared. That's another thing Bro taught you. The enemy doesn't rest. 

You nearly jump out of your skin when someone knocks on your door. You lunge for the sword and hop to your feet. 

“Dave? Are you sleeping again?” Karkat asks from behind the door. You can breathe again. 

With your sword captchalogued you pull away the chair and answer the door. 

“What's up, asshole?” You ask, forcing a half smile onto your face. You think that greeting was platonic enough right? See. Nothing going on here. Except you being a dick and playfully insulting him right out of the gate when you've obviously hit a rough patch in your broship. Nice going, Dave. Really managed to not fuck up there. Bestest friend of the year. It is you. You win. All the money. All the fame. All the glory. 

“I brought snacks that Rose alchemized. She said you liked these.” He says, catching a bag that falls out of his sylladex. It's a tell tale bright red with your old friend of msg and fake ass cheese powder displayed proudly at the front. 

“Oh shit, she figured out how to make Doritos? Tell her she's a beautiful miracle worker and that I'm never leaving the alchemiter.” You take the bag from his hands and try desperately not to notice how his fingers brushed yours and how much you missed hanging out like you used to even though touching his hands should not make you think of that what the fuck? 

“Yeah well...” He pauses, standing awkwardly in the doorway before taking a deep breath and shoving you aside. He walks into your room and sits on the bed, leaning against the wall and kicking his shoes off. “We are going to eat them together. You are going to share with me your unnaturally colored shitty alien food and then we can finish that mix or something.” 

His chest is puffed up and his arms are crossed. He's fixed you with this defiant glare that is just begging you to challenge him so he can smack you right the fuck down for being a complete prick. 

You decide that this time it would be better not to take the opportunity to piss him off. 

You plop down next to him, close enough to make alarms go off in your head and make you want the chair back on the door, but far enough away so that you weren't touching. You open the bag and offer him a chip, which he takes gingerly, looking unsure as to whether being a stubborn ass about hanging out with you was worth eating it. 

Your shit eating grin comes back to you with ease as you watch his emotions splay across his face. He's always so expressive and at times it can be fucking hilarious. Like now, as you watch his face clearly change from mild disgust to doubt to stubborn determination. He eats the whole chip in one bite, apparently deciding it was better to get it over with. Then his face lifts with the surprise and bliss that is one's first Dorito. But it's only a second before he tries to mask his obvious enthusiasm with nonchalance. 

“They're not bad for Earth food” he mumbles, taking another. You laugh at him and he shoves your shoulder. 

The two of you eat through about half the bag in silence. Karkat looks like he's got something heavy on his mind. You're pretty sure it's about you, so you don't ask him what's up. 

“What do you think is going to happen if we create a new universe?” He asks quietly, his eyes far away. 

“I don't know, never given it much thought” you grab another chip and pop it in your mouth. 

“I guess I haven't either. I just thought you'd have an idea” 

“I don't want to think about it. Too many horrible ideas” 

“Yeah...” He trails off, still not all there. 

You pull the chips away from him and set them down on your side table. 

“I haven't touched that mix if you wanted to give it another go” you try. 

He comes back to reality “yeah, that would be great” 

You nod and shove yourself off the bed to set up the equipment, telling yourself over and over again that this is fine. You did this before remember? And it wasn't gay before. It's not gay now. Bro gave you your tables anyways. He'd want you to use them and he would have no problem with you using them with your friend. 

Well, you don't really know that do you? 

You didn't really have friends in Texas. 

“So what do I do again?” Karkat asks. You almost jump at how close his voice sounds. You berate yourself for letting your guard down that easily and letting someone sneak up on you. He sits down in one of the chairs you set up for him as you explain the basics to him. 

You shove some headphones over both of your ears and smile a little as his ears twitch. This is good. You don't have to talk. You just make music. You're going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the comments on the last chapter were really helpful! Thank you all so much. Please let me know if you ever think there's anything I need to work on. So yeah. Enjoy another chapter of swill.


	38. Thumbs Up

You are not going to be okay. Karkat’s hand brushed past yours while you were mixing and you almost lost your shit. This is bad this is bad this is bad. 

He definitely noticed. He didn't say anything but he noticed. Shit. You crossed the line. Hand touches are not platonic. High fives? Yes. Bro fists? Of course. But hand brushing is for fucking gays. And you're not gay. 

Not that it's a bad thing. To be gay. You're just not. And you don't want that shit anywhere near associated to you. Karkat can go fuck some other guy and it's all good. Just like. Not near you. Or talk to you about it. Or anything. You feel queasy. 

You're suddenly glad Karkat left a little prematurely about fifteen minutes (fourteen minutes and thirty six seconds) after the hand touch (which lasted three unforgivable seconds). 

For some reason you find yourself thinking of how sad and dejected and just mortified Karkat looked when you refused to kiss him the first time. Ugh. No. Stop thinking about that. You fixed it. He's not all sad and mopey anymore. What a good best bro you are. You're simply the best there is. Better than... 

Better than... 

Fuck it you can't think today. You glance at the bag of Doritos, but you still feel too nauseous to be around food, let alone eat it. Fuck what do you do? You're not safe here. 

He’ll know. He’ll know about the three seconds. 

You find yourself in cantown a couple (four minutes and seventeen seconds) minutes without even thinking. Cantown is always safe right? 

The Mayor looks up from his new project and you feel a twinge of guilt. You haven't been here to help with Cantown in a while. He's added a third story to town hall. He probably had to get some help for that, considering his height. Or maybe he managed. He's building an arts district now. 

His eyes light up when he sees you and he hands you a can and some red paint. You raise an eyebrow at the little dude and he points excitedly at the graffiti he's made in the new district. You're impressed. He knows how to tag and to make decent tiny murals. 

“Oh man, that shit is golden right there. You just captured the seedy underbelly of cantown where the flourishing artists with jack shit in the way of money congregate in abandoned warehouses. I am so fucking proud. This is artistry at its finest.” You ramble as he leads you by the hand to a place to sit and work. 

You briefly wonder why you don't feel ashamed of holding hands with the Mayor when he's just as much of a guy as Karkat. Then you remember that the Mayor is a fucking carapace and he has no sexual attraction that you're aware of. So you think you're safe. Even Bro couldn't find a problem with the Mayor right? He's too cool for Bro’s disapproval. He'd probably give you a silent thumbs up like he did once when you actually landed a hit on Cal for the first time. Yeah. 

“Hey listen, I'm sorry I haven't been around lately. I just got caught up in some shit and it's stupid that I even did because it's not a big fucking deal. So yeah. I'm a piece of shit and you’re the best as always” you say. 

He shakes his head and wraps his arms around your waist, resting his head on your stomach. You pat his head and wonder, also very briefly, why you aren't freaking out like when Karkat hugged you. You then remind yourself once again that the Mayor is a sexless carapace. Why the fuck are you so hung up on this? 

He lets you go and gives you a thumbs up and something inside you aches because you were just thinking of the only time Bro did that to you and fuck, you are not comparing Bro to the Mayor. Fuck no. 

You sit down with him and begin painting cans. The first few you paint are just random tags but then you start actually painting and somehow the can now has a picture of Lil Cal’s face on it and you capatchlog it quickly. That shit has no place in Cantown what the fuck is wrong with you today? 

You then paint a decent picture of the Mayor and place that one down next to the others. Within several hours (five hours and twenty- fuck it.) you finish a heavily graffitied arts district. 

You bid the Mayor farewell and leave feeling that sense of accomplishment that you usually feel when leaving Cantown. You suddenly remember why you always hung out there when no one would talk to you within the first few months of the trip. The Mayor is a great listener and doing something always makes you feel better. Like you're useful. 

Today was a little weird at first. But you got over it. You'll get over this. 

You hear a sound in the distance and immediately your sword is in your hands. Okay so maybe you're not over it yet. But you'll get over it. You just to carry your sword to your room this time. Whatever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I just "not that there's anything wrong with that"ed you. Whoops. But yeah sorry this chapter took a while I just have school again and I have to write Dave which takes longer and I actually have to make a plot. Karkat's part was more of a seiries of drabbles at the beginning before I actually started making a plot line. So yeah. New chapter of Dave freaking out. Enjoy! Thank you for reading.


	39. This New Feeling

You have been spending the last couple of days in Cantown with the Mayor. It was easier to forget your constant nagging guilt over not spending time with Karkat when you were spending time with the Mayor. 

Karkat hasn't even pestered you since that day. You're pretty sure you fucked everything up with him forever and that's fine. You'll just spend two more years with only one friend who will hang out with you. Who doesn't really talk. But that's fine. Whatever. Your fault. 

You're working on creating the suburbs on the outskirts of the city. All the little can citizens can live comfortable middle class lives there. Have a golden retriever running around their front yard or some shit. Little white picket fences all neat and tidy. It makes you miss John. 

You're mostly mirroring these suburbs from what you can remember of the pictures he sent you of his neighborhood. 

It's not like you need friends though. You were fine before, you'll be fine now. 

“Are you making lawn rings?” You hear someone ask. You raise your eyes from the can you're working on to see Karkat standing in the doorway. The Mayor runs over to him excitedly and shoves a can at him. Karkat smiles and takes it, pulling the Mayor’s hood over his eyes playfully. He bats at him with his small shiny hands. Something in your chest clenches. You don't like this new feeling. 

“Yeah, the Mayor has ordered some suburban construction. All the houses are to look exactly the same, but painted slightly different colors.” You say. He looks up at you and you can't read his eyes from this far away. It makes you nervous. 

Karkat follows the Mayor as he trots back over to you and sits between the two of you in the spot on the floor the Mayor pats excitedly. You can see his eyes now and he looks like he's genuinely happy to be here. The clenching in your chest happens again. You really don't like it. 

He leans over and flicks your ear. “What do you mean look the same? Lawn rings all look completely different. I lived in one I should know.” 

You shove his shoulder in retaliation. “Not back on earth. Our suburban architecture is boring as fuck. They basically made a shitload of the same houses all in a grid and over time people added onto them and painted them and added bushes or someshit.” 

“Well we’re making a troll sector later. I'll show you what real architecture looks like” he says firmly, painting the can the Mayor handed to him. 

“Don't you make your houses when you're like two years old?” You paint your own can. 

“With integrity” he insists. The Mayor gives him a thumbs up, presumably to approve the construction of troll lawn circle things. 

Maybe this is better. We can just trash each other’s cultures like we used to and build Cantown. Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn't you be able to do this? You did it before, so you can do it now. Because nothing is different and you were just going through some stupid teenage self destructive thing that Rose talks about. Right? 

Right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Dave..... Haha get ready for more suffering lol. So yeah here's more Dave freaking out. He's gonna be doing a lot of that.
> 
> But yeah I know these chapters are really fucking short but I think it'll pick up in length later like Karkat chapters did. So yeah. Bare with me and my weirdness. Thank you for reading my swill!!


	40. A Foreseen Problem

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

TT: Hello Dave. 

TG: ... 

TG: you didnt open with a sarcastic jab or with huge thesaurus words 

TG: who died 

TT: My patience for your shenanigans. 

TG: oh my 

TG: sick burn there 

TG: watch out I might get some third degree shit 

TT: Oh yes, I’m sure we shall be forced to alert the dream paramedics. You best hope that we are near enough in proximity to a bubble when you decide to be oh so affected by my ill jabs. 

TG: you want dead people to try and save my life 

TG: wouldnt they all suck at that tho 

TG: on account of them being 

TG: dead 

TT: Oh contraire, brother mine. I would assume that the god tiered ghosts would at least partly know quite a lot about saving lives. 

TG: touche 

TT: As much as I'd love to wipe the floor with you in yet another debate, I contacted you with the intention of doing otherwise. 

TG: oh shit here we go 

TG: i knew someone died 

TG: fucking called it 

TT: None yet have perished. 

TT: I was merely curious as to if everything was doing alright between you and Karkat. 

TG: what why 

TT: The aforementioned troll has been spending the last few days or so at least partially in my company along with Kanaya’s. 

TT: He seemed a little worried. 

TG: hes fine 

TG: hes allowed to hang with other people without me 

TG: he doesnt have to ask my permission to cuddle up to his chainsaw mom 

TG: why wouldnt we be alright 

TG: nothing happened that was even important 

TG: you blow shit way the fuck out of proportion so fucking much 

TG: its so far out of proportion that the shit doesnt even know where it is anymore 

TG: probably hanging out in buttfuck nowhere as usual 

TT: Perhaps I am making something out of nothing. 

TT: Afterall you and Karkat seem to have an unshakable bond, hanging around “buttfuck” nowhere, as you call it. 

TG: what the fuck is that supposed to mean 

TT: Nothing at all. 

TT: Is there something bothering you, Dave? 

TG: stop it 

TG: stop that shit right the fuck now 

TG: i can feel you trying to get me to spill some sort of magical secret about how i have gay thoughts about fucking everyone who's ever been in my life that happens to be male 

TT: Interesting that you jump to that specific conclusion. 

TT: I was just making sure Karkat didn't hurt you or vise versa. 

TT: He seemed pretty intent on bringing you those chips and it looked as though it may have been a peace offering. I wanted to know if there was anything you wanted to talk about. 

TT: With someone preferably not Karkat. 

TG: we are fucking fine 

TG: thanks for asking 

TG: now if you excuse me ill leave you to contemplate how god damn “interesting” i am because obviously that is my number one goal in life 

TG: wow would you look at that 

TG: i can put shit into quotes too 

TG: write that shit down its an amazing discovery 

TT: Dave, I do not think you understand my intentions. 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

TT: Alright. 

TT: Talk to me later then, if you feel up to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmmmm I love Rose and Dave interactions..... Mmmmmmm..... 
> 
> I'm so happy I get to write a million of them now. You bet all your lovely little asses that the next intermission is just gonna be jam packed with Rose and Dave snarking back and forth. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!


	41. So You Do

Fuck Rose. Seriously just fuck her. You are so fucking done with her right now. She does this shit all the time. And now, because of her fucking pestering you, you're worried about problems that don't exist. 

You and Karkat are fine. There's nothing wrong. You've been hanging around cantown a lot more recently, but does that mean anything? No. Karkat actually seems happier these days. It's been about a week (8 days 21 hours and 9 minutes) since Karkat walked into cantown when you were building the suburbs. Since then everything's been great. 

So why the fuck are you letting Rose get to you? 

Every time Karkat does anything you grow more and more worried that he might have feelings for you. Which makes you feel like shit because that's such an egotistical train of thought to indulge in, but even so. You really don't want him to have a crush on you. He's a guy. Guys aren't supposed to have crushes on you. You're not gay. 

What does that have to do with Karkat’s feelings for you? I wasn't aware that sexuality depended upon the sexuality of the object of one's affections.

Shut _up_ Rose. 

You start walking to cantown so fast that gravity and its limitations start to piss you off. Why is everything out to get you today (the past 11 hours and 43 minutes)? You begin to float down the hall like the pretentious caped douche you are and you finally get to cantown to find Karkat and the Mayor huddled together away from construction. 

Your feet find purchase on the ground, figuring this might not be the best time for flying. You walk cautiously up to them, making more noise than usual to give Karkat a fair warning that you're coming. 

He looks up at you and his eyes are all red and puffy and his face appears blotchy with redder grey than normal. Shit. He's been crying. 

You crouch down next to Karkat, your eye brows drawn together. Did someone hurt him? Was it Vriska again? You swear to god you'll kill Vriska. Karkat starts blubber in the second you get there. 

“I'm sorry that I came here I just didn't know where else to go and I didn't want to be fucking alone in my block again on this god forsaken rock where everything is so damn cold and I don't-” he stops abruptly and turns bright red when the Mayor pats his face comfortingly. Shit was that a troll romance thing? Don't the bromance trolls get all up in each other's faces like that? Fuck you probably shouldn't do that then. What are you allowed to do? Put your hand on his shoulder? He did that to you once. But he might've had a crush on you back then though. Fucking hell is there anything you can do here that isn't gay? 

You seem to be pretty damn worried about him for someone who doesn't feel that way about him.

Shit. What was- 

What you're doing is already some pretty gay pussy ass shit. I expect more from a god damn Strider, Dave. I thought I taught you what was expected of you.

Holy shit you are _not_ comparing Rose and _Bro_ now. Fuck no. 

Why the fuck not? We're practically the same person. You can't say you haven't noticed some similarities.

Rose would never hurt you. 

Very true.

Fuck, it's been a while (5 seconds and 56 milliseconds) since Karkat stopped speaking. You fucked up. What do you do? 

Hug him.

No, but wouldn't that be weird and awkward as fuck? (6 seconds 48 milliseconds) 

_Dave._

(7 seconds 11 milliseconds) 

hug him

So you do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while. Sorry. School and all that. Also it's really short. Whoops. Next chapter might be longer. Bear with me!!!
> 
> But yeah. Tbh not sure how I feel about this chapter. Too soon? Fuck if I know. But it's just a hug so maybe I can pull it off. I tried to make it as hard for Dave as possible. So yes. Tada. More suffering. Chow down.
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!


	42. Momentary Bouts of Insanity

He goes as still as you are once your arms close around him. You're just about to back off because holy shit you definitely fucked up what were you thinking? That's when Karkat seems to collapse. He leans into you so suddenly you almost fall over. Shit. Regain composure. It's fine. No big deal. Oh god he's shaking. Is he shaking? Or is he just crying? Which is worse? 

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” He keeps muttering to you with shaking breaths. 

“S’okay” you say quietly. His hair is poking your face. His head is tucked into himself right next to your chest. Jesus he's so _close_. 

Karkat takes a few deep breaths to steady himself. He doesn't seem that much better in your opinion, but when he starts to shrink away from you, you let him go immediately. Your face is on lockdown. So is your mind. You're not allowed to think about this you're just gonna listen to Karkat. You can still feel his body heat. Ugh. No. Thinking. 

Karkat is wiping his eyes furiously and desperately trying to calm himself down. 

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come, this was a bad idea. God I'm no fucking _stupid_ ” he's basically beating up his eye sockets at this point. You would pull his hands away but you don't think you should touch him anymore than you already have. You're still a little warm because of that hug, god damn Karkat is a living fucking heater, you swear. Not that you're thinking about it. This isn't about you. 

“Hey. It's okay. Chill out man.” You shift a little which moves your shirt and makes you suddenly aware of the cold wet patch Karkat’s tears left. Fucking hell. 

He nods like he didn't really hear you. His eyes look far away and in this moment you realize that you don't know shit about your best friend. Where does he go when he's not here? 

“Sorry... I should go” he stands up. Even from the ground he looks so much smaller than he usually does. 

“You don't have to” you quickly stand with him. 

He's silent for a while, his puffy eyes searching your face. You let him see nothing. 

“Give me your sword” he says finally. 

You tense “my sword?” 

“Yeah” 

“Why?” 

He shakes his head. “Sorry, I just- that wasn't fair. Sorry” 

You let your legendary piece of shit fall into your hands and in a surge of insanity, you hand it over. Haha. It's not like you could die forever right? 

He could kill you right now if he wanted to though. 

Somehow you can't bring yourself to care. You just want him to stay. 

He looks at the outstretched weapon with wide eyes. You can't quite read his expression since he doesn't settle on one emotion for more than a few seconds. 

You're starting to think that maybe this wasn't a good idea? You fucked up somehow right? Oh god of course you did. You relinquished your weapon. You could die. Bro would've killed you. He would've literally killed you for being a pathetic sack of shit. You can still take it back, right? Fuck. No of course not. It's this huge gesture for some fucking reason. You really hate alien cultural differences. 

He shakes his head and pushes your weapon back towards you gently. He looks like he's going to cry again. Oh my god you fucked up even worse than you thought you did you stupid fucking- 

“Why are you so good to me?” His voice is small and almost accusatory. You don't like it. 

You allow the sword to return to your sylladex and tighten your grip on your goddamn composure. This isn't a lifetime movie. You aren't the stoic lead who needs to learn it's okay to care. Fuck that. 

You don't answer him because you don't think he's right, but arguing with him will only encourage him. You wouldn't really mind him leaving now actually. Your bout of sudden insanity has ebbed and now you're very fucking uncomfortable with all this feelings shit. 

He apparently read your mind because he doesn't seem to need an answer, choosing the huff out another small apology and scuttle out of the room. 

You let out a breath and turn to the Mayor. You're not really sure you're up for even that much interaction though, so you give him a wave and head out. 

You float the way back to your room, already obsessing over every little thing you could've handled way better in that situation. Which is everything, as it turns out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha. What? Procrastination????? Hahaha.
> 
> Sorry guys. But anyways here it is!!!!
> 
> Idk. This chapter. I don't know how to feel about it. Angsty Dave is hard.... But yeah. 
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!!
> 
> ALSO CHECK OUT MY FRIENDS' SHIT.  
> If you love fucked up stories, check out Ultimatum's An Impetuous God
> 
> If you love davekat of all flavors, check out sburbanite, though you probably already know of their work.
> 
> Have a wonderful week lovelies!!!


	43. Aftermath

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

CG: HEY LOOK, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THAT WAS AND I’M VAGUELY CONSIDERING DOING EVERYONE A FAVOR BY HURLING MYSELF INTO THE VOID AND RIDDING PARADOX SPACE OF MY MORTIFYING FLESH CARCASS. HOWEVER, I KNOW NO ONE WOULD APPRECIATE IT HALF AS MUCH AS THEY FUCKING SHOULD. WELL MAYBE VRISKA WOULD, BUT SHE DOESN’T FUCKING COUNT BECAUSE SHES THE MARQUISE OF FUCKED-UP-TOPIA. 

turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum! 

CG: YEAH I WOULDN’T WANT TO BE ONLINE EITHER AFTER THAT FUCKING MONSTROSITY. 

CG: THAT WAS COMPLETELY MY FAULT, BY THE WAY. 

CG: SO I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT WHAT YOU SAW WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A MOMENTARY LAPSE IN MY GENERAL SANITY THAT I POSSESS THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME. 

TG: if youre gonna spin this all out in a long ass spam session of grey text blocks that spell out very clearly how theres nothing wrong when my shirt is still wet from your tears 

TG: dont 

CG: ... 

CG: SOMETHING WAS WRONG, YES. 

CG: BUT MY POINT IS: 

CG: DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT. 

TG: my god karkat 

CG: I KNOW. 

CG: I’M SORRY! 

TG: just 

TG: its whatever 

TG: talk to kanaya about whatevers up with you 

TG: because seriously man 

CG: OH, BECAUSE I’M THE ONLY ONE ON THIS METEOR THAT BOTTLES UP MY FEELINGS. 

TG: fuck you 

TG: if you didnt want this to come up why the fuck did you pester me 

CG: JUST TO TELL YOU NOT TO WORRY! 

CG: I MIGHT BE A MELODRAMATIC ASSHOLE PRACTICALLY ALL THE FUCKING TIME, BUT I DO HAVE THE SENSE TO REGRET 90% OF MY CHOICES. 

CG: I SHOULDN’T HAVE COME CRYING TO THE MAYOR LIKE A GODDAMN WRIGGLER WHO’S A FILTHY LUSUS HOGGING ORPHAN. 

CG: I KNEW YOU'D SHOW UP EVENTUALLY. 

CG: THAT WASN'T FAIR. 

CG: NEITHER WAS EVERYTHING ELSE I DID FOLLOWING YOUR APPEARANCE. 

CG: SO IM SORRY AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. 

CG: IT'S NOT WORTH THE EFFORT ON YOUR PART. 

CG: I'LL BE FINE. 

TG: okay 

TG: just you know 

TG: i dont know what you want me to say 

TG: you obviously dont wanna talk about it 

CG: ... 

CG: I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING ALL WORKED UP OVER NOTHING. 

TG: well you got all worked up 

TG: and im still kinda processing what the fuck happened 

TG: so 

TG: try me i guess 

CG: IT WAS STUPID. I’M FUCKING STUPID. 

CG: I DON’T KNOW. 

CG: I UH 

CG: SAW GAMZEE IN THE HALL. 

CG: AND SHIT WAS SAID. 

CG: BUT I'VE COME TO TERMS WITH IT. 

CG: AND THAT'S IT. 

TG: shit was said 

CG: YES. 

TG: do you wanna elaborate or just leave me to stew in that 

CG: SORRY. 

CG: UH. 

CG: WELL I TRIED TO TALK TO HIM. 

CG: AND HE POINTED OUT TO ME A FEW THINGS. 

CG: THAT ARE TRUE. 

CG: AND 

CG: JUSTIFIED. 

TG: like 

CG: THAT I ABANDONED HIM. 

CG: AND LET VRISKA FUCK WITH HIS HEAD. 

CG: AND THAT HE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME. 

CG: WHICH ARE ALL TRUE AND JUSTIFIED SO CAN WE JUST FUCKING DROP IT. 

CG: IT'S FINE. I'M OVER IT. I FUCKED UP. WHAT ELSE IS NEW? 

CG: AND IT'S NOT HIS FAULT. 

CG: FUCK, I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID ANYTHING. 

CG: SORRY. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

TG: hold the fuck up man 

TG: can we talk about that 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked turntechGodhead [TG] 

TG: karkat 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] did not receive message 

TG: wait im sorry 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] did not receive message 

TG: we dont have to talk about it 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] did not receive message 

TG: karks? 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] did not receive message 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha. Yes. Consistent updates and suffering. 
> 
> Ah, those dramatic young boys. No one really captures how Karkat is dramatic while hating himself for being dramatic. So I thought I'd give it a go. Also Karkat is the one compulsively blocking people for once! Whoo!
> 
> so yes thank you for reading my swill.


	44. Of Pale Prostitutes and Hanukkah Sweaters.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

TG: hey karks still blocking me? 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] did not receive message 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

You sigh and put your phone back on the bedside table, balancing it haphazardly on the pile of junk that accumulated there. It buzzes almost immediately afterwards, the vibrations causing it to slide off the top of that junk pile and onto the junk pile that carpets your floor nowadays. You used to clean it up a little for Karkat because he would bitch about it constantly, but now... 

You haven't spoken to him in about a week (six days, fifteen hours, and twenty four minutes). 

You fish your phone out of the sea of shit, carefully avoiding the shit swords in the sea of shit. You open your shit pester chum on your shit phone in your room full of shit so that you, a shit person, can read who the fuck is bothering you in whatever shit color they fancy. You've given up hope that this time it'll be Karkat. 

Still, the teal text that fills the screen is a bit of a disappointment. 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

GC: D4V3! 

GC: G3T YOUR LOV3LY SM3LL1NG 4SS 1NTO C4NTOWN NOW! 

GC: TH3 L3G4L SYST3M H4S T4K3N 4N 4PP4UL1NG THR4SH1NG S1NC3 1 W4S L4ST H3R3 TO SORT YOUR SH1T OUT 

GC: 1 MUST S4Y 1 4M 3XTR3M3LY SURPR1S3D 

GC: 1 WOULD 3XP3CT TH1S FROM 4 COOLK1D L1K3 YOU W1TH NO R3SP3CT FOR TH3 RUL3S 

GC: BUT TH3 M4YOR?? 

TG: rez 

TG: not that it isnt really great what you're trying to do here 

TG: but im just not feeling it 

GC: BL4R! 

GC: 1 L3T YOU SL1D3 TWO N1GHTS 4GO W1TH YOUR “NOT F33L1NG 1T” HULL4B4LOO 

GC: YOU H4V3NT 3M3RG3D FROM YOUR MOP3Y S4DT1M3S L41R FOR 4 W33K D4V3! 

TG: six days 

GC: WH4T3V3R! 

GC: YOU 4R3 COM1NG TO C4NTOWN TON1GHT 4ND YOU W1LL P4RT1C1P4T3 1N TH3 G3NTR1F1C4T1ON OF YOUR CR1M3 R1DD3N 4RTS D1STR1CT 

GC: 3V3N 1F 1 H4V3 TO DR4G YOU FROM YOUR SL33P1NG PL4TFORM MYS3LF 

GC: WH1CH 1 W1LL DO 1F YOU 4R3 NOT H3R3 1N 

GC: F1V3 

GC: M1NUT3S 

GC: 4ND 1 KNOW YOU C4N 4LW4YS T3LL 3X4CTLY HOW MUCH T1M3 H4S P4SS3D SO NO L4M3 4SS 3XCUS3S! 

TG: ugh 

TG: fine 

TG: but im only doing this for the mayors sake 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

You arrive six minutes later. This is totally not a petty jab at Terezi for making you do things and interact with people. Who the fuck is she to keep you from becoming a recluse? What's wrong with that anyways? You hate people. Spending forever without them sounds fucking great. 

Terezi doesn't mention that you're late, but you can tell that she knows based on the look on her face. 

Whatever. 

“I was just about to come find you officer scrumptious! We need to make some much needed additions to this so called “arts district” of yours.” She points at you “this is where you come in. You need to make it hip and cool so that the citizens with more money grow interested. While you do that, I will set up a force of legislacerators and human police” 

“Yeah okay sure.” You say, grabbing a can and making it into a Starbucks. Because why the fuck not? You already feel like shit about yourself, not even sinking to the low of Starbucks can make it any worse. 

Vriska is there too. Fucking brilliant. 

“And while you're setting up your cute little rules and regulations, I will be over there creating a beach. In the corner. Aloooooooone.” Vriska whines, seeming very reluctant to do so. The look she gives Terezi tells you that this was planned for your benefit. You can't say you mind. The less Vriska the merrier. 

Vriska settles into her corner and Terezi nudges your shoulder. 

“So, Dave, long time no sniff” She plops herself down far too close to you and begins painting her can into a barely recognizable building that you assume is what she refers to as a “court block.” 

“Yeah I guess” you say to your can, not lifting your eyes to her. Normally no one would be able to tell but you have a feeling she can smell through your shades. That thought used to bring you comfort, like it was your thing that she could see through your bullshit. That was before you had actually wanted to put your walls up. 

“I'm sorry I haven't been in Cantown more often. There have just been some... Pressing engagements that take up the majority of my time that I'm sure you would not appreciate.” 

“Pressing engagements meaning Vriska?” 

“Yes. I know she can be difficult most of the time but...” She sighs and shifts a little closer to you. This also used to endear you to her, but now only makes you uncomfortable “I'll save you the “she's my moirail” speech.” 

“Yeah, thanks” you mutter, inching away slightly. 

“Dave, if you want to talk about it we can. And if you want me to talk to Karkat and get him to stop being such an ornery wriggler about everything as usual, I can.” 

Right to the point. 

“We don't have anything to talk about because it was my fault anyways and Karkat is fine. If he doesn't want to hang with me anymore that's fine. I'll just chill with the Mayor and you whenever you can ditch the spider. And maybe Rose and Kanaya. Rose can teach me to knit or something. I'll make you all shitty Christmas sweaters. Or I guess I'll make Rose a shitty Hanukkah sweater? Like a dreidel with too many sides or some shit. I don't know I'll have to ask her what I can deface from her culture without it being offensive” 

“Human holidays aside, are you sure you don't want to talk about it anyway? Maybe it would be nice to let someone else in on what's troubling your mind. It's my aspect after all I should know at least a little about that shit” 

“It's whatever. I fucked up. I mean everyone knew that a hot head like Karkat and a smart ass like me couldn't possibly last as friends right? Another prophecy complete so we don't all die in another doomed timeline.” 

She cackles like she used to, but it sounds bitter. Shit, maybe you missed a lot with her too. You're such a selfish prick you didn't even think that she might be going through shit of her own. 

“Maybe John can save us all through my guidance again. Except if we're doomed I guess my guidance doesn't mean shit and we might as well have had Equius directing changes in the Alpha Timeline” 

You frown and nudge her “hey, I didn't mean that” 

She offers you a half smile “I know” 

“So isn't all this wanting to console me and talk about my problems shit cheating on your galbro?” 

“Most of the remaining trolls have decided that the finer intricacies of quadrants don't really apply to humans. You all seem to be able to want to console each other, so were mainly resigned to the fact that you're all pale gluttons and that you console as often as a pale prostitute, but you don't get paid. I'll let you know if you cross too many moirailegence lines” 

“Wait, pale prostitute. Is that a thing?” 

“Mostly a trend among highbloods who are pathetic lowlives and can't get a real moirail to listen to them whine” 

“That's amazing Tez. Do you like, have to pay extra for them to cuddle with you after calming you down? Pre-consolation cuddles?” 

“Well I wouldn't know!” She shoves your shoulder roughly and you accidentally drop your can, earning you a scoff from Vriska. 

“Yeah well. Sorry that I'm apparently always troll flirting with you? What even is troll flirting? Can I fucking do anything without flirting with one of you guys? I mean Jesus, I wanna hang with you? Oh shit. That's a little too fucking close to bromance shit for me, Dave. I wanna talk to you about serious shit? Oh fuck, Dave, god fucking forbid you have feelings that you'd like to share every once in a fucking while” you let all this out in one gigantic breath and when it's finally all out you feel hollow, like you made a horrible mistake. Your stomach sinks. 

Terezi just continues painting her can in silence for a while (three minutes and forty six seconds). You're just about ready to abscond the fuck out of this awful situation and never come out of your room when she responds. 

“What happened with Karkat, Dave?” 

The sinking feeling in your stomach is replaced by boiling anger. Why the _fuck_ does everyone keep asking you that?! 

“Oh my fucking god. Can no one on this meteor mind their own fucking business for once and just leave me the hell alone?!” You push yourself up off the ground “Nothing happened, okay?! Why don't you ask him your bullshit questions, I'm sure he'd just love that” 

You fly as fast as your stupid god tier powers can take you before Terezi can respond. Once you get to your room you shut yourself in with a slam of the door. The chair is returned to its rightful place under the knob and you shove your desk in front of it to ensure that no one is ever going to bother you again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes Rose is Jewish. So is John if you were wondering. Ahahahahah. Yeah sorry I couldn't resist.
> 
> But yes another chapter of suffering for you! Ah poor angsty Dave. No one understands him.
> 
> As always thank you for reading my swill.


	45. i dont know

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

CG: HEY. 

TG: you unblocked me 

CG: YEAH... 

CG: SORRY. 

TG: ... 

CG: I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN SO LONG. 

CG: I FREAKED. 

CG: I'M SORRY. 

TG: do you know how long 

CG: WHAT? 

TG: eleven days and seven hours and thirteen minutes and two seconds 

CG: OH. 

TG: oh? 

CG: I'M SORRY. 

TG: ... 

CG: GOD, OKAY I'M A SHIT PERSON I'M SO SORRY. YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND BLOCK ME NOW. OR PUNCH ME IN THE FACE OR WHATEVER YOU THINK I DESERVE. 

TG: idk man 

TG: i dont rlly wanna punch you 

TG: or anything like that 

TG: i just 

CG: YOU JUST? 

TG: dont know 

TG: could you give me a bit 

TG: to like 

TG: know 

CG: YEAH OF COURSE. 

CG: WHATEVER YOU NEED. 

TG: alright 

TG: bye then I guess 

CG: BYE... 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's that you say? This chapter is horrendously short? Haha. Yeah it is! 
> 
> Sorry about that guys. But like. It's a transition chapter. And like. [insert excuse better than I was too lazy to write an actual chapter here].
> 
> But yeah. It's the tenth chapter of Dave suffering! (If my math is right) You know what that means? Of course you don't! Because I have literally no system for this shit!
> 
> But this marks a tentative half way point for act two. My goal is to finish the whole thing by the one year anniversary of this monstrosity. I doubt I will tho. We shall see! 
> 
> These notes are getting longer than the chapter.... Regardless thank you for reading my swill!


	46. Warm

It's been more than two weeks since you've seen Karkat (two weeks, one day, thirteen hours, and twenty two minutes). You haven't actually been outside your room for more than half (four days, eleven hours, and five minutes) of the time you've spent in your room (six days, seven hours, and fifty six minutes). 

Not to say people didn't try to get you to come out. 

You just stopped answering their messages. Terezi and Rose took turns knocking at your door for a while, but Terezi gave up after three days of nothing from you. Rose didn't. She still comes by once a day to make sure you haven't died or something. Even though that's stupid because you're god tier and you're pretty sure starving to death alone in your room purely because you were too busy to eat isn't heroic or just. 

You raided the kitchen before you locked yourself in here for good anyways. You're not that pathetic. 

Why are you hiding in here from your best friend when you miss him so fucking much? 

You don't really know, but you can't exactly stop now can you? You're in too deep. 

And besides, you don't think you can face Karkat again after the horrible circles your thoughts have been going round and round in. 

You want to bury yourself in blankets but it's too damn stuffy in here. You're all sweaty and gross because you haven't taken a shower in four days. Whatever. 

Your chest aches as your brain decides to attack you again. You miss Karkat. You miss making him laugh or growl at you or playing Mario Kart with him or some stupid shit like that. You'd watch a million of his stupid romcoms with him if you could get over yourself for long enough. 

You mostly watched him after the first few romcoms he made you sit through anyways. His face would twist into a million expressions and it was fascinating to watch. After spending most of your life with an emotionless husk, Karkat is like fresh water in the middle of the desert. And you lap him right up. 

You mean... Not _like that_ , but you know. 

You feel heat rise to your face because out of fucking nowhere you're thinking of when Karkat hugged you. That... Shouldn't be connected to what you were just thinking about him. 

It's happening again. 

You felt his hair brush against your cheek when he hugged you. And he was so _warm_ like what the fuck? He has no business being that warm. 

_His hands were warm too._

Fuck, you need to stop. 

This is so wrong. You feel nauseous. 

_His lips were warm._

...Shit. 

You remember feeling something zip down your spine as soon as you kissed and god, this is so gay. 

You're not gay. You're just incredibly horny. Hormones and all. Man, being a teenager stuck on a rock with a bunch of lesbians and your best guy friend sure does suck. It sucks and no one understands. 

Well, Terezi isn't a lesbian. You guess. What the fuck even are trolls? 

Whatever, it doesn't matter. The point is you don't have a chick that is anywhere close to a possibility so you're just making shit up subconsciously to feed your thirsty as fuck mind. 

Yeah. That's it. 

Bro would've probably murdered you for even having this train of thought. 

Ugh, fuck Bro. Why do you always come back to him? 

You need to get out of this goddamn room. You feel like the walls are closing in the longer you sit here. 

Maybe you could go see Rose. She could pick up her knitting lessons with you. Yeah, you'll have to deal with her trying to therapist the shit out of the situation but you can dance around that. You're just so bored and so tired of yourself. 

You drag yourself out of bed and don't even bother to fix your hair which is probably fucked up to hell. She’ll know something is wrong whether or not you look like shit. You grab your shades and remove the chair and your desk from the door and float along the hallways. 

You're already regretting the idea but you're more than halfway to Rose’s room so turning back would just mean more effort. 

The door is open and you hear Terezi’s cackle from out in the hall. You pause, trying to decide if this new amount of people was worth it. 

You guess you can handle Terezi too. 

You walk like a person who isn't a lazy sack of shit to the doorway and freeze. 

Karkat is there. He's braiding Terezi’s hair. Ha. They had a party without you. Everyone's here. You've been demoted to murder clown status. 

You know that isn't fair but you don't give a fuck. 

Karkat’s fingers falter and his eyes meet yours. Everyone falls silent. Fuck, too many people, too much attention. Could they stop looking at you holy shit. 

You just nod and abscond the fuck out of there. 

You're halfway down the hall when you hear feet slapping the ground running after. Fuck no. You can't do this. You can't. 

You go faster but you're too late because of your fucking flowy ass cape. You almost choke as you're forced to stop. 

Hands grasp your forearms and spin you around. It's Karkat. Of course it's Karkat. 

Your face feels wet. Jesus are you crying? Why are you crying? 

“Dave?” He looks so concerned. 

You laugh but it sounds wet and choked “I didn't know you could braid hair, dude” 

He looks at you incredulously and you add “that's kinda gay...” 

He shakes his head and scoffs at you, resting his forehead on your chest. His horns are poking you. He's still really warm. 

“Can we talk again?” He asks softly. 

“Yeah I guess” 

He holds his head up and nods at you. 

“Do you wanna play your stupid human video game with the ludicrous automobiles?” He asks. 

A small smile spreads across your face. “Mario Kart, dude. Learn the lingo if you're gonna play it. And sure, why not?” 

He smiles back at you, his hands are still holding your arms like he's afraid that you'll run away again. 

“But first you have to take a fucking shower. How long has it been since you've brushed your mop of weird human hair?” 

“Four days, two hour-” you stop yourself “a while” 

He holds onto your cape like a leash the whole way to the communal showers and waits outside for you the whole time. 

You missed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BAAAAACK
> 
> oh man this took a while
> 
> Ah well it's here now
> 
> Enjoy my gay swill


	47. Circles

How have you honestly not noticed how warm Karkat constantly is? You mean, you thought about it for that time you locked yourself up to stew in your own self pity, but damn. You're just sitting next to him and you can feel heat radiating from him. 

“So should we play the one with the horribly complex and stupid roads, or the one with horribly complex and stupid roads?” He asks, showing you the selection the two of you hid in one of the common rooms with an alchemized TV. 

“Dude, how come you're always so warm?” 

He raises an eyebrow at you. “I'm warm.” 

“Yeah man, I can feel it and I'm not even touching you” 

“Should I sit further away?” 

“Nah, it's fine, I'm just curious” 

“Well why are you so cold?” 

“I'm ninety eight degrees dude.” 

“That's all well and good Dave, but we obviously have different systems of measurement for temperature. In any case, this is the temperature my body functions at. Wow. Science” 

You shove him for being a smart ass. But also to feel how warm his shoulder is. Karkat isn't bony either. He's not round really, he's just not horrendously skinny. He's small. He practically swims in that ridiculous sweater of his. You could feel how thick it was when you shoved him. 

It probably makes him warmer. 

“Dave? You still in there? Should I be concerned that you've been consumed by the swirling black hole that's in place of your thinkpan?” He sounds sarcastic and he's snapping in your face obnoxiously, but he looks worried. His face always betrays him. 

“Nah I just spaced for a second is all” 

He nods and chucks a video game at your chest, followed closely by the second. 

“Choose one already. No more talking about how hot I am” 

“Oh, you wish Vantas” 

“Why would I wish to be hot when I'm obviously already hot? I'm hotter than you at least” 

“Alright, Mr. Hot Shit. Get ready to get your ass kicked at Mario Kart.” 

\--------------- 

Needless to say you won. Then of course Karkat demanded a rematch. You kicked his ass four more times before he declared that human games were obviously inferior and he couldn't possibly excel at something aimed towards those of so low intelligence. He's just too complex for this shit. 

To which you responded with a “yeah right” which earned you a socked foot in the face, shoving your head backwards. He didn't use any real force though. Oh the affection. 

Eventually he decided that you wrestling with his foot wasn't fun anymore and that's how you ended up watching _another_ romcom. You could've sworn he ran out of them last year. But no. He has more. Of course he has more. 

You use his lap as a footrest as revenge for the foot to the face halfway through watching Karkat watch the movie with your head turned towards the screen. Thank you shades. 

This backfires on you so quickly. Karkat runs his nail over the arch of your poor bare feet and you jump involuntarily. You frown at him but he's still watching the movie with this stupid little smile on his face. He looks so god damn smug and now you _can’t_ let him win. You keep your feet just where they are and cross your arms over your chest. Because fuck that. You're not ticklish. 

Karkat’s smirk spreads wide into a full out shit eating grin, then he proceeds to tickle the shit out of your feet. 

You totally don't squeal. You don't. 

That's not the reason Karkat is laughing at you. He's probably laughing because you're twitching and twisting away from him like a fucking fish out of water and you most likely look like an idiot. Your face starts to burn and you kick at his hands. He raises them in surrender. 

You glare at him with your feet tucked close to you where they're safe. He just smiles and pats his lap. Yeah. Right. Like you're gonna come crawling back after that. 

He rolls his eyes and shrugs, rewinding the movie to the point where he started messing with you too much to actually watch it. You know he's seen this movie way too many times by the way he's mouthing one of the lines to himself in a way you're sure he thinks is discreet. Nerd. 

You hold strong for about ten minutes. That's when sitting all curled in on yourself starts getting ridiculously uncomfortable. You cautiously spread out so that your knees are still bent but your toes are just brushing his thigh. It's marginally better. 

He rolls his eyes again but you can see a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He hooks an arm under your legs and scoops them back into his lap. You make a grunt of protests but he pats your knee reassuringly. 

You decide to trust him begrudgingly, but only because it sucks to sit on this tiny ass couch with your long amazing legs. 

His hand doesn't leave your knee. It's warm. Like the rest of him. Shit. No. You're not having this train of thought now. You need to get over this shit, it's getting ridiculous. 

He moves his other hand to the top of your foot and you stiffen, glaring at him. He ignores you and rubs little circles into your ankle with his thumb. 

It's... Nice. You guess. Your face is heating up without your permission, so you tear your eyes from Karkat and back to the screen. You gather that the leading couple was fighting and now they're making up. And now you're watching two dudes get their mack on. Excellent. 

You feel super uncomfortable right now. Especially since now it's getting a little hot and heavy in the movie. Fuck, you do not need to see this. You mean, it's fine and everything, but _you_ don't need to see it. 

You close your eyes and try to sleep, like you always do when the movies get boring or uncomfortable. Karkat’s thumb is calloused. Probably from all that strifing he did during his game. You can feel a little scar on the pad of his thumb. You wonder if there's a story behind that. 

It's cold in here. You pull your cape around yourself. Is this why Karkat always wears the same thick sweater everywhere? He probably gets cold faster than you do because of body temperatures and... Science and stuff. You bet Jade would know exactly why. Math was always more your thing. 

“Dave?” You hear Karkat whisper. You debate pretending you're asleep, but decide that you've ignored him way too much to do that. 

“Mm?” 

“Do you ever think you'll find that?” 

“Find what?” 

“That. A functioning relationship. That lasts.” 

“I don't know man. Maybe” 

“Hm” 

“Hm what?” 

“Nothing, I was just affirming that I was listening” 

“Alright... Why do you even ask?” 

Karkat’s hand stills. 

“I don't know...” 

“Yeah you do” 

“I was just curious” 

You don't answer, but you do open your eyes. He's got that look on his face again. Like he's somewhere else where you can just barely reach him. 

“I'm sorry” you whisper 

He looks surprised and he's suddenly back with you, his eyes fixed on yours. 

“About what?” 

“These past two weeks” you bite back the rest of the time. 

“It's fine. You needed time.” 

You frown. You can't see any emotion on his face. It's like a wall came down and now you're feeling blindly around for what to say. 

“It was still shitty” 

He just shrugs. The wall is still there. You feel a little panic rise up in your chest. You fucked up. You fucked up so badly. 

“It's fine, Dave.” He assures you. But it's not. You're stuck in the desert again. And god, that stoney look reminds you so much of Bro. 

No. _No no no_. Fuck this. He's not Bro. He's not. He's not. He's n- 

“Dave?” Concern floods his face and you can breathe again. When did you stop breathing? 

“Yeah?” You keep your voice even. 

“Nothing....” He still looks very concerned and you're so fucking glad. At least he looks like he has feelings. 

He continues rubbing circles into your ankle after he puts another movie on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day. Another gay.
> 
> But yeah UPDATE!
> 
> You're welcome.
> 
> Enjoy the swill my dear friends


	48. Hopcrotch

Karkat is laying on the floor in front of you with the Mayor sprawled out on his chest. His arms cradle the little guy and they both look like you're gonna fall asleep any time now. You've just finished outlining Karkat’s body like they do on old homicide detective shows. Terezi would’ve been proud. 

“Hey, Karkat come on, don't fall asleep on the floor again.” You nudge his cheek with the end of the chalk, smearing blue powder on it. 

He swats your hand away and grumbles something unintelligible and probably extremely vulgar. You're kind of sad to miss it. 

“You're just gonna complain about how your back hurts when you wake up” you poke his cheek this time. 

“Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment” he murmurs. 

“Your weird kinks aside, I think I might have something for us to do” 

“You couldn't have told me that an hour ago? When I wasn't dead to the world?” 

“Get up Karkat” you whine, shoving at his shoulder. 

He sits up and shoves you back “Well fuck, I'm not getting any goddamn sleep with you around anyways. Now, pray tell, what is the oh so marvelous idea you had that has driven you to fuck over my sleep quota sideways with your weird mangled human genitals?” 

“Wow dude. I didn't know you felt that way about Dave Jr. Way to make him sad and hurt. The big guy is never gonna bounce back. Notice how I said big not li-” 

He throws a piece of chalk at your face. The Mayor is now settled comfortably in his lap with his face buried in Karkat’s chest. He's such a mom, you swear. 

“If you're done spewing lies about your tiny ass bulge that more closely resembles a worm than anything else, I'd like to do whatever it is you're taking forever to explain, since I'm sure as fuck awake now!” 

“Shhh, cool it soccer mom, you'll wake the kid” you tease, pointing to the Mayor. 

“I have no idea what any of that meant at all.” He deadpans. 

“Whatever dude, just follow me. We gotta do this shit out of cantown. We can't muddle its majesty with our silly shenanigans” you get up and grab a piece of chalk and a stray popsicle stick. 

He narrows his eyes in suspicion at your actions but hauls the Mayor up to rest on his hip like the fucking embodiment of a goddamn mom and follows you. You walk out into the hall and down a little ways then stop, stooping to draw the shape you can only remember seeing on TV. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to be” Karkat adjusts his hold on the Mayor and it's honestly adorable how his motherly tendencies get dragged out of their hiding place by the Mayor. 

“This” you place a number in the final square “is a human ritual called hopscotch” 

“Hopscotch” 

“Yes” 

“I would say that it sounds made up, but I will graciously withhold my judgement until you're done explaining this ridiculous diagram” 

“Wow Karkat, I'm touched. Truly.” You stand up straight and brush your god tier pants off. 

“Okay so” you gesture to the drawing “this is hopscotch. You take this stick and throw it into one of the boxes like so” you throw the popsicle stick “and then you skip that box when you jump in the boxes” 

“You jump in the boxes.” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Yep pretty much. But only one foot is allowed in a box at any given time. And no feet outside of the box. Thems the rules” 

He pulls the Mayor up more securely on his hip. “Show me” 

You shrug and see that the stick fell on one of the double boxes. You proceed to hop the whole thing one footed. You then gesture dramatically at yourself and bow, earning you a scoff from Karkat. 

“Your turn man” you grab the stick and hold it out to him. 

He frowns and glances at the still half awake Mayor. You roll your eyes and drop the stick, holding your arms out. You guess you're the Dad in this scenario? That's fucking weird. You should make a shitty Christmas card. Maybe you could even be posing in front of an alchemized white picket fence. Oh shit... What if you got Karkat to wear an apron. That would be fucking priceless. You could die happy. 

Karkat grudgingly hands him off to you. You cradle him your arms for the added ironic effect. Hell yeah. Best dad. 10/10. 

He picks up the stick and throws it, and you get the pleasure of watching him try to look extremely unimpressed while also flailing when he had to skip the square the stick landed in. 

He turns to you and gives you the most sarcastic fucking curtsy you almost die of laughter. 

“This is not fun Dave. I don't know what the fuck you did on Earth for fun, but this is not it. It would be more fun to stare at the wall for all eternity” 

“All eternity? Harsh” 

He rolls his eyes and you sigh. 

“Okay, okay. I'll draw a new one. A funner one” you offer. 

He scoops the Mayor out of your arms. “Funner isn't a word, asshole” 

“Oh I'm sorry, more funner. See? I can does the grammars goodly” 

“I hate everything and I have to burn my auricular sponge clots so I may never hear again” 

You just scoff and start working on your masterpiece. You being you, you can't help yourself. That's right. Dick shaped hopscotch. Dickscotch. Hopdick. 

You turn around proudly to show Karkat. He's not having it. 

“No” he says immediately. 

“What? Why?” 

“Because I know enough from your juvenile scribbling to know that I am not going to enable you to make bulge jokes all day. So no Dave, I am not jumping on your dick” 

You, like the mature person you are, laugh your ass off. 

He sighs and set the Mayor, who has woken up by now, on the floor and sighs. He starts to spin in place. You calm down enough to notice him. 

“Dude... What are you doing?” You ask. 

“Spinning” 

“No shit Sherlock, I meant why” 

“Why not? I'm bored and you're laughing like a wriggler about genitalia. I'm amusing myself since you are obviously otherwise occupied” 

“You're gonna get dizzy” 

“You don't know me. You don't know my life.” 

You laugh a little, watching him spin aimlessly. The Mayor shuffles over to him excitedly and holds his hands up, jumping in front of Karkat. Karkat stops spinning and grins, grabbing the Mayor’s hands and spinning him around and around until he picks up so much speed that the Mayor’s feet hang mid air. His eyes are crinkled in delight. 

Eventually Karkat slows to a stop and the Mayor shakily finds his footing. 

“Strider” he turns to you, grinning without restriction “get in on this action” 

“Yeah no, I'm good with watching you guys giggle and play ring around the rosie” 

“That wasn't a request” he insists, holding out his hand. 

“I don't-” you start, but then the Mayor let's go of Karkat’s other hand and runs over to you, tugging on your cape. You can't say no to the Mayor. That would be fucking blasphemy. 

You sigh and grab Karkat’s hand silently along with the Mayors. This... Is a little weird. Holding hands with the Mayor is alright. But Karkat? 

It shouldn't feel different, should it? 

Karkat nudges your shoulder and you start spinning. Your hand is sweaty. He probably thinks it's really gross. You feel really gross. 

You glance at Karkat. He's still got that stupid smile on his face. The one that makes you feel weird in your chest. You look at the Mayor instead. He looks like he's the happiest little guy in the world. His feet aren't touching the ground anymore. 

You need to chill the fuck out. You're just hanging with your best friends. The Mayor is chill with it, so you should be too. Besides, it's kinda cool to have the world disappear into one huge blur. All that's left is you and Karkat and the Mayor. It almost feels like everything you're worried about is blurring along with the hallway. 

Almost. 

You allow yourself to smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey... I'm back.
> 
> Yeah my house is under construction so I'm gonna be gone for like a few weeks?? Idk man
> 
> But anyways!!!! Hey look!?! Actual canon!
> 
> ALSO HOMESTUCK IS UPDATING. 
> 
> I'm not ready... Ugh. My children are back in peril.


	49. The Dick Sunset

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

TT: Dave. 

TT: You wouldn't happen to know the whereabouts of my very important and vital book in which I scrawl information about the game we are currently playing, not to mention the plans for the final battle that Vriska and I have been slaving over. 

TT: Would you? 

TG: aw man that sure is a lot of purple 

TT: Dave. 

TG: look 

TG: i may or may not know where it is 

TG: but regardless of where it is 

TG: you need a break 

TG: and i need to draw 

TG: so it all pans out 

TT: Forgive the repetition, but regardless of that particular fact, I was not aware that it was entirely up to you to decide if I am in need of a break. 

TG: yeah i took over break duty when you started gettin those bags under your eyes 

TG: maybe you could find a dream version of your oh so important book and get shit done while unconscious 

TG: in other words 

TG: get some fucking sleep 

TG: youre scaring the crap outta me and kan 

TT: ... 

TT: I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. However, I will allow you to scribble whatever lewd nonsense you would like in my book. 

TG: thanks man 

TG: knew i could count on you 

TT: ...Dave? 

TG: yeah? 

TT: I take it I owe Kanaya a chat? 

TG: a bit 

TT: Alright. 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

“I don't think Rose is going to appreciate your crude, sad attempts at ‘art’ in her book” Karkat says, thumbing through the pages filled with Rose’s elegant and loopy handwriting. All in purple of course. You wonder how long it took her to alchemize a self indulgent purple pen. “It seems like she worked really fucking hard on all this shit” 

“Nah, she'll be thrilled. Knowing her, she'll start questioning whether I wanted to kill my dad and fuck my mom based on all the dicks I drew and the varying degrees of erection.” 

“Didn't you only have a littermate? Who was also the supplier of your genetic information. Which I still don't entirely understand.” 

You tense up at the mention of Bro, but shake it off quickly. It's whatever. You're not gonna freak out because Karkat mentioned that he _existed_ offhandedly. 

Your stomach refuses to undrop itself despite your firm mindset. 

Speaking of firm things, you slide the book out of Karkat’s hands and into your lap and continue to draw beef truncheons. 

“Yes, a fact I will remind her of. Also that her mother supposedly stole her penis.” You reply. 

“What?” 

“There was a crazy ass human dude who really liked to theorize about dicks.” 

“So is he your idol or something?” 

“Nah he was legit insane. I just appreciate the majesty of flesh cannons.” 

“You're disgusting and juvenile” 

You smirk and draw another dick, this time with a tiny Karkat riding it into the dick sunset “I have no idea what you mean” 

Karkat glares at you, his face a little pink with rage. Ha. Score. 

You expect him to go off on a rant but he just crosses his arms and stares at your drawing for a bit. 

“Dude, did I break your mind or something?” 

He grabs the pen from you as well as the book and begins to draw something. You look over his shoulder as he angrily scribbles two circles and shades them in. Oh shit. Are those supposed to be your shades? 

“It's called a thinkpan you imbecilic shitsponge” 

“Aw man, he's angry now. Drawing a revenge picture?” 

“Shut up” he almost rips the paper trying to draw your mouth, which is turned downwards and you believe the mass sticking out of it is your tongue. Or at least you hope so. 

He then draws some half hearted hair on your beautiful head and a speech bubble declaring that you're very stupid and love eating bulge. It's a masterpiece. 

He puts down the pen triumphantly and smiles smugly at you. You pull out your phone and snap a pic of it, that shit is gonna be your fucking wallpaper. 

He frowns “why did you take a picture of it?” 

“Because that shit is going to go straight to my lock screen. Sorry Ben Stiller, your vaguely gaunt face will have to contemplate the weight of its replacement.” You change the picture in your settings as you speak and close your phone, opening your lock screen and showing it to Karkat who looks absolutely horrified. 

“Change it back this instant” he demands. 

“Nah” 

He lunged for your phone but you back the fuck up and start flying pronto, shoving the phone into your pocket. He growls at you and starts jumping to catch you. He gets your foot. You start kicking and attempt to fly higher. He just jumps again, this time holding your foot to his chest and using all his weight to drag you down with him. It works. You fall flat on your ass and he sits on your stomach. You grunt out involuntarily as his weight settles on top of you. 

“Change the picture” he demands again, a little out of breath. 

“Get off of me Karks” you feel your face heating up. 

“Hmmm... Nah” he says, mimicking you. 

“Fuck you man” 

“Not today Strider, I've already got several appointments. I'm all booked.” 

“You're full of shit” 

“Maybe, but I'm not moving” 

You glare at him and sit up, shoving him over and rolling onto your side as you do so. He flails and falls face first. You take your opportunity to fly away and to your room. 

“I'm never changing it” you call behind you, snickering to yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live. My house is still under construction but I had an hour to kill. Here ya go. Love you guys. Thank you for reading my swill.


	50. Late Night Movies and Early Morning Shit Flipping

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

TG: dude 

TG: karkat 

TG: karkat 

TG: kaaaaaaarkaaaaat 

TG: pay attention to me 

TG: im an attention starved asshole 

TG: im so fucking ready for you to fill me with 

TG: your... 

TG: attention... 

TG: uh 

TG: okay scratch that 

TG: im a hungry douche bag and i want to ea- 

TG: fuck 

TG: no no nope 

TG: please never read this ever 

TG: godddd 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

CG: YES DAVE, I’LL COME OVER TO WATCH A MOVIE WITH YOU. 

CG: YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING TOOL. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

You hear a knock at your door a few minutes later. It's too late. You've already resigned yourself to hiding under your blankets and screaming in mortification for the rest of the journey. 

“Dave, I know you're in there. I brought movies. And my husktop. I'll let you pick.” Karkat calls. 

“Sorry dude I'm a little busy dying here. You know how it is. Suffering is my jam.” Suffering is my jam. Wow. Fuck, there really isn't a situation in which you can't make it so much worse by talking. 

“Let me the fuck in you whimpering pissgrub. I didn't even read your last few messages if that's what this is about” 

He's full of shit. You've been lied to. This is blasphemy. 

Whatever. You get up out of your sulk blanket and open the door. He looks up at you and rolls his eyes, pushing past you into your room. 

“Is you freaky alive laptop charged?” You ask 

“It's kind of charged....” He mutters, moving to set it up. 

“Then we should probably move to that one room. I don't have any bug adapters” 

He ruffles around in his “satchel” which is totally a purse but whatever. 

“I think I left mine in there anyways” he packs his stuff back up and both of you head out the door. 

You have no idea what the fuck to say so you shove your hands in your pockets and keep your eyes trained on the ground. The silence is thick and punishing. 

Karkat bumps your shoulder. You look up at him but he stares stubbornly forward. He's shit at fighting back his smile, though. Your lips twitch up and you bump him back. He retaliates by pushing his shoulder into your arm with a bit more force. You grin and shove him with one hand. He shoves you back with both and you stumble a little. 

He smirks at you, the little shit. You simply stick your foot out in front of him. Unfortunately, he doesn't fall, but he came pretty damn close to doing so. 

He grins at you and shoves you square in the chest. You stumble back, but you're quick to do the same. The two of you playfully push each other back and forth until he inevitably lands on his ass. 

“Fuck..” He's actually painting, the nerd. 

“Here” you offer him a hand. He takes it and tugs downward sharply, making you lose your footing momentarily while he pulled himself up. He makes a show of dusting himself off with a smirk and walking ahead of you. 

You roll your eyes and catch up to him easily, punching his shoulder. 

His smirk doesn't falter until you get to where you usually hang out, just because it has the best couch and it's pretty far away from other people. 

You plop down on said ridiculously comfortable couch and wait for Karkat to set up his weird ass creepy crawly laptop. This room always makes you fall asleep, which is usually a good thing considering Karkat’s movie preferences. It's not just the comfy ass couch. It's the room. It's dimly lit and pretty warm. And if Karkat’s sitting next to you it's even warmer. 

...Anyways. 

“What are my choices of sappy chick flicks?” You ask. 

“It's a testament to how much I enjoy your company that you're not dead right now. Or actually, long dead, because you constantly insult works of art” he sighs, plopping down next to you as his husktop scuttles to a stop in front of you. He mouths off a few really long titles at you that you only half listen to you. 

“The one with the explosions sounds interesting” you say when he's done. 

He mumbles something about your amazing listening skills and pops it in, leaning back and getting comfortable. 

\---------------- 

You think you made it through three before you fell asleep. It always turns out this way though, so you're not too worried. You shift so that your sunglasses aren't digging into your face and blink a few times. 

The first thing you see is denim. 

You're suddenly very awake. And very aware that Karkat’s hand is on your shoulder. You can feel the slow rise and fall of his stomach as he breathes, still clearly asleep. You slept with your head in his lap. Too close. Too close. Fuck. 

You move just a little, trying to go slow enough that Karkat won't wake up and you can make your escape before shit gets awkward. You just know that your face is already bright red from embarrassment. God, this is very extremely not platonic. Bros don't sleep on each other. 

All the muscles in your body tense as he stirrs. Fuck fuck fuck. No. Run. You have to run. Why aren't you running? 

He doesn't wake up. He just relaxes again and puts his hand in your hair. 

This is really really gay. 

You need to get out of here. 

You inhale deeply and steel yourself, sitting up and getting off the couch and out the door so fast you're almost quick enough not to hear Karkat mumble a groggy “Dave?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Titanic sinking day!
> 
> Also the ending of homestuck... Honestly I'm holding back my grief until the epilogue.
> 
> Enjoy my progressively gayer swill.
> 
> Oh the character development


	51. Of Red Grey and Purple

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

TT: Dave? 

TT: I'm going to ask you this clearly and plainly: 

TT: Are you going to disappear again? 

TG: whoa whoa 

TG: who the fuck got your panties in such a gordian knot 

TT: You didn't answer the question. 

TG: no im not 

TG: just like 

TG: today 

TG: i dont know rose im tired okay 

TT: I will be making sure you follow through with your word. 

TG: aight jesus 

TT: I don't need to know what happened, Dave. 

TT: You should know, however, that Karkat is worried about you. 

TG: fuck 

TG: okay just 

TG: fine 

TG: yeah 

TG: thanks 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

Jesus shitting Christ on a stick you can't get any fucking peace around here. Dave?? Did you leave to take a shit??? How is your mental state??? You're worrying us with your shit taking! 

Well to be fair... You did lock yourself in your room for two weeks fairly recently. 

Whatever. 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

TG: hey man 

TG: rose just touched me down 

TG: that is to say 

TG: she hit the ball 

TG: she thought she made a basket 

TG: but she made a home walk 

TG: missed the goal entirely 

TG: her shoe was the only thing that made it through the big yellow y 

TG: the crowd went wild with dismay 

CG: ... 

CG: AS MUCH AS I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HUMAN SPORTS 

CG: I KNOW THAT WAS NOT ANYTHING THAT MADE ANY SENSE TO ANYONE EVER. 

TG: what 

TG: man thats human sport terminology 

TG: i know all about the sports 

TG: all the sports knowledge 

TG: all of it 

CG: I'M JUST GOING TO IGNORE YOU AND GET TO ROOT OF WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO ACTUALLY SAY. 

CG: WHAT DID ROSE DO? 

CG: OR FAIL TO DO? 

CG: OR WHATEVER YOU MEANT. 

TG: she was all up in my business about shit 

TG: dave blah blah blah 

TG: worried blah blah blah 

TG: pretentious lavender text blah blah blah 

TG: and from that 

TG: i came here to clear some air 

TG: im fine 

CG: YOU'RE FINE. 

TG: yeah man 

CG: OKAY. 

TG: what? 

CG: NOTHING. 

TG: no not nothing 

TG: tell me 

CG: I JUST SAID OKAY. AS IN ACCEPTANCE OF YOUR STATEMENT. 

TG: ... 

TG: okay whatever 

CG: DAVE, SERIOUSLY I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT. 

TG: its whatever man 

CG: DAVE. 

CG: YOU'RE ACTING AWFULLY DEFENSIVE FOR SOMEONE COMPLETELY FINE AND DANDY. 

CG: CAN WE NOT DO THE DANCING IN CIRCLES THING? 

CG: I KNOW I'M BEING A HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE, BUT I SERIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER FIGHT WITH YOU. 

TG: were not fighting 

TG: who said we were fighting 

CG: ... 

TG: well were not 

CG: OKAY. 

TG: jesus christ 

TG: could you stop saying that? 

CG: WELL WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY? 

TG: I DONT KNOW 

CG: ... 

CG: SORRY. 

TG: no 

TG: that wasnt 

TG: look 

TG: i needed to breathe 

TG: thats why I left 

TG: i needed a moment 

TG: is that okay with you?? 

CG: DAVE, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO. 

CG: I'VE FIGURED OUT THAT YOU NEED SOME SPACE SOMETIMES AT THIS POINT. 

CG: I'M NOT STUPID, I GOT THE MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR. 

CG: AND THAT'S FINE WITH ME! 

CG: BUT YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM WORRYING. 

CG: AND HONESTLY 

CG: I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS CONVERSATION. 

CG: SO IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT DON'T BRING IT UP. 

TG: karkat 

TG: are you fucking serious right now 

TG: i seem to recall that when you ignored me first it was because i said the EXACT same thing to you 

CG: I KNOW!! 

CG: I KNOW THIS DAVE! 

CG: WE BOTH HAVE PROBLEMS FUCKING LISTENING TO OUR OWN DAMN ADVICE. 

CG: IS THIS NEWS TO YOU? BECAUSE IT'S SURE AS HELL NOT FOR ME. 

CG: CAN WE JUST LEAVE THIS ALONE? 

CG: YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK ELSE TO SAY. 

TG: yeah okay 

CG: I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. 

CG: I'M SORRY, AND I'M NOT MAD AT YOU BY THE WAY. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh... Idk about the character development here. But whatever. 
> 
> Tell me what you think about it!
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!


	52. It's Getting Pretty Gay Bro

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

CG: DAVE? WANNA HANG OUT? 

TG: sure 

CG: OKAY. MEET ME IN THE BLOCK WITH THE ONLY DECENT COUCH ON THE METEOR. 

TG: see you there 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

You lug all your essential shit to the couch room, meaning your laptop and your phone. You're pretty sure if earth still existed the baby boomers would have a field day. 

Karkat is already there when you arrive, he looks worried but as soon as he looks at you any trace of worry is carefully hidden away. Maybe you underestimated his ability to hide his emotions. 

He grins at you and shoves your shoulder with his own. 

“I have an idea” you don't think you've ever heard him so enthusiastic. 

You can't help but smile back. What fight? You can't seem to recall one when he smiles at you like he's going to tell you the most wonderful secret you've ever heard. And it's just for you to know. 

“An idea you say? Is that why you've called me here today, Commissioner Vantas” you ask in your best impression of a formal tone. 

“Indeed it is Mr. Strider, step into my office” he waves you towards the couch. 

You pause a minute, thinking about waking up with your head on Karkat's lap. That doesn't matter though. It could've been worse, right? 

_Yeah, worse, like his fingers could've been in your hair. Oh wait._

“Dave?” A flicker of that worry comes back. 

You plop down on the couch. “So everyone's here, what's the plan Commissioner?” 

He mercifully decides to move on. “I figure since last year was a complete and total fucking disaster, we should host this coming end of the year bash and make sure that no twisted fucking mind games are enabled this time” 

You grin unabashedly at him as he sits down next to you. “Karkat. Are you asking me to throw a party. To hold a rave. To blow the roof off this place” 

“Please don't blow the roof off this place. I like my boring meteors of impending doom roofed” 

You flick his ear and he growls good naturedly at you. 

“Ask me.” 

“What?” 

“Ask me if we can throw a party” 

“Can we throw a party Dave?” 

“Yes” 

“Hell yes?” 

“Hell fucking yes” 

He laughs pulls a notebook and a pencil out of his sylladex. “So I was thinking we could have music this time” 

“What? Nothing for me to write with?” You tease. 

He smirks at you and a red pen falls out of his sylladex and onto your lap. That cheeky bastard. 

“You alchemized a self indulgent red pen? Just for me??? I'm swooning Karkat” 

“Or I stole it from your block because I saw that it fell under your sleeping platform a while ago and I knew you'd never find it and need a pen?” 

“Wow. I think I should be flattered and insulted. Well played, Vantas. Well played” 

He winks at you sarcastically and your stomach flips. Karkat jots down at the top of the page “Karkat and Dave’s plan.” 

“Karkat and Dave?” You ask. 

“Yeah, why?” 

“Doesn't Dave and Karkat sound better?” 

He hums, tapping his chin with his pencil, “hm... No.” 

You frown at the challenge in his eyes. “Alright. It doesn't matter to me” 

“Then why'd you bring it up?” 

“Get that smirk off your face” 

He snickers and scribbles music, then a hyphen, then Dave. “I'm pretty sure you can handle the music since you're the one who has the turntables” 

You like the way he writes your name. It looks better in his handwriting. 

“You know it man, I've got this in the bag” 

“We can alchemize some decorations together...” He scribbles that down and taps his pencil to his lips. And now you're looking at his lips. 

Why are you so fucking gay recently? This is bad. Bro would- 

Bro is _dead._

But still, you're straight. This is weird. _Fuck_ hormones. 

“Dave?” He snaps his fingers in front of your face and you jokingly try to bite them. You need to stop zoning on him. 

“Sorry dude, I'm alive, I swear” 

He doesn't say anything, just scribbles more things down in his plan. 

You berate yourself for paying way too much attention to his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WERE ALMOST TO THE END OF ACT TWO! 
> 
> In like... Two... Three more chapters???
> 
> So yeah! We're winding up to the grand finale!
> 
> You'll be worried about the characters and the impact of their actions and then.... INTERMISSION. 
> 
> Seriously, why are you guys still reading this? Only homestuck fans would put up with this...
> 
> As always, thank you for reading my swill!!


	53. Oh well isn't that sweeeeeeeeet????????

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo on board “LISTEN THE FUCK UP” 

arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo 

AG: HA! Karkat, are you tryyyyyyyying your cute little ranty grey text fuck ups again???????? 

CG: VRISKA, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BLOCK YOU AND YOU'LL HAVE TO WATCH OVER TEREZI’S SHOULDER AS SHE READS THIS VERY IMPORTANT MEMO. 

AG: Awwwwwwww you're just pissed 8ecause you didn't get the first word!!!!!!!! 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG] from responding to memo 

gallowsCallibrator [GC] responded to memo 

GC: That wasn't very nice Karkat!!!!!!!! 

GC: DO YOU S33 WH4T YOUV3 DON3?? 

GC: NOW YOUV3 M4D3 TH3 M3MO N33DL3SSLY CONFUS1NG 

CG: BOO FUCKING HOO. 

tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo 

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo 

TG: sorry im late 

TG: whoa shit 

TG: karkat already made the memo a shit storm?? 

TG: i literally just went to get my laptop 

TG: leave you guys alone for five minutes and suddenly shits needlessly complicated 

TT: I agree with this sentiment. 

CG: LET ME INTERCEPT THIS AND SUM UP FOR YOU HOW THIS CONVERSATION WOULD PLAY OUT, JUST TO SAVE TIME. 

CG: BLAH BLAH BLAH COMPLICATED BLAH BLAH BLAH HUMANS ARE CHILLER BLAH BLAH BLAH OH YOU SILLY TROLLS AND YOUR ANTICS BLAH BLAH BLAH. 

CG: AND IN THE MIDST OF ALL OF THAT: 

CG: ROSE SAYS SEVERAL PRETENTIOUS ASS THINGS. 

CG: AND DAVE SAYS SEVERAL STUPID THINGS THAT MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE ALLUDING TO HUMAN POP CULTURE. 

CG: THE END. 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo 

GA: ... 

GA: Seriously? 

CG: _I_ AGREE WITH _THIS_ SENTIMENT. 

TT: I believe she was referring to your behavior. 

GC: 4ND HOW YOU TOT4LLY M4D3 4 COMPL3T3 SH1T STORM R1GHT OUT OF TH3 G4T3 

GC: whaaaaaaaat???????? Karkat fucked up???????? And this is a surprise???????? 

TG: hey you could stand to tone your shit down a little 

TG: you're obviously really bitter and it's kind of pathetic 

GC: Oh well isn't that sweeeeeeeet???????? 

GC: You're standing up for your little matesprit! 

GC: I can see why you pity him considering all his flaws and pro8lems, 8ut I like my pitym8s a little less a8solute 8ottom of the 8arrel as far as value to the team. 

CG: ALRIGHT. 

CG: ALLOW ME TO SAY THIS FOR THE HUNDREDTH FUCKING TIME. 

CG: DAVE AND I. 

CG: ARE NOT. 

CG: IN ANY QUADRANTS. 

CG: YOU NOSY ASSUMPTION MAKING FUCKSTICK. 

CG: NOW TEREZI. I EXPECT YOU TO KEEP YOUR GOD DAMN MOIRAIL IN CONTROL AND OUT OF THE MEMO OR I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL BLOCK YOUR ASS TOO. 

GC: SH3S T4K1NG 4 T1M3OUT 

GC: SORRY 4BOUT TH4T 

CG: IT'S FINE. 

GA: If That Is All Over With And No One Wishes To Air Anymore Grievances 

GA: Karkat I Believe You Had Something To Say 

CG: YEAH. 

CG: WELL I FIGURED SINCE WE DID SOMETHING LAST YEAR, WE COULD TRY IT AGAIN. 

CG: YOU'RE ALL INVITED, AS LONG AS YOU CAN FUCKING BEHAVE. 

CG: DAVE AND I ARE PLANNING IT. 

CG: LET US KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ARE FAR AS THE PARTY GOES, BUT WE’VE MAINLY GOT IT FIGURED OUT. 

TT: Is it to be held on the anniversary? 

CG: YES. 

GA: We Will Most Definitely Be There 

GC: 1 W1LL 4LSO B3 GO1NG 

GC: 4S F4R 4S VR1SK4 1S CONC3RN3D 

GC: 1LL T4LK TO H3R 

CG: THANK YOU. 

TG: see yall there then i guess 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased responding to memo 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased responding to memo 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased responding to memo 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased responding to memo 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased responding to memo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck this was a bitch to format.
> 
> I hope you enjoy my swill!! What's this?? Actual updates that are close to each other... We haven't had that from me in a while. Ah well.


	54. Of Dragon Dresses and Grub Sauce

You stick another streamer to the high ceiling and float back down to grab more of the decorations Karkat insisted on. You already taped dark purple colored plastic to the lights to create a black light effect. You gotta hand it to Karkat though, glow in the dark streamers look fucking awesome in this lighting. 

You dragged your turntables in here if you wanna fuck with the sound and alchemized some semi-decent speakers to broadcast your amazing sound. There was a little part of you that wanted to be a DJ when you were ten, so the sight of your turntables on a decked out table ready for your manipulation is making you a little more satisfied than you should be. 

Karkat brought in practically all the couches on the meteor (except your couch, you don't want it getting all fucked up or stolen by certain people). He's currently busying himself with last minute details and worrying before the start of the party. 

You gotta admit that you two did a pretty killer job. You've got the music, places to chill, a dance floor cleared out, and awesome fucking food to eat. You mostly handled that part, although Karkat insisted on having some of his weird bug food because aliens are the majority on the meteor blah blah blah. 

You fly upside down and put your hands on Karkat's shoulders, “flipping” down in front of him. 

“Stop freaking out. It's perfect. We're done.” You say. 

He frowns at you and pokes you in the chest with his index finger “None of your demented flight antics while I'm stressed.” 

You brush his finger off and flick his forehead “Stop. Worrying. About. Everything.” 

“No. Fuck off. I do what I want.” 

You shrug and jog over to your system to start your playlist. You had Karkat listen to it for his approval. He insisted that it was only mediocre but you saw him tapping his foot. And as mentioned before he sucks at hiding his emotions, but a newly discovered fact about Karkat is that he especially sucks at it when he likes a song. You can see all the emotions of the song play out on his face and it's the _best._

He's too much of a worried nerd for that right now though. 

Terezi and Vriska are the first to arrive and Terezi immediately tackles Karkat with a hug. You grin. That's just what he needs right now, Terezi's abundant energy to remind him it's a fucking party. Vriska gives you a smirk but says nothing. You don't give her the satisfaction of a reaction. You guess Terezi really has her under control if she's not going off on you about Karkat. 

She reminds you a little too much of Bro. 

You almost jump out of your skin when Terezi slings an arm around your shoulders while you're lost in thought. 

“You two really fixed up the place, huh Dave?” She smiles at you with all of her exquisitely sharp teeth. 

“It's a fucking talent being this fucking talented. I should get a trophy or someshit” 

“I dub thee, Sir Strider, Knight of Raves!” She curtsies and you smile at her. She's wearing a red dress with a dragon hoodie. You can tell Kanaya had at least some part in making it because it definitely has her elegant touch. 

You give Vriska a glance and see that she's wearing a similarly elegant spiderweb patterned blue top and what appear to be leather pants. You guess you shouldn't have expected anything less from Kanaya. Hell, even Karkat’s wearing a black button up instead of his usual ridiculous sweater. He's still wearing jeans though because he's stubborn as fuck. You don't doubt that Kanaya probably had something to do with his wardrobe change. 

It fits him better to say the least. You're just wearing a t-shirt under a blazer, because you're classy like that. Also pants. Those too. See? You don't need any Vampire Fashion Queen help. 

“Nice threads” you comment. 

Terezi cackles “we match, strawberry shirt” 

“Dude, you are way too into the color red” 

“Well it's the best tasting! Also it freaks you out, so therefore I absolutely must lay it on as thick as possible” 

“Wow, thanks Tez” 

“Don't mention it” 

“Karkat you look wonderful!” Kanaya calls from the doorway. She and Rose, of course, are decked the fuck out. Rose in a short, but simple and delicate orange dress, and Kanaya in a slinky green dress with slits a little too high for your sister’s girlfriend. I mean, she can wear whatever and if you said anything she'd probably slice you in half, but you probably shouldn't be looking at Rose’s girl like that. 

Wait. This.... Is good. This is good. Solid proof. You're not gay, no matter how much better Karkat looks in that shirt as opposed to his sweater. You were just checking out Kanaya. Relief surges through you. 

It doesn't mean anything. You just have an appreciation for what looks good on people and good looking people. Because you'd have to be blind to say that Karkat isn't attractive. You just aren't... You know, _attracted_ to him. 

Yeah. 

Rose saunters up to you while Kanaya is busy fussing over a red faced Karkat, which is adorable. Apparently she had nothing to do with his new shirt. Good for him. Terezi gives Rose a wink before bounding off to entertain Vriska. 

“Dave, how many times must I remind you to stop ogling my girlfriend?” Her thin mouth is turned up just enough to let you know that she's not actually mad. 

“What can I say? You snagged yourself a tall glass of water, Lalonde” you shrug. Rose’s smile spreads wider. 

“So I did. I assume that the music tonight is your doing?” 

“DJ Stride at your service” you bow sarcastically. 

“Well, Mr. Strider, my I have this dance?” She bows back to you, holding out her hand. 

“Why Madame Lalonde, this is all so sudden. So forward. Count me in” you take her hand and curtsy. 

She laughs softly and grabs your other hand, moving to the beat. You grin as you dance with your sister, twirling her around. You could stay like this. You like this. Maybe this rock isn't so bad. In moments like these at least. You feel content. 

After a while of dancing like a fucking idiot to make Rose laugh, Kanaya taps your shoulder. “May I cut in?” 

“I dunno, you a stand up gal? No run of the mill shmuck is gonna lay her hands on my sister” you puff out your chest in a way only cops in movies about wrong side of the tracks good guy outlaws think is intimidating. 

Rose smacks your arm and grabs Kanaya’s hand, kissing it delicately, but still getting a little lipstick on it. 

“Now, now, David. Down boy.” She chides, gliding away with her smiling girlfriend. 

You roll your eyes, not even bothering to correct her. She's taken to calling you David lately and you would be angry about it except nothing you do will get her to stop anyways. You've accepted your defeat. 

You guess it's kind of nice that she has a sibling thing to call you. 

You _guess._

Karkat nudges your shoulder with his and you smile at him. He's carrying a paper plate loaded with bug chip things and weird alien sauce that you refuse to eat. “They look really happy, don't they?” He looks at Rose and Kanaya with a dreamy glint to his eyes. 

“Yeah maybe. I mean, as far as the groups we all somehow became combined in go, they're probably the most tolerable. We got them, elegant badass ladies, then us, bitter assholes, then.... Whatever the fuck that is” you gesture towards Terezi and Vriska who are laughing and dancing/fighting/role playing/miscellaneous bullshit. 

Karkat laughs, but he's still got the weird far away thing in his eyes. He's been getting like that more often lately. 

“Hey, I think I left one of the thumb drives with a playlist on it in my room. Wanna come get it with me?” You elbow him gently and he comes back to you. 

“Yeah sure” he smiles and follows you out the door, still a little off. 

“So you feeling good about our party planning skills still man?” You try to strike up conversation. 

“Well we've managed not to have any dramatics so far, and nothing's on fire so I say we did pretty damn well for ourselves. Plus the food's good” he munches on a chip as he says so. 

You laugh “Nah, your gross bug food and unsettlingly colored dipping sauce is the worst thing about this shindig” 

“Fuck off” he flicks your cheek. 

“Whatever man, not my fault that your species-” you're abruptly cut off by a loud honk and your sword falls into your hands. 

“Fucking Gamzee leaving these stupid bulge twisting nuisances all over the god damn meteor” Karkat mumbles angrily from the floor. You look down to find him with troll sauce down his front and a bicycle horn by his feet. You put your sword back. 

“Shit dude” you offer him a hand and help him up “you're a fucking mess” 

“Thank you for pointing that out Dave. I never would've figured it out if not for you. What would I do without your guidance?” 

“Calm down prissy pants. Let's get you cleaned up. If it's beyond hope you can wear one of my shirts.” 

“How do you know I don't have more nice shirts to wear?” His chin is tilted upward defensively. 

You just raise an eyebrow and wait. 

“Yeah, okay, I don't, but you didn't know that!” 

You just give him a little shove towards the nearest restroom and open the door for him. He walks in and grabs a towel, putting it under the sink and getting it wet. You follow suit and try your best to help him. It's really not working. 

“Dave? I think I'm gonna have to borrow your shirt.” 

You look up at him and realize he got a little sauce on his cheek. You wipe it off automatically with the towel. And his expression changes. 

He's staring at your lips. 

Suddenly you're aware that there are mere inches of space between you and did the room get hotter or is it just your face? 

He really does look good in that shirt and now it's wet and clinging to him in a way that totally shouldn't be attractive. But it is. 

Fuck. He's still staring at your lips. You glance down at his lips. They're full and a little chapped from his stupid oversized teeth dragging over them. 

Your mind has taken a backseat at this point and you don't really know what you're doing or what this all will mean or how much this'll bite you in the ass later. But you do know that Karkat is here, in front of you, so close and wanting to kiss you. 

So you close the distance. 

He makes a small surprised grunt before he starts kissing you. You've dropped the towel at your feet and your hands hold his shoulders as your lips move of their own accord with his. Then his hands are in your hair. Fuck, how do you even do this? You're really just following his lead. 

You don't know how this feels for him but for you it's electric. Adrenaline runs through your veins as you learn how to kiss for the first time, how it feels to have someone hold you close like this for the first time. 

You bet Karkat is winging it too. All this is probably just what he learned watching rom coms. The nerd. 

Still, you do kinda feel like a little bitch trying desperately to keep up with him. You're falling down on your Strider charms, Bro would be- 

_Bro._

Fuck. _Fuck fuck fuck._ You're kissing Karkat. _Karkat._ Your best friend. He's a guy. You can't do this. This shouldn't feel right. It's wrong. You're not- 

Are you gay? It would make sense wouldn't it? The bitter reality of your one last failure to be the man you were raised to be. You're a failure. You're a failure. You're fucking- 

“Dave? Hey, are you okay?” Karkat isn't kissing you anymore. When did he stop? Why the fuck are you disappointed? God this is so wrong. You fucking failed. 

“Was that... We can stop. We don't have to kiss anymore, or even talk about it. Shit I'm sorry. I fucked up. Let's just forget about it.” Karkat is drawing back inside himself and showing less and less of his emotions on his face. 

No no no _no no no._

You hurt him. He doesn't want you anymore. You even fucked up at fucking up. What the hell is wrong with you? Oh god he's putting up that wall again. Emotionless facade. Controlled. Stoic. 

You need to get out of here. 

You're halfway down the hall and making a break for the nearest transportalizer before Karkat can completely disappear from you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if I'm happy with this or not but I finished it and I'm posting it so there!!!
> 
> This marks the end of act two my friends. It's been a wonderful journey of angst. I hope this was pay off enough for all of my bullshit that you had to wade through for one fucking kiss. 
> 
> The poor kids are so damaged. 
> 
> As always and most especially so now, two thirds of the way through this monumental project, thank you for reading my swill.
> 
> I love you all and your comments and support have meant the world to me and kept me writing even through tough times. I couldn't ask for a better audience.


	55. -End of Act Two-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**-END OF ACT TWO-**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight so sorry for you guys who freaked and thought this was a three chapter update. Lol I'm not that nice.


	56. -Intermission-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**-INTERMISSION-**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	57. ===>

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

TT: Hello. 

TG: hey rose 

TG: sup 

TG: hows it hangin 

TG: if the “it” is in fact hanging at all 

TG: which it very well may not be 

TT: “It,” as you say, refuses to hang. In fact, “it” is stubbornly face down and spread eagle on the ground. You would need to put to use a tool of extreme strength to break the soil beneath “it” from “its” ungodly clutches. 

TG: like a crowbar 

TG: or maybe those pump operated pushy upy things for cars and shit 

TG: that expand and lift heavy ass shit 

TT: A jack? 

TG: thats the one 

TT: I'll be sure to take that into consideration when I deal with “its” cantankerous nature. 

TG: aw man 

TG: cantankerous 

TG: pulling out those wordsmithing gloves on me 

TT: Yes, one could draw the conclusion, and rightfully so, that I “slay.” 

TG: you do indeed miss lalonde 

TG: you do indeed 

TT: I do have my moments of weakness, however. 

TT: When I can be prone to indulge in the subtle art of, how did you put it oh so long ago? 

TT: Snarky broad horseshit, I believe it was. 

TG: you remembered my comeback 

TG: sibling goals right there 

TT: Yes. The point that I was trying to make is if I may have been a bit too snarky at times, say a certain get together involving vindictive psychological backstab games, that was not my intention. 

TG: ah 

TG: well i mean 

TG: its not like anything really went down 

TG: so it aint no thang 

TG: anyways i gotta bounce 

TG: places to fuck around people to bother 

TT: I'm sure it's quite pressing. 

TG: the most pressing 

TG: im fucking flat as a pancake under all this goddamn press 

TT: Were you not always flat as a pancake? 

TG: hey man not the ass 

TG: dont talk about my ass that way 

TG: you know im sensitive 

TT: Farewell, brother. 

TG: back at ya 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More strilonde sibling interactions because I have a fucking problem
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill.


	58. ====>

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

TT: Daev? 

TG: whoa lalonde did you actually make a typo 

TG: this is a fucking historical moment 

TT: suddup 

TT: Dave , i ned to ask u somthing 

TT: r u ok???/?//?? 

TG: rose... 

TG: this isnt funny anymore 

TG: cut the shit 

TT: daye youve bin walkin round with a sword in ur hand for daees 

TT: u seem rlly anxi 

TT: angi 

TT: ainti 

TT: on edge 

TG: im fine 

TG: rose where are you now 

TG: does kanaya know where you are 

TT: UR NIT FINE 

TG: okay yeah sure 

TG: i have a fucking tragic past that makes me incapable of regular function 

TG: happy? 

TG: now where the fuck are you? 

TT: Dave It Is Kanaya I Have Found Her 

TT: I Am Sorry I Was Not Paying As Close Attention To Her As I Should Have 

TG: dude dont worry about it 

TG: im a shit brother i havent even seen her in person for more than a few minutes in like a week 

TG: do you know what the fuck is wrong with her?? 

TT: She Appears To Have Consumed Some Of Your Human Soporific 

TT: Vriska Alerted Me To Her Location And Is Currently Searching For Where She May Be Hiding Any More Of It 

TG: okay 

TG: okay yeah thanks 

TT: Is There Anything I Can Do For Her Now 

TG: just uh 

TG: take her to her room 

TG: give her something to puke in 

TG: and be ready with an ice pack in the morning 

TG: shell be fine tho 

TG: like this wont kill her or anything serious like that 

TG: but yeah making sure she doesnt make a habit of this shit is good 

TT: Alright 

TT: I Shall Get To It Then 

TT: Thank You Dave 

TG: yeah uh take care of her 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would have taken place somewhere between the fiasco with Karkat blocking Dave and the hand over your weapon shit, and Dave becoming a recluse because he's a child who can't handle his emotions.
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!


	59. =====>

tentacleTherapist [TT]  began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

TT: Hey... 

TG: hey 

TT: So I'm fine now. If you were wondering. I'm sorry that I... 

TT: Just 

TT: Lost my shit. 

TG: yeah well 

TG: we all have our moments 

TG: and hey 

TG: sorry for not like 

TG: visiting and stuff 

TG: i mean i was worried about you but i just 

TT: Got caught up in your own problems? 

TT: Me too, Dave. 

TT: Fuck, it took me getting myself completely intoxicated to get the hell over myself and contact you for information pertaining to why you were wound up tighter than a spring ever since the stupid anniversary party. 

TG: youre not doing that a lot right 

TG: the getting shitfaced i mean 

TT: That was among the first times. Vriska took it upon herself to be sure I am not enabled. 

TT: So. How are you? 

TG: im pretty okay 

TT: Dave. How are you? 

TG: ... 

TG: i may have had a bit of a tussle with karkat 

TT: And the excessive weaponry? 

TG: dont you ever feel a little fucking safer with your needles in your hand??? 

TT: Not particularly, but I suppose my situation is a unique one. 

TG: ... 

TT: Alright well. Best of luck to you then. Try not to starve to death. 

TG: you too 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmmmm more strilondes
> 
>  
> 
> Yadah yadah swill.


	60. ======>

gallowsCallibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

GC: H3Y D4V3!! 

GC: WH4TS H4PP3N1NG 1N YOUR FR34KY HUM4N BR41N 

GC: … 

GC: OK4Y 

GC: D4V3?? 

GC: JUST S3ND SOM3TH1NG TO 4FF1RM TH4T YOUR3 4L1V3 FOR M3 R34L QU1CK TH3N 1LL L34V3 YOU 4LON3 

GC: … 

gallowsCallibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

TT: Dave? 

TT: Terezi has informed me you're not answering her messages. 

TT: I understand that you probably don't appreciate me bothering you about this, let alone both of us bothering you constantly. 

TT: But it's not with malice. 

TT: Please just send something. 

TT: Dave. 

TT: I'm coming over. 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

AG: I hope you know that you're freaking my moirail the fuck out!!!!!!!! 

AG: 8nd that it m8kes you a selfish f8cking 8SSH8LE!!!!!!!! 

AG: ST8P FEELING S8 F8CKING S8RRY F8R Y8URSELF TH8T Y8U C8NT B8THER T8 T8LK T8 THE PE8PLE WH8 C8RE A8OUT Y8UR S8RRY 8SS!!!!!!!! 

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alllllllllllll the logs from when Dave stopped answering. Enjoy the freak outs.


	61. =======>

turntechGodhead [TG] begins pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

TG: ... 

TT: I know, Dave. 

TG: okay 

TT: Just don't ever fucking do that to me again. 

TG: alright 

TT: So you and Karkat are okay? 

TG: yeah mostly 

TT: Good. 

TG: fuck im sorry 

TG: im an asshole 

TT: I know you are. 

TG: wait 

TG: sorry or an asshole 

TT: Both. 

TG: ah 

TT: I'll be in touch later, Dave. Have fun with Karkat. 

TG: shit im really sorry 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCallibrator [GC] 

TG: hey 

GC: AR3 YOU OK4Y NOW?? 

TG: yeah im chill 

TG: we worked it out 

GC: GOOD 

TG: im sorry tez 

TG: im the biggest douche that ever did douche 

GC: 1TS F1N3 

GC: SOM3T1M3S YOU N33D TO B3 4LON3 

GC: TH4TS TOT4LLY R34SON4BL3 

GC: JUST 1NDULG3 M3 4 L1TTL3 N3XT T1M3 4ND CH3CK 1N 3V3RY ONC3 4ND 4 WH1L3 

TG: sure thing 

TG: absolutely 

GC: 4LR1GHT TH3N W3R3 SQU4R3 COOLK1D 

TG: thank god 

TG: what would i do without your wisdom 

GC: YOUD B3 COMPL3T3LY FUCK1NG LOST W1THOUT M3 D4V3 

TG: true 

GC: NOW GO P4Y 4TT3NT1ON TO K4RK4T 

GC: H3 M4Y 3XPLOD3 1F YOUR3 NOT C4R3FUL 

gallowsCallibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update!!!
> 
> Aftermath!!!


	62. ========>

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

TG: hey kan 

TG: whats been up with you 

GA: Up? 

GA: Well I Suppose You Could Find That The Ceiling Is In Fact Up 

TG: youre a laugh riot maryam 

GA: So I Did It Right? 

TG: nailed it 

GA: I Am Glad To Have Bludgeoned Your Humor With A Hammer 

TG: aw yeah tap dat 

GA: I Have The Distinct Feeling That We Are Heading Into A Pop Culture Discussion And As Much As I Completely Do Not Enjoy Those Rather Confusing Conversations 

GA: Did You Contact Me With A Specific Intent Or Are You Simply Desiring To Chat 

TG: well i mean 

TG: i am kinda curious about something 

TG: but its really personal 

TG: so i was planning to be real smooth about it 

GA: Oh My 

GA: The Dave Strider 

GA: Laying Out His Smooth Moves Upon My Person 

GA: Why Ever Did I Interrupt You 

TG: i see youve also nailed sarcasm 

GA: I Appreciate Your Flattery Dave 

TG: aight so ill just ask then 

TG: how did you and rose like 

TG: actually get together 

GA: Hm 

GA: Quite A Personal Question 

GA: Now I Am Curious To Know How You Would Have Worked That Into One Of Your Endless Tangents 

TG: should i have gone with the smooth option 

GA: Maybe 

GA: But To Save The Both Of Us Ample Time I Shall Summarize 

GA: I... Confessed My Feelings To Her 

GA: In An Embarrassingly Fumbling Way That In No Way Does Her Elegance Justice 

GA: Goodness Now You Have Me Rambling 

GA: Oh How The Tables Have Turned 

GA: Uh 

GA: Well She Communicated Her Matching Feelings To Me And We Set A Date 

GA: That Is All There Is To It 

TG: huh 

TG: cute 

GA: If I May Ask 

GA: Why The Curiousity 

TG: well rose never tells me shit so i guess i was just wondering cause like you guys seem pretty okay damn near constantly 

GA: Yes Well 

GA: Not Particularly Constantly At The Moment 

TG: ... 

TG: is she drinking again? 

GA: No 

GA: I Can Assure You Of That 

TG: aight whats up then 

GA: This Is In Strict Confidence Dave 

GA: I Am Only Telling You This Because Although I Do Not Understand The Human Connection You Have I Do Know That Being Siblings Is Important To Both Of You 

GA: She... 

GA: Has Taken To Talking To Vriska About The End Game Plans 

GA: The Final Battle And Such 

GA: All She Really Does These Days Is Scrawl “Important Plans” In Her Book With Vriska 

GA: I Have Taken To Spending Quite A Bit Of Time With Terezi Lately 

GA: This Would Be Fine If It Were Not For The Intensity And Frequency Of Her Interest 

TG: yeah she tends to get sucked up in shit like that 

TG: i can um 

TG: ive got this dont worry 

GA: Okay... 

GA: Just Try Not To Upset Her 

TG: can do 

TG: see ya naya 

GA: Goodbye Dave 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering grimAuxziliatrix [GA]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triple Update!!!! 
> 
> On a roll
> 
> Thanks for reading my swill guys
> 
> Writing Dave and Kanaya was weird and fun. I love their friendship.


	63. =========>

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCallibrator [GC] 

TG: hey uh... 

TG: can i ask you a weird question 

GC: W3LL TH4TS 4 M4G1C4L W4Y TO ST4RT 4 CONV3RS4T1ON 

GC: BUT YOU 4R3NT R34LLY MY TYP3 D4V3 

TG: bullshit 

TG: im completely your type 

GC: V3RY TRU3 

GC: >:] 

GC: > :] 

GC: >:] 

TG: speaking of your type 

TG: here comes the weird question 

TG: drumroll please 

GC: *4GR3SS1V3LY B34TS DRUM* 

TG: was karkat always so infuriatingly calm exactly when you want him not to be 

GC: W3LL W3LL 

GC: TH4T 1S 4 W31RD QU3ST1ON 

TG: yeah well 

GC: D4V3 

GC: TH3 TH1NG YOU H4V3 TO KNOW 4BOUT K4RK4T 1S H3 DO3SNT M34N TO B3 4 D1FF1CULT FUCK 4BOUT 3V3RYTH1NG 

GC: 4ND H3 TR13S H1S B3ST TO B3 TH3 L34ST 4MOUNT OF 4N 1NCONV3N13NC3 TO P3OPL3 H3 G1V3S 4 SH1T 4BOUT 4S POSS1BL3 1N H1S OWN W4Y 

GC: OF COURS3 TH1S 3XCLUD3S WH3N H3 F33LS H3 N33DS TO PUT UP 4 FRONT TO PROT3CT H1MS3LF 

GC: BUT SOM3T1M3S 

GC: JUST SOM3T1M3S 

GC: H3 M1GHT L3T YOU 1N 4 L1TTL3 

TG: ... 

GC: B3 N1C3 TO H1M FOR M3 

GC: OK4Y? 

TG: yeah okay 

GC: 1 H4V3 TO GO PR3TTY SOON D4V3 

GC: BUT JUST OUT OF CUR1OUS1TY 

GC: WH4T WOULD YOU D3SCR1B3 MY “TYP3” 4S 

GC: >;? 

TG: that was certainly a face 

TG: uh... 

TG: knights i guess 

TG: idk how would you describe it 

GC: STUBBORN 4SSHOL3S WHO C4NT T3LL YOU 4NYTH1NG S1NC3R3 4ND D1R3CT UNT1L YOU L1T3R4LLY PRY 1T FROM TH31R T1GHT L1PP3D SQU4WK BL1ST3RS 

TG: same thing 

GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4 

GC: Y3S 1T 1S >:] 

GC: BY3 D4V3 

TG: bye rez 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terezi is awesome
> 
> Also a little self depricating knight bashing from yours truly, a knight of blood (and yes that's actually my god tier I'm literally Karkat it's fucking ridiculous)
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill.


	64. ==========>

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

CG: DAVE, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, IF YOU DON'T HAVE THOSE FUCKING DECORATIONS HERE WITHIN FIVE SHIT SPLITTING MINUTES I WILL RIP YOUR GANDER BULBS OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS AND USE THEM AS FUCKING PAPER WEIGHTS. 

TG: you say the sweetest things 

CG: DAVE, IT IS LITERALLY AN HOUR BEFORE THE PARTY THAT, NEED I REMIND YOU, THE TWO OF US ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HOSTING. 

CG: SO IF YOU'RE FUCKING “TWEAKING” YOUR PLAYLISTS AGAIN YOU BETTER CUT IT THE FUCK OUT AND GET YOUR SORRY ASS BACK HERE TO MAKE ITS LONG ANTICIPATED ACQUAINTANCE WITH MY FROND! 

TG: sounds kinda gay dude 

CG: DAVE FUCKING STRIDER. 

TG: oh shit 

TG: full naming me 

TG: didnt know it was this dire 

TG: just lemme add two more songs 

TG: ... 

TG: okay wait i lied 

TG: five more 

CG: I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU ALL OF SIXTY SECONDS TO BE STANDING IN FRONT OF ME, DECORATIONS AND NEWLY UPDATED PLAYLIST IN HAND. 

CG: SIXTY. 

TG: whoa wait are you actually counting 

CG: FIFTY-NINE. 

TG: fuck okay okay dude chill 

CG: FIFTY-EIGHT. 

TG: im coming im coming jesus christ 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is probably the last intermission chapter because I'm fucking weak and I can't troll you as long as hussie does.
> 
> Like I know the last one was 12 but FUCK IT
> 
> THIS ONES 8
> 
> IN HONOR OF VRISKA!
> 
> Anyways those blogs I've been scheming about:
> 
> Knights: http://knightsstuck.tumblr.com
> 
> Blood: http://bloodplayerstuck.tumblr.com
> 
> All: http://classpectstuck.tumblr.com
> 
> My friend also opened some blogs as witch of space
> 
> Witch: http://witchesstuck.tumblr.com
> 
> Space: http://spaceplayerstuck.tumblr.com
> 
> All of these blogs are open discussion to anyone despite godtier


	65. -Act Three-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**-ACT THREE-**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be switching POV for act three a bunch so bear with me idk


	66. In Which Kanaya Has Had Enough

Your name is Karkat Vantas and holy shit you fucked up so bad. He just shut down. Just like that. Right in front of your eyes it's like one minute you were _kissing_ Dave Strider and you were over both fucking moons, and the next you were mashing your lips against a mannequin. He didn't come back after you stopped lip mashing either. God lip mashing, you're an idiot. 

Well, you guess he came back. If only to give you a fucking horrified look and abscond the fuck out of there. _Was it really that bad?_

Probably. Though he seemed like he was enjoying it up until... Maybe he realized how much of a mistake it was? 

No. You're a narcissistic fuck. Not everything's about you, Karkat. Well, it's probably about you. But not in the you-centric way. 

Fuck, you need Kanaya. You don’t even care about the quadrant implications anymore. You just kissed your best friend/flush crush/pale crush/black crush/what even the fuck?? You need Kanaya. 

You pull out your crab phone. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

CG: HEY UH. 

CG: SO. 

CG: PROBLEM. 

CG: VERY BIG PROBLEM. 

CG: NO ONE’S PHYSICALLY HURT. 

CG: JUST UH. 

CG: THINK I FUCKED UP WITH DAVE POSSIBLY FOREVER?

Fuck what do you do? Stare at your phone for a few minutes before glancing around, at a loss. You just need something to do with your hands so you're not so focused on the pit in your stomach the size of the Condescention’s fucking hair. You pick up the towels the both of you had abandoned on the floor. Shit, you're still uncomfortably wet and sticky. You need a shirt. You don't have one in your sylladex. 

Your phone dings. 

GA: Where Are You 

CG: IN THE ABLUTION BLOCK. 

CG: NEAREST ONE DOWN THE HALL. 

CG: TO THE RIGHT. 

GA: Stay Safe 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Kanaya is there within moments. You realized you never complimented her on her dress. She sits down next to you. Since when did you sit down? Probably for the best that you did though. There's a thrumming in your chest that makes you wanna scream. You feel like you're gonna throw up. 

“Karkat?” 

“He uh. We were going to get something from his block. Then I spilled shit on myself. We tried to clean it off with the towels. And he was so close. And he just leaned in and I was so happy even though I shouldn't be because what the fuck was that he was just taking care of me. Cleaning me for god's sake! You can't get any paler than that. And I didn't even think about the consequences of what that would mean for us because I'm gonna die. I know I'm gonna die Kanaya. I don't want to make it any worse for him. I'm already making it worse for him but I had to go and-” 

“Karkat. Take a breath, okay? Look at me.” She gently wipes tears from your eyes— you're crying now too?— and fusses with your hair. 

You nod shakily, looking up at her. Shit, she's so concerned. Look what you did. Now you're pale teasing her. 

“What happened after you kissed?” She prompts. 

“He just. Shut off? He froze. Then I pulled away. And I tried to tell him that it didn't even matter because obviously he realized what he was doing and regretted it because he knows that I'm not worth it. Which is perfectly reasonable. And I told him we could just forget. Be friends. Like before. And I don't know what happened but the more I talked the more he started looking at me like I had killed all his friends. Then he just. Ran.” You feel empty. Like now that you've gotten that all out the buzzing in your chest stopped and your entire emotional state just dropped through the floor. 

She pulls you towards her and you let yourself crumple against her. Her hands are in your hair as soon as your face finds home in her shoulder. She cards through your hair soothingly until you can feel a much more pleasant buzzing in your chest begin. You're purring. You can't find it in yourself to care or be embarrassed by this blatantly intimate pale gesture. You needed this too much. 

You relax completely into her hold and let her whisper kind words to you in Alternian. Despite it all, you miss your old language. 

“You are not going to die.” she says after a while. 

“You don’t know that” 

“Yes. I do” 

“How?” 

“Because I will not let you. You are not allowed” 

You laugh wetly into her shoulder. “What if I’m a rebel?” 

“You know if I cannot save you then Dave will. He is a time player. He will make sure we all come out alive” 

“What about the timeline?” 

“Fuck the timeline.” 

“Easy for you to say” 

“Forgive me, for I do not mean to be blunt, but John has strange time powers that he has already used to make sure we all survive. Who is to say he cannot do it again? So, in the most polite way possible, I am going to have to insist that you remove your head from your waste chute and realize that everyone cares about you, and you are not going to die, because frankly no one is going to be okay with that.” 

You're silent for a while. So long that she decides she doesn't need an answer out of you just yet. 

“And another thing, you are under the distinctly wrong impression that you are somehow not worth his time as a romantic interest. You are the most dedicated person I have ever met and anyone would consider themselves quite fortunate to have you in any quadrant you so choose, or I will personally talk some sense into them with my lipstick.” 

You start breathing regularly again. You know now why she’s placating you so bluntly. You don’t think you’d be able to handle all of this at once, and allow its logic to sink in as true without her consistent hands in your hair and her cool skin against yours. 

“Lastly, if you were having quadrant blurring issues, why did you not come talk to me? Especially considering the object of your affections is human. I am currently in an interspecies relationship, if you have not forgotten.” 

“For that exact reason. If I’m having quadrant blurring issues, my pathetically obvious pale crush on you would’ve only complicated matters much worse than they already were. And they were already needlessly fucking complicated” You don’t really know why you just confessed to her. Maybe it felt right in the moment or something. It’s not like she didn’t know already. She’s not a fucking moron. 

“Karkat. Do you not think Rose blurs quadrants as well? Has that appeared to have stopped myself from having pale feelings for you?” 

So you guess she’s not just doing this out of the kindness of her bloodpusher. Good to know. 

She sighs “As far as you and me are concerned, we can talk about it at a later hour. As for you and Dave, have you ever considered being in a relationship with a human means quite a lot of quadrant flipping because of the nature of their singular romance?” 

“Do you think... That’s even possible for me? Isn’t that supposed to be bad? Kanaya, I did this shit with Terezi too, and it really fucked up our relationship. I’m lucky we’re even still friends.” 

“You have had quadrant problems with other trolls?” 

“Yeah...” 

“Well. I can say that my experience with Rose has led me to question many things. Humans have a concept that it is wrong, or unnatural to have romantic feelings for someone of the same gender as oneself, which to us may seem ludicrous, but it is a very serious issue to them. Rose, and you are not to repeat this, has spoken to me about her struggles with that ideology. And what I have gathered from that is many things that humans have been told since the beginning of their lives have been mere social constructs. This helped me to come to terms with a multi-quadrant relationship, as I have begun to view quadrants as more of a social construct than anything else. 

“So I would impart he advice to you, although it will not be easy, to take quadrants with a grain of seasoning mineral. I think it is quite alright for you to have conflicting feelings about others, and to have clean cut feelings at the same time. And I believe that as this is not the general consensus, to the best of my knowledge, to utilize communication about these ideas in your relationships. If that makes any sense to you?” 

You nod slowly “yeah that uh... I guess that makes sense” 

“Good. If you would like my opinion on Dave in particular at this moment, I will give it to you” 

“Yeah, sure” 

“I think he ought to talk to Rose. The only thing you can do for him is try to understand, even if you don’t, alright?” 

“Okay” 

“Now let's get you to your block, I think you’ve had enough excitement for now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELCOME BACK TO SUFFERING
> 
> aight so heres whats going down
> 
> its my kids wriggling day and to celebrate I'm leeching my popularity here into, my friend's ask blog about them kiddos in the new universe, assuming they all survived. 
> 
> im gonna be on as the shout master himself shortly after posting this so yeah
> 
> have at me 
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/askpoststuck
> 
> also as a side note for some blatant self promotion with no real excuse, I'm also on this blog as nepeta
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/askpixiestuck
> 
> so yeah
> 
> hmu
> 
> anyways as always thank you for reading my swill (and I'm thinking i may be able to finish this by its one year anniversary and move on to MORE davekat projects that i have in mind (because everything i do is about davekat))
> 
> also this will not automatically solve karkats problems in one go, just an fyi


	67. Pear Shaped

_Fuck._

_Fuck_ is all you have to say. 

Your name is Dave Strider and fuck fuck fucking _fuck._

_You're gay_. You've gotta be. There's no way that was just hormones or whatever the fuck else bullshit you've been feeding yourself. Oh god. You failed. You're so fucked up. Why are you so fucked up? 

This isn't normal. Bro... He would... 

Come _on_ Dave, be a man. What the fuck do you think you're doing, shaking and crying about your boyfriend like a weak ass sissy. 

You just need to. Never think about it. Ever again. And lock yourself in your room for the next year. You can survive alone for a year. You don't even need food. You'll just starve to death over and over and... 

This is pathetic. 

What if it's not your fault? What if Karkat is so attractive that you'd have to be insane not to want to bone him or something? 

Doesn't everyone have a crush on Karkat anyways? 

Haha. You bet even Rose wants some of that. 

You just uh... Couldn't control yourself. Yeah. 

Okay, these excuses are getting more and more bullshit ridden. 

Yeah, but what if it's true? You don't know. 

Dave, pick yourself up and accept it.

No. Fuck off. You'll just force straightness. You like girls. Guys are gross. Karkat? Who's Karkat?? 

Dave.

_NO._ SHUT UP. 

You can't just stop talking to him. Can you? No. Okay. So you'll just. 

Uh. 

Not be as close. Yeah. That happens to people anyways if they don't want to date and they... 

Dave.

_Look,_ I'm trying to process this, and if you could leave me alone for five fucking seconds I- 

“Dave!”

You almost jump out of your goddamn skin. 

“Dave Strider, you will speak to me this instant or I'm breaking down the door” Rose’s voice has a very thinly concealed underlying hysteria that makes you wonder how long you didn't hear her. 

“Go away” you shout, your voice is two octaves too high and shaking. God, you can't even speak right. 

“I'm coming in” 

“Rose, Jesus fucking-” 

“Clear the goddamn door Dave or I swear I will crush you” 

“Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, fucking hell!” You scramble to your feet and trip like the clumsy wreck you are. You almost fall on your face. Fucking sad excuse for a waste of space. 

You open the door a crack, enough for her to see that you're not dead. 

“Don't break down my door” 

She narrows her eyes at you and levels you with a state like she knows exactly what you're doing to yourself inside your head. Her wands are in her hands and she does not look like she's willing to deal with any bullshit. 

She shoves her hands into the crack in the doorway and forces her way inside, practically walking through both you and the door and poking you in the chest with her wand in the process. Well shit, now everything's gone absolutely pear shaped. 

“In future, when I knock on your door you will answer me the first time.” 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You're not my mom, Rose, I don't need you to baby sit me. And who said you were allowed in? Get the fuck out” 

“You're right. I'm not your mother. I'm your sister. And as your sister I reserve the right to know if you're alive or not at absolutely all fucking times. I am staying put. We are going to talk about whatever is bothering you.” 

“Oh we are? What even is this? I don't need a Dr. Drew intervention or whatever the fuck you think you're doing” 

“What if I think you're scaring the shit out of me!” 

You're silent. Rose has never sounded this messy. Even before the suicide mission on Derse. She was put together. Not... 

Scared. 

You're the biggest piece of shit in all of paradox space. 

“What happened between you and Karkat?” She still has a bit of tremor in her voice, but she just looks tired now. 

You have to tell her, or she'll wreck herself trying to find out. 

“We um... I kissed him” 

You let the silence hang in the air for a minute before looking up at her. Her expression is soft. Understanding. 

“And?” She prods gently. 

“He kissed back” 

“Then you ran away?” 

“Yeah. Basically.” 

She puts her magic needles away and smooths out her skirt, staring at her feet. 

“It's okay. To be uncomfortable with it. Now.” She says quietly. 

“I'm not gay, Rose.” The words are out of your mouth before you even think them. 

“So I suppose that kissing a boy is completely heterosexual of you. My apologies, did you declare the absence of homo afterwards because I'm sure that clears everything up” 

“I've just... Been stuck in this fucking place for too long. It's not my fault everyone's either a lesbian, my sister and a lesbian, a murderer, or Karkat! Really, I'm a growing boy with needs, what else was my mind to do? It doesn't mean anything.” 

“Oh, I see, so you're surrounded by people who are in your mindset, off limits, _including_ Karkat, so you just chose the lesser of two evils to develop a romantic attachment to? Wouldn't it have been much simpler, for a straight bro like yourself, to have a thing for my girlfriend? Or Terezi, who isn't actually taken in the non-platonic sense, or, fuck, even Vriska? Why then, was it Karkat, when there is, in fact, a two female occupants of this meteor that are single in more than one quadrant, two of which are sexual in nature. It's not about availability, Dave. Karkat wasn't your last resort. Now, do you want to talk about this or not?” 

You.. That's not- no! Fuck this. 

“Get out” your voice is hollow. 

She stiffens for a moment in rage, but stands up straighter and puts that ever so familiar curtain over her face. 

“I will be coming here everyday, and you will open the door for me or I'll knock it down. Take care of yourself, Dave.” 

You nod, numb. Distant. 

Two dead faces share a glance, then she leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another installment of SUFFERING!!!!
> 
> So yeah I brought back daves mind colors.
> 
> Also an intervention that should've happened years ago
> 
> Also GAME PLAN. Okay so I wanna finish this by the one year anniversary of the fic (which is not gonna happen but I'll try) so expect more frequent updates!!! I have a month to write seventeen chapters. Yay. 
> 
> Why do I do this to myself???
> 
> Thanks for reading my swill!


	68. Embellishments

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you're kind of exhausted. 

It's been a few days since The Incident. Kanaya has been making you sew embellishments on a couple of dresses she's making, but really you know it's just to keep you busy. 

You wish she wouldn't though. But you understand. She has to support Rose right now. Apparently she's been visiting Dave everyday. You're not jealous. 

You and Kanaya never really talked about... The two of you. As a Thing. 

Ugh. 

Since Kanaya’s been busy every so often, you've had to keep yourself occupied. Except, Terezi isn't always free and honestly you feel like you're boring her whenever she is because you're not very fun right now. The best thing for it is to sew shit on Kanaya’s dresses. 

You're not very good at it, but you're working on it. The sewing. 

You keep fucking thinking about it. And you know you're a shit because he obviously has other problems that he needs to deal with and he doesn't need your clingy quadrant hoarding ass. But even so. 

It felt nice. 

He was so gentle. It was sweet, really. And you just sort of followed his lead. He's probably had plenty of practice. 

You just felt like you were vibrating. 

Fuck. You suck on the finger you accidentally stabbed. You like the fact that no matter how hard you stab the shit out of your finger, it's never drawn blood. 

“You seem to be enjoying the embellishments” 

You jump, turning to see Rose standing behind you. How the fuck was she so quiet? 

“Hello to you too. You know, it's customary in Alternian culture to announce your presence before you're right fucking behind someone” you push the needle into the fabric and set it aside. 

“Yes, I suppose that would happen when one’s species is equipped with claws” she doesn't apologize. 

You stare at her blunt stub casings for a moment. “How is he?” 

“He's...” She sighs “just as stubborn as ever. But he's fine.” 

You nod. “How's your scarf going?” 

“Are we really going to sit around and talk about our various projects like two old maids?” She frowns, already looking frustrated with you. 

“Well what the fuck else am I supposed to say?” 

“I don't know. I thought that you of all people would have something more interesting to offer me besides sympathy and small talk” 

“Alright Lalonde,” you put fold the dress and place it neatly on Kanaya’s work table “you wanna hear my honest and most interesting opinions? Pick the shittiest Earth romance you know and then get back to me” 

She opens her mouth to say something, then closes it and smiles smugly. “If Kanaya needs me, I'll be at the alchemiter” 

“Sure” 

She skips off with a renewed purpose to her step. At least someone feels better. 

Looks like you've got a movie date... Weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update!!!
> 
> And it's a shitty filler chapter!!!
> 
> Aren't you lucky!!!
> 
> It'll get better for the next Karkat chapter though.
> 
> Don't you worry...
> 
> Hopefully...
> 
> Ugh...
> 
> I say ugh too much.
> 
> Anyways thanks for reading my swill!


	69. Defargefetched

Your name is Dave Strider and you honestly expected more than this. 

Rose said that she'd come back everyday. But it's like. Been four days. And she just sits there and knits. For two hours. Everyday. 

What the fuck is this shit? 

You wish she would just yell at you and get it over with, it would honestly be less nerve wracking. You know she's trying to get you to make the first move and at first you're like: fine, alright, two can play the wait shit out game. But now. 

She doesn't even say anything. No chit chat. Barely even a hello. 

You slide your headphones off your ears and shoot her a glare. “Just tell me what you want, Lalonde” 

“Hm? A glass of water maybe? I would suggest world peace, but the world is dead, so that would be quite an undertaking and a moot point.” 

“Rose” 

“Dave” 

“What the fuck are you even knitting?” 

“A scarf. I don't even know who would be interested in having a scarf. I already have far too many that I've made over these past two years. Kanaya has began to create a pile of them in her room.” 

You nod and move to put your headphones back on. 

“Would you like me to teach you?” She offers. 

You frown “thanks, but nah. I doubt I'd be any good at it, and even if I was I'd make it shitty on purpose. Besides, knitting isn't really a ‘me’ activity” 

“A ‘you’ activity? I would've thought tedious creative activities in which it is exceedingly easy to screw up would be right up your alley” 

“Well yeah. But not knitting” 

“Why not?” 

“Because dudes like me don't knit” 

“Ah. So you believe knitting to be a feminine activity?” 

“Well kinda, yeah. You never see dudes knitting. Or at least I didn't?” 

“Karkat can sew” 

“Yeah well, Karkats a fucking alien” 

She pauses, then returns to her knitting, not looking at you, but fixing her needles with a determined stare. 

“You know. You may want to learn from your alien experience, just as some of them are trying to learn from us. They happen to have a society where gender mainly doesn't matter on level that permits it to dictate your roles. Or at least, from my understanding. And it certainly isn't as extreme as our former society. Karkat isn't ashamed of any of his hobbies or activities because of gender, just as we aren't ashamed of ours based on social standing. Think about it.” She then gathers up her knitting and swiftly slips out the door, closing it behind her. 

Thanks for dropping that bomb on you and absconding, Rose. Really awesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk how many of you will get the chapter title reference but for those of you who do I'm sorry.
> 
> Anyways! Welcome to two days of consistent updates! Whoo!
> 
> Whatever will the next chapter be??? (Hint: it's gone be funnnnnn)
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!


	70. Movie Night feat. Rose, Kanaya, and Karkat

“That's it?” 

“Well, there are four more movies” 

“That was... What the fuck, Lalonde?” 

“I was not aware that human rainbow drinkers were quite so similar to troll rainbow drinkers, although I can not imagine why anyone would drink animal blood. They do shine like me, so I suppose humans were correct in that aspect.” 

“Rose. Why?” 

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you just watched the worst main protagonist stumble her way through a long, drawn out, melodrama. You've experienced Twilight for the first time. 

“Did you find it to your liking Karkat?” Rose smiles at you like a self satisfied meow beast. 

“Allow me to first address the most glaring fault in the plethora of shitty writing and tropes. The main character is a useless piece of shit who never does anything” 

“Don't you think that's a little harsh?” She prompts, earning a look from Kanaya that clearly says you're-going-to-get-your-ass-handed-to-you. Rose gives her a look back that says yes-and-it's-going-to-be-entertaining. 

You plan to give her exactly what she wants. 

“No. It's definitely fucking not. And don't give me that ‘she went to confront James to save Edward and her mom’ crap, because she still didn't actually do anything. Her only device in that scenario would be to fucking die. Also, why the fuck her blood so goddamn delicious? And what exactly was the point of long hair human friend from her childhood? Also does the actress have a breathing problem or can she just not act? And why the fuck does Edward have no emotion in his voice ever? It's fucking creepy. For that matter, if he could have any girl in the school why chose Boring McTemptationOnASilverNutritionPlateau? And even if she's a fucking loser, there were a few guys who were obviously interested in her for no reason. Why did she chose her stalker who wants to eat her? And he likes to watch her sleep?? Also isn't he like a hundred or something? That's really fucking weird! The only good actor in this whole shit movie is her human high school gal pal, and possibly also her lusus” you huff, slumping back into the couch cushions. 

Rose actually snorts, a sound you would've thought she would consider beneath her. “But Karkat, it's a cinematic masterpiece” 

“What Karkat means to say, is that although the movie lacked substance, or talent, or accuracy, or a good message for human women, or...” Kanaya sighs and fusses with Rose’s hair. “I am sorry, I cannot find anymore compliments other than the luminescence of their skin” 

This just makes Rose laugh harder. You roll your gander bulbs and pat her shoulder mockingly. 

“Also what the fuck was with those stupid sequences of them just staring at each other? Could they really find no other way to portray a connection between two people? And for someone who's supposed to be so fucking mature because he's hundreds of years old or whatever the fuck, Edward’s a ridiculous drama queen.” You glare at the main menu. That said, it had a pretty decent soundtrack. 

“And another thing! They could've just taken her away from the fucking red iris evil blood suckers. They had so much time. They had to know that dressing her up and shit and having her hide in plain sight wasn't going to work. It was all just so stupid! Also baseball? Why the hell? Wouldn't the ball break under that kind of strain anyways?” 

This earns you another snort and cackle from Rose, who pulls herself together just enough to speak “Do you want me to put in the next one?” 

Your immediate thought is no, of course not. But... You want to know how the author managed to write another piece of shit. And. 

Even you have to admit that there are quite a few attractive people in this movie. 

Fuck. You have nothing new to watch anyways. 

“Just put it in before I change my mind and pull my gander bulbs from their sockets” you mumble. Kanaya chuckles at you and tucks a lock of hair behind your ear. You turn red and look away. She did it right in front of Rose too. And Rose saw. 

Jesus Christ this is so confusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course it was twilight. Did you really expect me to pass up a chance to bash twilight? 
> 
> Welcome to day three of updates!!!!
> 
> Just gotta write fifteen more chapters.... Ugh.... In a month..........
> 
>  
> 
> But yeah thanks for reading the swilllllll


	71. Shoes

Okay. You can do this. 

Your name is Dave Strider and you can do this. 

Just walk a lap around the occupied areas of the meteor until you see someone, have a conversation, then leave. Easy. Simple. 

what if it's Karkat? 

You take a deep breath, slip some shoes on and push open your door. 

Okay. Right foot. Left foot. Now go even faster. If you chicken out you'll never leave. Right foot. Left foot. 

You can walk. Someone give this kid a fucking medal for being able to walk sans any sort of disability. 

You raise your eyes now, walking down the hall. Terezi taped some of her drawings up while you were sulking. They're awesome as shit. You smile a little at a particularly shitty one. 

You take out your phone, opening pester chum. It wasn't an accident that she decided to decorate your hallway. 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCallibrator [GC] 

TG: hey tz 

TG: thanks for the decor 

TG: fucking spot on 

TG: on the money 

TG: perf 

GC: H3 L1V3S! 

TG: yeah im totes alive 

TG: just like 

TG: being a dingus 

TG: again 

TG: sorry about that 

GC: 1TS F11111N3 

GC: YOU M4Y W4NT TO CONS1D3R P1CK1NG 4 N3W TH1NG 

GC: 1 M34N YOUR L1F3 1S ST4RT1NG TO SOUND L1K3 4 POORLY WR1TT3N F4NF1CT1ON 

TG: what 

TG: why would anyone want to read a piece of shit like that??? 

TG: like 

TG: it would have to be long and drawn out 

TG: because its been a while 

TG: but how the fuck 

TG: the author would have to be really out of ideas 

GC: Y3S TH3 PLOTL1N3 WOULD B3 4DM1T3DLY PR3D1CT4BL3

You hear a noise and pocket your phone, forcing yourself not to turn around and go back. 

You see a mess of hair and a ridiculous sweater come around the corner. Of course it had to be Karkat. 

He looks at you from down the hallway, stopping dead in his tracks. Then he marches straight up to you, crossing his arms and looking you up and down with concern. 

He's staring at your feet. You're staring at his lips. God, this is the worst. You really are gay. Figures you had to find yet another way to be a stupid excuse for a fucking hero. What kind of Knight saves the Princess and is just like, aight. See ya. Gotta go fantasize about dudes. Then the knight gets killed cause he's gay and that's like. Devil work or whatever. Burned at the stake. That's you. 

“You're wearing your godtier shoes...” He mutters. 

“What?” 

A small chuckle escapes from his lips. Then another. Then he's just giggling giddily. 

“Dude are you okay?” You ask. 

This only makes him laugh harder, his he's squeezed shut as he clutches his sides. He's getting pretty loud, his laughter echoing down the hall. Tears are starting to roll down his cheeks. 

“What the fuck, man?” 

Karkat struggles to breath and tries very hard to control himself, a valiant effort, you can tell. “Your... Fucking shoes...” 

“Yeah? What about them?” You look down at your shoes. They don't look weird or anything what the fuck?? 

“They're your godtier!” He declares like its a fucking miracle, wiping his tears. 

“And?” 

“Dave. You fucking beautiful excuse for a complete and utter pan dead, imbecilic, douchemuffin. You haven't worn those shoes since we started this pointless journey” he's still really out of breath and smiling and Jesus why is Karkat so attractive? It's not okay. 

“So???” 

“They were made for you. Specifically and literally. You just... I don't know. Just. I'm glad you're out of your block” 

“Thanks?” 

Karkat grins and smacks your shoulder “I really kind of hate you. Platonically. Too bad I can't seem to stay away from you.” 

“Wow okay now I'm confused” 

“That's the point!” Karkat throws his hands into the air and sighs, still with that stupid grin on his face. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Probably not. I'm gonna go find Kanaya actually. You should talk to Rose. Yeah. Nice to see you again Dave. Please don't lock yourself away again.” He huffs out a few laughs and suddenly looks very tired. 

“How long has it been since you've slept dude?” You put a hand on his shoulder to stop him from leaving. 

“I dunno. Like. Days? Go talk to Rose. She'd wanna talk to you. Be nice to her, okay?” 

“Nope. I'm making sure you sleep first. Here we go.” You grab Karkat’s sleeve and start dragging him to his room. He goes willingly, smiling in a detached sort of way. He catches up with you and leans a little into you so your shoulders brush as you walk. You drop his sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHAHAHAHAAH FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT OF UPDATES YOURE WELCOME
> 
> HAAHHAAHAHAHAH
> 
> ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading my actually consistent swill


	72. He's Okay

Your name is Karkat Vantas and your strut pods are super heavy. 

“Dave, I'm fine. I'll just. I don't need sleep.” You look up at his face. He has nice freckles. 

“Yeah okay.” 

You blink. His lips were soft when he kissed you. You didn't know lips could be that soft. Lips weren't that soft during Truth or Dare. 

You think you might have shitty ankles. You can feel them rolling, like you're on a float vehicle. Where are you going? 

You lean against Dave “Where are we going?” 

“To your block” 

You blink twice. Why are you in slow motion? Or is everything else too fast? “Sleep. I don't need sleep. You don't need to fucking take care of me you ding dong shouter” 

“Ding dong shouter?” The corner of his mouth quirks up. You wanna kiss it. 

You laugh instead. “Yes. You shout dings. Mostly dongs. I hope you're happy” 

You kinda have a headache. You keep walking and suddenly you stumble back. Dave is holding your sleeve. Fuck. Your ankles. Your back slams into his chest. You giggle. 

“We're here sleeping beauty. Are you going willingly or do I have to carry you?” 

You smile, his chest is warm. Not too warm though. Luke warm. 

“If you carry me I'll punch you in the face. Right in the face. I'll ruin your pretty face and get it all bruised and fucked up. Break your fucking glasses.” 

He chuckles at you and holds open the door, pushing you in gently by the small of your back. “Not my beautiful face” 

“You better believe it. I'll fuck it up so bad. Not even your smile will have its think pan exploding powers” 

“Well shit” 

“I know right?” 

He gazes into your recooperacoon uncertainly. “How do you uh... Look, I'm not really sure how to alien tuck you in and get you all up and ready for bedy bye” 

“Well I can't go in wearing clothes” 

His face goes red immediately as well as deadpan “oh” 

“So like. Shoo. Or turn around. Or something” you should probably be more concerned about this than you are, but whatever. 

“I'll just uh. Just. Put your phone where you can grab it and text me that you're going to sleep okay.” He's already halfway out the door as he's saying this. 

You roll your ganderbulbs at the shut door, but can't help feeling a sense of relief. Dave's okay. You can sleep. He still cares about you. 

He doesn't hate you. 

You slide into your recooperacoon, grateful to Vriska, for once, for figuring out how to alchemize a proper one complete with slime. Although, since the slime is synthetic unfortunately you still dream. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

CG: OKAY I’M IN MY COON. 

TG: aight sweet dreams dude 

CG: HEY DAVE? 

TG: yeah 

CG: THANKS. 

TG: get some sleep kat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BET YOU THOUGHT I WOULDNT UPDATE
> 
> WELL YOU THOUGHT WRONG
> 
> FIVE
> 
> FUCKING
> 
> DAYS
> 
> aren't you lucky
> 
> Some more tiredkat for you
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!!!


	73. Grab

Your name is Dave Strider and you should've stayed in your room. 

You're hanging with Karkat, which should be fine. Except it's not. It's so not fine. You mean, he's fine. Fine as hell. Fuck. 

Maybe just... Going for it would be easier? He's just sitting right next to you. Reading his book. You're supposed to be editing a mix right now but fuck if you can focus on that. 

He's just so nice looking. How the hell does he manage to look this nice? It's not okay. Severely not okay. You must've had this exact train of thought fifty fucking times today. 

Maybe if you just. Reach out. Grab his hand. You can feel your face heating up just at the thought. Jesus Christ. 

Just uh. One. Two. Three. Grab. Why didn't you do it yet? Why won't your hand move? 

This is some spooky shit right here. Okay. One. Tw- fuck you can't do this. 

You still can't help thinking about Bro, but you figure that if you're already a huge disappointment you might as well take it the rest of the nine yards. ‘Sides, he's dead. 

... You wish it was that easy honestly. 

You pinch your own leg. No more thinking about Bro. Think about Karkat. And his hands. He's got little freckles on his hands too. Has he got them all over his body? You only have them on your face. Thank you Texas, you and your blistering fires of hell that you call sunshine. 

Texas. Houston. Aaaaaaand back to Bro. Fuck. 

No. Karkat. He's uh. Always wearing that sweater. You remember the one time he actually wore something form fitting and. Just. Wow. He wasn't like. Ripped or anything. From what you could tell. But he was lean. He's basically just all small everywhere. Except his hips, or at least you think. Oh god don't think about his hips. 

Edit your mix, Dave. Just. At least fuck around with it so you stop thinking. 

Maybe if you just run headlong into a relationship you'll figure out how to Be Gay later. Is there like a handbook or something on this shit? Gotta ask Rose. 

“Dave, are you okay?” Karkat asks, looking at you with that concerned pout he gets. Jesus this is gay. 

You grab his hand. Fuck. Now is not the time, body. Why did you do that? 

He stiffens for a moment, before entwining your fingers, not meeting your eyes. Fuck. This is really really gay holy shit. 

You kind of want to throw up. In a good way. You think. 

He keeps reading. Thank god. You don't think you can hold an engaging conversation right now that isn't just you talking on for miles. Especially if he wants to talk about what the fuck this all even means. Hell no. 

You get the increasing sense that someone is going to walk in and see you two. You really don't want to deal with that and the thought gives you the worst feeling in the pit of your stomach. What if you pass through a dream bubble and _he's_ there? 

Fuck okay. Hand holding time is over. You squeeze Karkat’s hand and let go, realizing your hand is super clammy and gross. Nice. 

See? You can do this. Just so long as no one finds out. Well Rose already knows. So does Kanaya. Okay well two people know. So what? That's like two out of the ten people left that aren't you and Karkat. Twenty percent of the remaining populace that isn't you. Wait shit you forgot the clown. Eh. He probably doesn't know. So that's two out of eleven. Eighteen-ish percent. That's even less! 

You glance over at Karkat. He's smiling softly at his book. You'll... Probably be okay. Eventually. 

Once your heart stops pounding that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAND I BLEW IT.
> 
> Couldn't write yesterday, wasn't motivated. SORRY.
> 
> I might do a double update today though and that'll make up for it.....
> 
> But yeah... Tweleve chapters left to write! 
> 
> Haha...
> 
> Death.
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!


	74. A Troll Experience

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

CG: KANAYA. 

CG: WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS WHEN A HUMAN HOLDS YOUR HAND? 

CG: I KNOW THAT IT'S CONSIDERED A PALE GESTURE FOR TROLLS, BUT FOR HUMANS I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF IT'S ENTIRELY PLATONIC. 

CG: I LOOKED IT UP, BUT ALL OF IT SEEMED TO DEPEND UPON SCENARIO AND COULD NOT GIVE ME AN EXPLANATION. 

GA: Hello Karkat 

GA: Upon Any Other Time Of Day Or Night I Would Happily Explain This To You 

GA: Unfortunately I Am Rather Put Out At The Moment And Think It Would Be Best To Postpone Until A Future Date When I Am Capable Of 

GA: Well 

GA: Thinking 

GA: Emotionally Speaking 

CG: WHAT HAPPENED? 

GA: ... 

GA: Just A Bit Of Trouble With Rose 

GA: I Have It Under Control 

CG: YEAH OKAY, BUT HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT? 

GA: I... 

GA: She Worries Me 

GA: She Relapsed Today 

GA: I Think The End Of Our Journey Approaching So Near Is Getting To Her 

GA: And I Just Feel As Though 

GA: There Is Not Anyone On This 

GA: This 

GA: Damn Rock 

GA: Or My Life Really 

GA: Who Has Ever Had Enough Time To Stop And Help Me 

GA: Because I May Also Want To Be Cared For 

GA: And Do Not Say Vriska Because Even When We Were Involved All She Ever Did Was Point Out My Flaws 

GA: She Never Actually Bothered To Help Me With Them 

GA: At Least In The Correct Way 

GA: And Not Just Her Way Of Bullying A Person Under The Guise Of Making Them Stronger 

GA: But I Know That I Am Not The Top Priority Amongst Those With Issues Far Larger Than My Own 

GA: So The Only Reason I Am Telling You This Is Because You Seem To Be Handling Yourself Relatively Well And Interested In Possibly Pursuing A Relationship With Me Of A More-Than-Friends Caliber 

GA: And I 

GA: Am Very Tired 

GA: It Is Not That Rose Does Not Try To Help Me Either 

GA: She Does Her Best 

GA: But She Is Currently Tied Up With Her Own Issues As Well As Those Of Her Brother 

GA: And I May 

GA: Need A Bit Of A Troll Experience Right Now 

CG: YOU’RE IN YOUR BLOCK? 

GA: Yes 

CG: I'M COMING OVER. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

You don't even put shoes on, and you're at her door in record time. 

“It is open” you hear her call before you can knock. 

She probably smelled your blood or something. You open the door and find her on her couch, with a bowl of crispy hopbugs on the coffee table in front of her. She got crumbs all over the lace table cloth. 

You go immediately to her and hold her close. She has tear tracks from her makeup. You've never seen her so undone. 

She relaxes into you, mumbling apologies for the late hour and her appearance. You just shoosh her and use your thumbs to gently wipe away the still wet make up running down her face. She lets out a shuddering breath, tears slipping out of her eyes one by one. You can visibly see her trying to hold them back. Her horn pokes into the side of your head, but you don't care. 

You stop thumbing away her tears when it proves to be a futile effort, instead stroking her cheek with one hand and petting through her ridiculously soft hair with the other. She purrs quietly. The sound makes something inside you ache and you hold her tighter. 

“Thank you, Karkat” she whispers. 

“Anytime” you whisper back, your voice calmer than you think it's ever been. 

She stops crying after a while and even reaches out to eat a few hopbugs. She's getting crumbs all over your sweater. You smile a little. 

“Wanna watch a movie?” You ask. She nods silently and you detach yourself momentarily to pop in the one you know is her favorite. 

She smiles a bit at you, her fangs peeking out from between her lips. You smile back and return to her side, adjusting your hold on her so she can watch the movie comfortably. She lays her head on your shoulder and drapes her legs over your lap. You card through her hair and grab a hopbug yourself. 

You spend the rest of the evening with her and fall asleep on her couch. She doesn't leave your arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a friendly reminder that Kanaya has problems too!
> 
> Also DOUBLE UPDATE
> 
> So I'm counting this as a make up so this would be the seventh day?? I think...
> 
> But yeah
> 
> Only eleven more chapters
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!


	75. A Talk

Your name is Dave Strider, and Karkat is kissing your sister’s sleeping girlfriend’s forehead. 

You pause by the open door and watch as he creeps out of the room and closes the door quietly. 

“Hey” you announce your presence. He jumps and turns on his heel. 

“Shit, Dave. Don't sneak up on me” 

“Why? What were you doing with Kanaya?” 

“What?” 

“Dude I don't know if you just have feelings for her or if she reciprocates or whatever, but you can't do this to Rose” or me, you want to say. Whatever. It was just a kiss. Once. And holding hands only yesterday. He probably doesn't care. He probably had people hanging all over him before everyone fucking died on him. 

He looks down. Shit, he was cheating on you. You mean, Kanaya was cheating on Rose. You're not so pathetic that you'd be hurt by this. Men don't get hurt when their guy crush starts kissing up on their sister’s girlfriend.... 

Okay so maybe what you've been taught a man is supposed to do doesn't really apply to this particular situation. You're starting to think that none of it applies, considering you're living with a bunch of gay aliens, one of which you've macked on, and your gay sister. 

Fuck this is too complicated. 

“Well. We. She's not really cheating on Rose. Okay, she kinda is, but Rose is aware of if and is okay with it, or I wouldn't have-” 

“Rose is okay with you fucking her girlfriend on the side?” You blurt out incredulously. Shit. You meant okay with her girlfriend fucking him on the side. Karkat doesn't have the capability of having a side thing because obviously you're not involved. And that's okay. 

“What?!” His face flushes red, and you raise an eyebrow “No, no no! Kanaya... We're pale! We don't... No. Nope. Disgusting. Sorry.” 

“Pale... That's the best bros one?” 

“Yes Dave. The distinctly platonic romance that in no way involves me fucking Kanaya. I would have told you, I was just worried about. Um. Your reaction.” He looks down at his feet. Does he think you're together? Are you together? 

“Oh. Uh. Okay. Cool dude. If you wanna pet Kanaya’s face I'm not gonna stop you. As long as Rose is chill with it.” 

He frowns at your mention of Rose’s consent. “I think we need to talk. If you want to” 

“About what?” You ask. You know what. The way your stomach did an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle tells you that you know exactly what. 

“This” he gestures between the two of you. 

You make a strangled hum of agreement. Your feet suddenly don't want to move ever again. Jesus Christ. You're doing this. You're having the relationship “what are we” talk with a dude. Fuck, you can't do this. 

“Hey..” Karkat steps closer to you, not seeming to know what to do with his hands. He settles with placing them on your shoulders. “I won't bite. Whatever you decide will be okay, okay?” 

You feel simultaneously better and worse. You swallow and give a small nod. 

“We probably shouldn't do this in the hallway though” he says, and yeah. Good idea. 

You let him lead you wordlessly to your Couch Room. He sits on the couch. Your couch. You sit next to him. 

“So um. What do you want? From this relationship. I know you have some issues with human things like sexuality, and that's okay. We can talk about that if you want. It doesn't even have to be a relationship if you don't want it to be. I don't want to pressure you into... I mean, I don't even understand most of what's going on myself? And I like you? But I don't want to lose you either. So we can go back to being just friends if that's what you want. Actually, I'm kind of a mess so you have to think about that before you commit to anything serious. If you want to. Which I'm not saying you do or have to by any means. Or that I expect you too, I'm actually not sure what I expect and-” you cut him off by putting your hands on his cheeks and squishing them together. 

“Karkat. Chill.” He visibly relaxes. 

“What do you want...?” His voice is much smaller and you can see all of his insecurity and how much he trusts you not to destroy him right now. 

“I... Don't know.” You let him go and put your hands in your lap, staring at them “I just. I liked uh, kissing you. But I wasn't supposed to. And I'm trying to get over that, because the point of all this masculine idealism is pretty fucking moot considering the type of teens that are going to move on to rebuild society. And I know that, I'm just... I don't really know it still. You know? Like consciously I know I'm acting like the biggest dudebro douche, but subconsciously my brain is screaming at me that I'm... Not very good things. It's weird with humans. Or maybe it's me? I don't know.” 

“Okay.” He thinks for a bit “We could ease into it? Go at your pace. Stop whenever.” 

“That's...” You sigh “Karkat, are you sure you want to be in a relationship where my boundaries are constantly shifting and I'm fucking freaking out over something you were allowed to do yesterday? And you're okay with me just dropping you anytime I feel like it's too much for my fucked up brain to handle even though it's not a big deal, or at least it shouldn't be. It isn't for Rose, is it? So why the fuck is it for me?” 

He's silent for a long time, reaching out and grabbing your hand. Fuck, okay you're a goner. You're a selfish asshole and now you've gotta rope him into this shitstorm with you. 

Here's to being a gigantic bag of dicks. 

“I want to talk to you. In amongst the freak outs. Because I may also be freaking out over shit? So we can freak out together.” 

“You're gonna be freaking out?” 

He nods. “It's uh. Quadrant thing. Kanaya is helping me with it though. She's explaining a lot of shit that makes sense, like you said. Consciously. So I get where you're coming from to a certain extent.” 

You squeeze his hand. He squeezes back. It's nice. 

“What do we even call ourselves?” You ask. 

He scoffs and runs his other hand through his hair “fuck if I know. Let's just not talk about that one for now.” 

You nod, “agreed” 

“So... What do you wanna do today?” Karkat, shifts awkwardly in his seat. 

“Cantown?” 

“Cantown.” 

You let go of each other's hands and don't talk about it for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. So I didn't update yesterday... Honestly I'm gonna stop keeping track fuck it
> 
> Ten more chapters. I might update again today.... Maybe. 
> 
> But yeah thanks for reading my swill.


	76. Tavros

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you're walking back to your block. 

You had a nice time in cantown. The Mayor was hosting a grand opening ceremony of a new public pool. Today he spent an awfully long time at the post office, painting a new coat over the outside of the can, and taking extra care. The post office has always been his favorite can. 

“Karkat!” 

Fuck. You were having a nice day, too. “What do you want, Vriska?” You keep walking as you ask. 

“I want to know what you and Strider are up to nowadays.” 

“And why exactly is that?” 

“Because it's my business as your leader” she crosses her arms and stands right in front of you so you're forced to stop and look at her. 

“Maybe it's not anyone's business no matter how gargantuan their ego may very well fucking be” 

“Wooooooooow! Someone’s a little pissy and jealous about not being leader anymore” 

You fist clenches “Am I? Or are you just insecure about your shitty leading ability. If you haven't noticed, everyone hates you. And how the fuck does the fate of the team rest upon whatever's going on between me and Dave?” 

“Not much, except the blatantly fucking obvious. If the team's weakest player is fucking around with one of the strongest and possibly most vital members, you know, the one with time powers, _someone_ might do something stupid to get their ass nearly killed causing _someone else_ to die a heroic death for their fuck buddy” 

You punch her right in the face. 

She doesn't stumble, but you got her square in the nose. You might have broken it, for all you know, because it's dripping blue down her face. You hope she chokes on her blood and dies. 

She just laughs at you. Your mouth tastes sour. 

“Fucking finally, Vantas. I was waiting for you to fight back and stop being my personal verbal punching bag. You still have a long way to go though, but hey, that's more than Tavros ever managed to do” 

“Oh my god, you cannot be serious right now. Tavros is dead because of you and your fucked up mind games! And you have the gall to talk down to him even after his body disappeared to fuck knows where? Don't you think you've done enough damage to Tavros’ fucking emotional health? Don't you think murdering him for trying to stop you from getting all of us killed was enough? You have to besmirch his memory too?” 

She actually looks surprised, and a flash of pain crosses over her face, then it becomes something much darker than you've ever seen from Vriska. Shit. Your sickles are in your hands before you're aware of what you're doing. She lunges at you with her sword, you block, just barely. 

“Tavros was going to kill me!” She yells, swinging at you again. You dodge. 

“Tavros thought he was fucking special, but he was nothing. He was an insecure bundle of nerves and false direction!” She grazes your left shoulder, cutting at the fabric of your sweater. 

You move to attack her, but she catches both of your sickles on her sword, using that as leverage to shove you up against the wall with your sickles on either side of your head and her sword against your Adam's apple. It's already cutting you a little you can feel it. You push back on her sword with your sickles as hard as you can but she won't budge. 

You attempt to kick her, but she just scoffs, positioning her legs so that it wouldn't matter where you kicked. She smirks and presses her knee against your stomach, making it harder for you to breath, and allowing her to put most of her weight into pushing her sword towards your neck. The blade sinks into your skin just a bit more. You can feel the blood running. 

This is it. One slip out of you and you're dead. 

“Tavros was a son of a bitch who didn't know what the fuck was good for him, including, and especially, me!” She snarls, her face is so close you can see her pupil expand and contract. 

“Vriska! What the fuck?” You feel hope surge through you. Terezi. 

Vriska looks at Terezi, then back at you, letting you go. To your credit, you don't collapse, but you do drop your sickles. You manage to captchalogue them before they hit the ground. 

You instinctively cover your neck, trying to breathe normally. How do you breathe again? Fuck. 

“What the hell did you think you were doing?” Terezi demands, marching right up to you and forcing your hand away from your neck. It's covered in blood now. Too red. Gotta hide it. “You're so fucking lucky you didn't cut him too badly, I swear to god Vriska” 

“I wasn't going to kill him!” She protests, captchalogging her sword that's covered in your blood, staining the blue metal red. Red. Red. Red. “He was- He said that Tavros-” 

“I don't care!” Terezi shouts. 

You wrench your hand from her grasp and start walking away quickly. 

“Karkat? Wait a second! You need to bandage that.” Terezi shouts after you. 

“He can take care of himself, Terezi” Vriska spits. Haha. She's jealous. 

You don't hear what Terezi says back, you just start running to the nearest ablution block. You'll have to change your sweater after you clean up, you remind yourself hollowly. 

Your first aid kit falls into your shaking hands, and you sigh. Fuck, you're so weak sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another episode of Karkat is suffering
> 
>  
> 
> Also Vriska has insecurities! SHES JUST FULL OF EM.
> 
> But yes. Nine chapters. Woo.
> 
> Also I mainly just wrote this to punch Vriska in the face.
> 
> Also DOUBLE UPDATE
> 
> Also I'm going to a convention Friday-Monday! More info on that in the next chapter note feel free to stalk me and bother me I'll literally cry and probably try to hug you jsyk.
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill.
> 
> GUYS IM SCREAMING cloudybay DID ART FOR THIS CHAPTER IM GONNA GO DIE OF HAPPINESS NOW BYEEEEE 
> 
> http://cloudybahi.tumblr.com/post/146693694291/very-quick-sketch-i-did-for-perspective-because


	77. I Can Handle It

Your name is Dave Strider, and shits going down in the hall. 

Terezi is yelling up a storm at Vriska. Normally you'd stay out of it, but who are you kidding? Like you'd pass up a chance to hear Vriska getting chewed out. 

“You need to calm down, I wasn't doing anything wrong! _He's_ the one who was-” 

“No, Vriska. Just no. You don't hurt Karkat, okay. Nobody is allowed to hurt Karkat. You're out of fucking control” 

“Maybe you should go diamonds with him then! I thought you knew what you signed up for.” 

That's... Wow. Okay. You suddenly don't want to hear any more of this. Time to go find Karkat, just to make sure he's not bleeding out on you or... You very gracefully and not at all awkwardly walk quickly around the corner, into their view and down the hall. You can feel their eyes on you, but whoops, you're not supposed to be caring right now. 

You round the next corner as quickly as you can. You don't care that they stared at you. No big deal. Tryna make sure Karkat isn't currently dying or whatever. 

“Whoa, Dave? Fuck” you run straight into Karkat. He stumbles a little. You hold him by the forearms to keep him steady. He's still really warm. It's slightly less anxiety inducing and more adrenaline inducing. You don't know if that's a good thing. 

“Hey man.” You drop your arms because checking up on him so directly like this is already... Well, whatever. Bro’s dead. 

His eyes are puffy from crying and he looks like hell froze over. He's also got a hand over his neck. “What happened?” 

“Nothing. A fight. Vriska. I'm fine” he says quickly, his hand tightening around his neck. 

“Karkat” you gently wrap your hand around his wrist, he smacks you away, panic increasing in his eyes. 

“It's just a scratch okay, I don't need you to take care of me. I can handle it” 

You hold your hands up in surrender and he looks like he's going to cry. 

“I just... Need to be alone. Okay?” He sounds so broken you can't fucking stand it. This is not okay. You reach out to hug him but he flinches back. You drop your arms. 

“Okay. Just hit me up if you need someone to be alone with, alright?” You shove your hands in your pockets. 

“Okay” his eyes shift from you, down the hallway, and back to you. There's a definite pain and fear in his eyes that you will never get used to. You hate it. Where's the Karkat that is a literal emotional furnace? Where's the Karkat that can deal with anything people throw at him no matter how much it hurts? 

He gives you a quick hug, and backs up before you can even remove your hands from your pockets. You feel the phantom of his body against yours. 

You let him shuffle away from you and presumably to his room. You don't get much sleep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best work. Will probably rewrite this later and repost it. But I'm going to Anime Expo tomorrow so if you're going too come talk to me! I love you guys and wanna be bothered so please do so. I'll probably try to hug you, as previously stated.
> 
> So yeah, here's a post outlining what I'm gonna do and pictures of it so you can stalk me.
> 
> http://karkatastrophee.tumblr.com/post/146710005403/hey-guys
> 
> I accidentally switched day three and four but yeah. 
> 
> Anyways I'm gonna be gone for four days probably so till then!!
> 
> Thank you for reading my temporary I will rewrite I promise swill
> 
> EDIT: I have rewritten it. I am back guysssssssssss. Okay yeah. Eight more chapters to go.


	78. Too Close

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and the cut on your neck has scabbed over, thank god. 

You still cover it with band aids despite the fact that your turtleneck already covers it. A little paranoia can save your life. 

Well. Would have. Back then. 

You're getting your ass royally handed to you at Mario Kart. Why the fuck did you agree to play rainbow road? 

You curse as you try to keep your vehicle in check while plummeting down a steep hill, thrusting your controller this way and that as if it will compel your car to do what you want. Come on large reptilian man, we've got this! 

Aaaaand you fell to your death. Bowser has failed you. 

You're in twelfth place. Dave, flying high as Princess Peach (ironically of course), is in second. 

“Tell me again” you swing your controller left and very narrowly (through button mashing) escape dying again “why I play this shitty game” 

“Because you're a glutton for punishment.” He responds, passing Toad and securing first place. You shove at his controller. He falls. 

“Hey what the fuck?” 

“Guess I'm a glutton for punishment” 

He grabs at your controller. You simply hand it to him. “I'm losing anyways, take it” 

He glares at you and tries to regain his lead, you put your hand in front of his shades. He ducks under it. You move your hand back in front of him. He looks over it. 

You lean over his lap and into his line of sight, effectively blocking the screen. He leans away from you and keeps playing. You swipe at his controller. He smirks and hits your side with his knee. 

You rise to your knees on the couch and start trying to grab at his controller. He's faster than you and has longer arms, so you don't have much luck. 

He leans all the way over the arm and holds his controller as far as he can. At this point he's already in eleventh place. He would be in twelfth, but you abandoned your controller as soon as he stole it from you. 

You climb over him to try to get his controller, but he's too freakishly long limbed. He laughs at you and throws his controller to start tickling you. A bubble of laughter forces it's way from your throat before you can stop it. You grab his wrists in a vice grip and shove them into the couch on either side of him. 

He just grins at you, eyebrow raised and face a little flushed. 

You're situated in his lap with your legs on either side of his waist. You feel a wave of heat rush upwards and to your face. 

“Planning on letting go of me anytime soon? This is getting kinda kinky, Kartkat. Didn't know you had it in you” 

You immediately let go of his wrists and smack his shoulder. You can't move now, or he wins. That stupid, smug, mother fucker. 

This... Is getting really pitch. 

He wraps his arms around your waist and suddenly it's a lot harder to breathe. Why are you such a bundle of frazzled nerves? “Dave?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I kiss you?” 

He nods quietly and you smile, leaning in slowly. “Close your eyes” 

You can't tell if he does but you trust that he did so, because his shoulders are tensed in anticipation. 

You kiss his cheek and pull away, smirking at him. 

“Not cool, dude.” He frowns 

You laugh at him. “Hey, not my fault that you're a gullib-” 

You're interrupted by his lips silencing you. Well shit, that's one way to get you to shut up. He kisses you with the enthusiasm of someone trying to prove a point. You try to keep up. His grabs a fistful of your sweater in one hand. Pulling you closer. Warmth blooms in your stomach. You get a hand in his hair and an arm slung around his neck, your pulse loud in your ears. 

His fingers trail gently along your jaw as he drops a kiss to your chin. Your bloodpusher stutters. He kisses right under your jaw and your blood turns to ice in your veins. 

You cry out and panic, shoving him into the couch and the next thing you know you're falling backwards out of his lap and onto the floor. Fuck fuck fuck. Too close to your pulse. 

He could've ripped your throat out with... His... Teeth. Oh fuck. Human. He's a human. 

You pull your knees to your chest. He's a human. He would never hurt you. He can't anyways. He doesn't care about your blood color. He has the same damn color. You're fine. You're okay. 

“Sorry” you hear him whisper. You look up. His face is dead blank and his entire body is tense. 

“No” your voice is shaking. You clear your throat. “No, it's fine. My shit. Freaked out.” 

He slowly moves to sit on the ground next to you. Like you're a wild animal. He's not going to hurt you. It's okay. 

“Nah, should've asked or whatever. I just thought if I went in all guns blazing and shit I wouldn't have to think about it and I'd be okay with it. But uh. Didn't think about you. Which was shitty.” 

You lean into him, trying to stabilize your breathing “it's fine, Dave. I'm just... Kind of fucked up” 

He laughs quietly, putting an arm around your shoulders “same”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I'm back. I rewrote that last chapter and I'm blazing forward. Seven more chapters.
> 
> I actually wrote out an outline (something I seldom do) to make sure I cover most of my bases and make a satisfying ending.
> 
> I feel like I owe you guys that small favor in return for your undying support. Thanks.
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!


	79. Every Alien's Seen Twilight

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

TG: hey rose 

TT: Talking to me again? 

TG: yeah okay 

TG: look 

TG: im gonna do the sincerity thing 

TG: which is hard for both of us 

TG: so if you could hold back your snippy comments and whatever until I'm done being all sincere that would be great 

TT: Alright. Full speed ahead. 

TG: cool 

TG: so uh 

TG: you can kanaya 

TG: how did that... 

TT: Ah, yes. She told me you asked her a similar question a while ago. 

TT: Are you asking me for details about my love life out of curiosity, or do you wish to know how I came to accept that I had a liking to women? 

TG: uh 

TT: The latter, I take it? 

TG: yeah 

TT: Well... My mother raised me to be the perfect model of what she perceived the daughter should be in the familial structure. It was as if she was playing house rather than parenting. But I digress. The point is: I have always rebelled against that ideal. And what would make her more angry than her perfect daughter being a lesbian? So I suppose that at first my acceptance of my sexuality was purely out of spite. 

TT: But then I got to know her. 

TT: Kanaya. 

TT: And she was... 

TT: Magnificent. 

TT: And then it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Or, it did, I just gave zero fucks. 

TT: Also, have you taken a good look at Kanaya? If anyone were going to give me the lesbian epiphany, it would be her. 

TG: hm 

TT: Hm? 

TG: so you just 

TG: fought it 

TG: and then didnt care 

TT: To sum up, yes. 

TG: ... 

TG: you wanna hang out? 

TG: like bring your gf 

TG: ill bring my 

TG: karkat 

TT: Of course. Where would you like to meet? 

TG: common room? 

TT: We’ll be there. 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

You collect Karkat and head over to the common room. You still feel guilty about yesterday. 

“Hey, dude” you stop walking. 

“Yeah?” He looks back at you, stopping as well. His eyes are so fucking huge how the fuck? 

“I'm still uh, sorry. About what happened. Like, sincerely. Not cool.” 

He sighs and walks up to you, putting his hands on your shoulders. “Dave, I'm not saying I wouldn't have liked it. I would have. But I'm just... I've got a lot of hang ups. And it's not really fair to expect you to always be on alert for those. I guess in future just stay away from places with veins close to the skin. So I don't freak out again where a normal fucking person wouldn't.” 

You flick his side “Nobody left alive is even slightly normal” 

He opens his mouth to argue, but then closes it. “Yeah okay, true.” 

You laugh and he joins you. He sticks a hand into your hair and messes it up on purpose, grinning. You smack his hands away. 

“What is it with you and fucking up my perfect hair?” 

He shrugs “it's fun” 

You frown at him and fuck up his hair. But his hair is already constantly a mess. You're not really doing anything. 

He smirks at you and grabs your wrist to tug you down the hallway. You quickly attempt to fix your hair with your other hand. 

He lets go of you and pushes open the door. Rose and Kanaya are already there, talking quietly amongst themselves. Karkat marches right up to Rose and there is a resounding pop from his sylladex as four books fall into his hands. Holy shit, is that- 

“I read them. Every last shitty fucking word. I hope you're happy” he dumps the books into Rose’s lap. 

“Did you enjoy the creative musings of Stephanie Meyer, Karkat?” She smirks at him. 

Karkat read Twilight. Oh my god. 

“No. I absolutely fucking didn't. And I think that, somehow, the last movie managed to be better than the last book! Despite the creepy ass imprinting whatever the fuck and the CGI baby.” 

“You watched the movies. Rose. You showed Karkat Twilight?” You ask. 

“Yes” she turns her self satisfied gaze towards you. “And I think he had the reaction of many die hard romantics of our previous society.” 

“And that is?” Karkat puts his hands on his hips, a gesture you've come to know as the Karkat-is-ready-to-fucking-fight-you pose. 

“You knew in your heart that the writing was awful, but you couldn't resist Taylor Lautner's ripped torso, or Robert Pattinson's smoldering gaze.” 

“That” he begins, fire in his tone, then he deflates “okay yeah, but Alice was also part of the equation” 

“Was it that she was the only actually capable character, or that she is undeniably attractive?” 

“Both! I like to look at attractive people! Fight me.” 

“Wait. Rose. You showed Karkat Twilight” you repeat. 

“Yes, I'm glad we are on the same page” she says. 

“Without me? I'm hurt. And disappointed. And admittedly a little impressed” you frown and plop down on the opposite couch from them. “Whatever, I'll just show your vampire girlfriend before you” 

“Ah. About that..” Kanaya mutters, looking apologetic. 

“Come on!” Karkat sits next to you and shoves your shoulder with his to console you “a guy has a teenage crisis and then suddenly every alien’s seen Twilight.” 

“Well, that is not true. Vriska and Terezi have not seen it. Perhaps you would like to show them and explain to Terezi what is happening in five minute intervals. Not to mention Vriska’s charming habit of constant commentary.” Kanaya smiles delicately at you. 

Her and Rose are perfect for each other, you swear. “Yeah, no thanks” 

“So Karkat,” Rose moves on “if you despised it so, why read all four novels?” 

“I'm a glutton for punishment” Karkat answers, smirking. 

You pinch his arm. He kicks your foot. Kanaya gives him a look that is the most simultaneously supportive and condescendingly amused thing you've ever seen. Holy shit. She may have Rose beat. 

“So Kanaya. Are you aware of the gushy, romantic things Rose has been saying about you behind your back?” You ask, leaning back in your seat. 

Rose doesn't miss a beat “While you two talk about that, I might as well entertain Karkat with interesting accounts of the antics of twelve year old Dave Strider” 

You both pause to share a look. “Or” she says, crossing her legs “we could eat the leftovers from the fridge” 

“Or we could do that, yes” you get up to rifle through the fridge that ended up shoved in the corner. 

“I will never get over the fact that humans call the hull the ‘fridge’” Karkat says, puffing out his chest and making his voice significantly deeper to say fridge. Kanaya giggles. 

You then get a lesson in troll slang and terminology. You promise yourself to make a point of calling it a refrigerator as much as possible in front of Karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And two days straight back in my stride!
> 
> Six chapters left
> 
> Shit boi. I'm kinda scared for it to end but also kinda happy I made it this far?? I mean... I've been keeping track. This is the 53rd plot chapter, and I wrote 20 intermission chapters. Also my word count. The first Harry Potter book was like... A little less than 80,000 words. And I'm only about 20,000 away from that. Which is fucking wild.
> 
> Thanks for reading my loooooooooooooong winded swill.


	80. Too Hard On Yourself

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

CG: HEY. 

GA: Hello Karkat 

GA: Is Everything Alright 

CG: YEAH. I JUST WANTED TO TALK. 

GA: Right After We Spent A Significant Amount Of Time With Each Other 

CG: OKAY WELL. I DIDN'T GET TO ACTUALLY TALK TO YOU. 

GA: Karkat 

GA: What Is Bothering You 

CG: ... 

CG: DO YOU THINK MAYBE THE MUTATION PROPAGANDA HAD A BIT OF A POINT? 

GA: What Has Happened To Give You That Impression 

CG: JUST YOU KNOW. 

CG: FACTS. 

CG: I’M SHORTER THAN ALL OF YOU. 

CG: THAT HASN'T CHANGED IN A SWEEP. 

CG: AND I'M NOT AS GOOD OF A FIGHTER. 

CG: HELL, I'M FUCKING WEAK AND I KNOW IT. 

CG: AND I'M JUST. 

CG: SCARED. 

CG: TROLLS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED. 

CG: OR AT LEAST 

CG: THEY CAN BE BUT THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT AND PUSH THROUGH LIKE A STUBBORN JACKASS. 

CG: THEY DON'T SHUT DOWN AND FORGET HOW TO BREATHE AND START SHAKING LIKE A FUCKING... 

CG: LIKE A WRIGGLER. 

GA: Well 

GA: I Have The Distinct Impression That You May Be Alluding To A Specific Event Or Series Of Events 

GA: However 

GA: I Must Say That I Think You Are Being Much Too Hard On Yourself 

GA: Do You Think I Have Never Been Scared 

GA: To The Point Where I Cannot Do Anything About It 

CG: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY TOOK ACTION TO FIX THINGS WHEN EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT. 

GA: Yes By Killing One Of My Friends And Attempting To Kill Another 

GA: That Is 

GA: Until You 

GA: Through Your Fear 

GA: And Emotional Hell 

GA: Stopped Me 

CG: YEAH, FROM KILLING GAMZEE. 

CG: HELL OF A LOT OF GOOD THAT DID HIM. NOW HE'S BASICALLY VRISKA’S TOY. GUESS WHO DID NOTHING TO STAND UP FOR HIM? GUESS WHO CAN'T EVEN STAND UP FOR HIMSELF AGAINST HER, LEST HE BE FUCKING KILLED? GUESS WHO NEEDS OTHER PEOPLE TO STEP IN SO I DONT GET MY ASS KILLED FOR POKING THE BEAR? GUESS WHO CAN'T EVEN HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE BECAUSE EVERY TIME HE GETS CLOSE TO HIM HE FUCKING FREAKS OUT AND THINKS HE'S GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF THE MORALS AND BIAS OF A DEAD SOCIETY! 

GA: You Have Done Everything You Can Karkat 

GA: Given The Circumstances 

GA: And No One Holds Any Of These Things Against You But Yourself 

CG: ... 

CG: I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five more chapters. I feel a sinister countdown going on.
> 
> Thanks for reading my swill!!
> 
> A few people pointed out to me how happy the last chapter was and I thought.... I'm falling down on my game. Whoops.


	81. Bottled Affections

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

TG: rose 

TG: i think i better stop being a self involved shit brother for a sec 

TG: and talk to you about important shit that doesnt have to do with me 

TT: Dave? You seem sincere and serious. Did something happen? 

TG: rose 

TG: we need to talk about the drinking 

TT: Do we? I am pretty sure everything you could ever hope to say on the matter has already been said. 

TG: why are you doing this to yourself 

TT: Can we please go back to talking about your repressed homoerotic thoughts about Karkat? 

TG: nope 

TG: dave time is over 

TG: rose time is now 

TT: Fine. 

TT: Why am I doing this to myself? 

TT: Same reason you repressed said thoughts. Or Karkat never wears anything more revealing than a turtleneck. Or Kanaya has carefully chosen to not wear lipstick for the majority of this journey. 

TT: I'm coping by avoiding things that are painful to me personally. 

TG: yeah okay 

TG: but the thing is 

TG: the thought shit i do 

TG: not good 

TG: karkat flipped shit the other day when i got too close and then beat himself up about it 

TG: not good 

TG: and im pretty fucking sure that kanaya is fucked up over what happened or something because if she wasnt she wouldnt need karkat to spend the night patting her face or whatever 

TG: so since it would be a little weird for me to start feeling up your face 

TG: i figure we can talk 

TT: If I do recall, I've tried do attempt to talk to you like this quite a few times when you didn't want to hear it. And now I do not want to hear it, Dave. 

TG: yeah well tough shit 

TG: youre hurting yourself 

TG: so excuse me if im overstepping 

TT: Maybe that's my own choice. And it's too late to do anything about it now. We're less than half a year away from the new session. I'll stop when we get there. 

TG: so thats what this is about 

TT: What? 

TG: rose you know i suck at your therapist shit 

TG: but i remember you hating when your mom got drunk off her ass and you had to take care of her which is why it didnt make a lick of sense for you to be following in her footsteps or whatever 

TG: but is this really about meeting her again 

TG: because im not too keen on meeting bro either 

TT: Goodbye, Dave. 

TG: wait 

TG: please dont drink okay 

TG: take care of yourself 

TG: sorry 

TT: ... 

TT: The last of it is in the lab off of the common room with the adjoining bathroom. 

TG: thanks rose 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

You bring Karkat with you to destroy all the booze. But holy shit. You were not prepared. 

It took you a while to find it, but when you did, you kind of wanted to die. 

There was so much. Jesus, Rose. 

Karkat helped you dispose of it, and you made a game of grabbing as many bottles as you could in your arms and your sylladex and seeing who could throw it the farthest off the roof and into the space rushing behind them. You like to think at least some of them hit Bec Noir in the face. 

You just finished chucking the final bottle into the abyss and you stand there watching it disappear in silence. 

Karkat rises to his tip toes, hesitates, then kisses your cheek, and shit if that isn't adorable. You offer him a small smile. He turns red and cups your cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb over your cheek and carding through your hair with the other hand. Oh shit. He's trying to do the diamonds thing. 

Hm. Feels nice. You kiss his forehead and he flushes an even darker red. Ha. Guess you just quadrant hopped. You grab both of his hands and pull him over to the air conditioning unit so you have something to lean on before plopping yourself down. You let go of him and pat the spot next to you. 

He looks really guilty and bashful, sitting next to you and hiding his face in your shoulder. 

“Hey, you okay man?” You ask. 

He shifts so that his voice isn't muffled by your shirt. “I'm fine. Troll shit.” 

“Is it about Kanaya? Because we could not do the face touches that's all good” 

“No. I mean, yes it's about Kanaya, but she said it was okay and she does pale shit with Rose. It still feels like I'm being unfaithful though.” 

“Why don't you just tell her? Like let her know you've been getting your cuddle bro on with me on the side and clear your conscience.” 

He pauses for a while, then swings his legs over your lap and pulls you closer “alright. I can do this” 

You smile and stick a hand in his mess of a head of hair, trying without much success to gently pull out some of the tangles with your fingers. He goes stiff against you, then relaxes, hiding his face again. 

That's when he starts making these buzzing cicada noises. And holy shit. What is that? Is he... 

“Dude, are you purring?” 

“No..” He voice sounds thick and a little slurred. But mainly husky. You could get used to that, most fucking definitely. 

“You totally are” 

“Shut up” 

“It's cute” 

“Shut. Up. Dave. Or I will personally make you eat your own lingual muscle.” 

“Wow okay, sorry Kat” 

“Please don't. No meowbeast puns” 

“Alright. Only if you're feline furrisky” 

“I hate you” 

“Oh man. I thought we were doing the bro quadrant” 

He digs his nail into your side and you don't squeak. At all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four more chapters until we gotta say goodbye to this shitstorm!!!
> 
> I am considering allowing an intermission three sort of epilogue. Basically on the last chapter if you comment a request I might write an epilogue chapter for it. So start thinking of requests! They should be within the story though.
> 
> So yeah. My gay kids are growing closer. 
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!


	82. 1 C4R3

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

GC: H3Y... 

CG: HEY. 

GC: 1M JUST 

GC: SO SORRY K4RK4T 

GC: TH4T W4S UN4CC3PT4BL3 

GC: 1 SHOULD N3V3R H4V3 L3T TH4T H4PP3N 

CG: WELL IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. 

CG: YOU'RE NOT THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THIS SHIT. 

GC: SH3S MY R3SPONC1B1L1TY 

CG: NO. SHE’S YOUR MOIRAIL. YOU CAN'T CONTROL THE SHIT SHE DOES, YOU CAN JUST TRY TO HELP HER NOT DO IT. 

CG: TAKE IT FROM THE SHITTIEST MOIRAIL EVER, FOR THE PERSON WHO PROBABLY NEEDED IT MOST: 

CG: I KNOW THIS. 

GC: ... 

GC: 1M ST1LL SORRY 

CG: ALRIGHT WELL. 

CG: THANKS FOR CARING. 

GC: K4RK4T YOU W3R3 L1T3R4LLY BL33D1NG W1TH 4 SWORD TO YOUR THRO4T 

GC: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK 1 WOULDNT C4R3? 

CG: NO. 

CG: I DON'T KNOW. 

CG: IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. 

GC: 4R3 YOU FUCK1NG K1DD1NG M3?? 

GC: 1TS 4 V3RY B1G D34L!!!! 

CG: IT WAS JUST A LITTLE BLOOD. 

GC: SH3 W4S GO1NG TO 

GC: BLUH!!!!! 

GC: W3R3 H4NG1NG OUT TOD4Y 

GC: B3C4US3 1 C4444444444R3 4BOUT YOUR W3LLB31NG 

GC: 4SSHOL3 >;) 

CG: (:B 

CG: MEET YOU IN YOUR BLOCK? 

GC: Y3S! YOU C4N BR41D MY H41R 4G41N 

CG: SURE. SEE YOU THERE. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

You almost trip over your own feet trying to shove them in your shoes (that Dave has lovingly dubbed fuckboy basketball shoes). You're standing in front of her door before you know it and it's like you're six again. You feel giddy, like the first time you met Terezi on her planet. God, you've missed her. 

She opens the door before you can knock and grins at you with all her teeth. You smile back, because she's fucking contagious. 

“I've got the hair ties if you've got your mad braiding skills” 

“Ready when you are.” 

She hugs you and you hug her back, letting out a long breath and feeling the relief of things finally going back to normal between you too. 

“You're such a dork” she whispers into your hair. You flick her ear and she hisses at you. 

Later that day you get a message: 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

AG: Terezi told me I have to say sorry to your misera8le ass so 

AG: SOOOOOOOORRY!!!!!!!! 

AG: Feel 8etter now? Now hard feelings? Gr8. 8ye! 

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three more to go!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN  
> But yeah had to wrap up my Terezi arc. Love her. And Vriska's still a 8itch, as cannon dict8s.
> 
> So yeah. 
> 
> Thanks for reading my swill.


	83. So Blessed

arachnidsGrip [AG] opened memo on board “get your asses in gear unless you can't w8 to 8e 8u88le fucked!!!!!!!!” 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo 

tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo 

TT: You know, there is a lot to be said about the conciseness of a memo name. It makes one reminisce about the days of mystery all wrapped in a single notification, inviting admission to memo board “ALRIGHT FUCKNUGGETS, LISTEN UP.” 

TT: I for one, delighted in attempting to puzzle the original meaning from a series of pointless tangents and arguments that revealed more about the messenger, often, than the subject of discourse. I suppose proclaiming that we all need to be aware of an approaching dream bubble in the title is efficient, but does it not defeat the means of communication we've all become accustomed with? 

TT: To put it simply: it's almost jarring. 

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo 

TG: wow 

TG: that was really something 

TG: way to get this memo off to a pointless tangential start 

TG: i feel this sort of 

TG: swelling feeling in my chest 

TG: is that 

TG: pride 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo 

GA: Yes Or Perhaps You Ought To Examine The Health Of Your Bloodpusher 

GA: As Little As I Know About Internal Human Anatomy I Am Fairly Certain That Swelling Within The Chest Cavity Is Seldom A Good Thing If Ever 

TG: actually fun fact: 

TG: swelling can definitely be a good thing for humans 

TG: maybe not in the chest cavity but 

TT: That's quite enough. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo 

CG: WELL, I'M GLAD SOMEBODY APPRECIATES ME AND THE TIME I TAKE TO ENSURE THAT THERE'S ALWAYS THE SPICE OF MYSTERY IN YOUR MEMO EXPERIENCE. 

TT: I find I look forward to your memos the most, Karkat, as your performance levels outshine us all. 

CG: THANK YOU, ROSE. YOU WERE ALWAYS MY FAVORITE HUMAN. 

TG: what just happened 

GC: 1 B3L13V3 YOU H4V3 R3C31V3D SOM3TH1NG D4V3 

GC: 4 GR34T S3RV1C3 TO YOU P3RSON4LLY 

GC: 1N OTH3R WORDS ON3 COULD S4Y TH4T YOU GOT S3RV3D L1K3 ON3 WOULD B3 1F ON3 H4PP3N3D UPON 4N 1LSAND OF 1ND1G3NOUS BUTL3RS 

TG: a guy says a thing ONCE and suddenly everybodys gotta quote him 

TG: didnt know i was so quotable 

GC: H4NG ON 4 S3C 

GC: 1 WOULD H4T3 TO K33P VR1SK4 FROM 4NYTH1NG SH3 W1SH3S TO S4Y 4BOUT TH3 BUBBL3 

AG: Oh nothing. 

AG: Just that it's right on top of us and none of you seem the slightest 8it interested in a warning. 

AG: 8ut since I’m amazing, and you 8etter fucking appreci8 this: 

AG: ten 

AG: nine 

AG: E8GHT 

AG: seven 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased responding to memo 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased responding to memo 

AG: six 

AG: five 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased responding to memo 

AG: four 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased responding to memo 

AG: three 

AG: two 

gallowsCallibrator [GC] ceased responding to memo 

AG: one 

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased responding to memo

You found Dave as soon as the counting started. He practically broke your door with all his knocking. In a way you're relieved, because at least you don't have to face whatever the fuck it is alone, but in quite another way you're panicking, because fuck, what if you populate the bubble with your memories? 

You smile at Dave’s worried face when you open the door. Between the two of you, you're completely fucked as far as all too revealing memories go. He throws his arms around you as your world goes fuzzy, then suddenly bright. And hot. Sweltering. 

He lets go of you, satisfied in getting through the bubble with you. You're standing in front of an apartment complex. It's Dave’s. 

You don't know what the fuck went down, but you know it wasn't good, and you know you're definitely not letting him stay here. You grab his hand and he stiffens, moving to wrench his hand out of yours. You just grip his hand tighter and drag him away from the building, down the street. You see an intersection of bubbles ahead. You go straight to it and phase into somewhere else entirely, taking Dave with you. 

You drop his hand. Your planet. Okay. Cool. You guess. Pulse and Haze isn't that bad. 

Yeah okay time to find another intersection. You drop Dave’s hand and try not to look at the fucking oceans of red. Of course it had to be this place. You've gotta hand it to the powers that be, they really know how to fuck you over in every possible way, even symbolically! With imagery and all that fancy shit. Aren't you special. 

“Thanks...” You hear from beside you. 

“Let's find another bubble” you grit out. 

You can't look at this place anymore. 

“Okay.” 

You walk around for what seems like forever, but no dice. Absolutely devoid of dice. 

Okay. This is fine. 

“Hey, why don't you show me your place while we're here” Dave suggests. And yeah, you can do that. You nod and start walking. Just get inside. And stop being ridiculous. It's just a planet. Just the planet with a bunch of memories of your dead friends. Or your currently deranged friends. Or former fucking Karkats. God, you would take on a sea of mistakes that other Karkats made being the leader of you could avoid meeting the man behind the failure. 

You open the door to your hive and. Fuck. Okay maybe you can't do this. You spent so long in this fucking place. 

You hear a vicious screech and Dave is immediately in front of you, sword at the ready, but you're too stupidly happy to care. You push him aside and run towards the sound. 

You practically break down a door in your haste and, oh fuck. He's there. Crabdad. Well, Crabdadsprite. 

You launch yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his huge white shell. You close your eyes so all you see is his red glow from behind your bulbsheilds. 

He makes a happy scree at you and you click back. You didn't realize how much you missed him. How much you missed this. Feeling safe. 

It doesn't last long. 

A deafening protective screech pierces the air and he manuver stop behind him. Okay so that's twice today that someone tried to be your meat shield. 

You peer around him to find Dave looking awfully uncertain. Shit, okay. You duck under Crabdad’s sprite tail and meet Dave in the doorway. 

“But the sword away” you say. He looks at you like you're insane. 

“Karkat, as much as I trust your judgement, I don't trust your judgement” 

“He's my lusus, Dave” 

“ _That's_ what raised you?” 

“Yes, now put away the sword or he's going to snap it in half again with his claws” 

He does as he's told and puts his hands up in surrender. Crabdad does not seem convinced. You click soothingly at him and stand in front of Dave protectively, ha, see how he likes it. 

Crabdad reluctantly stands down. 

“No wonder you're such a hardass, holy shit. I mean, I knew y’all were raised by animals and shit, but god damn” 

“Thank you for that assessment, Dave” you say as Crabdad retreats. 

“Dave? Dave Strider?” You hear from further into the room. Crabdad moves to reveal another Karkat. 

Suddenly all your happiness fades and you're empty and screaming on the inside once more. 

“That would be me, yeah, the alive one” Dave says. God, don't talk to him! 

“We should leave” you say, reaching back and grabbing Dave’s sleeve. 

“ _You're_ spending time with Dave Strider?” 

You really do not want to have this conversation. 

“Uh yeah, problem?” Dave interjects. 

Dead Karkat just sighs, hiding his face in his hands “Wow, you know, I thought I could never find a Karkat that was more pathetic than myself, hiding from everyone else with my lusus like a wriggler, but I was wrong. I found one desperate enough for attention that he would willingly spend time with Dave Strider” 

“You know what? You can shove your disfigured, horrible thing you dare to call a face up your seedflap and survive for the rest of your undignified afterlife drinking your own mutant genetic material.” You counter. 

“Uh huh,” Karkat rolls his eyes “So, how many people died under your watch for Strider to be a great pal of yours?” 

“Just because you can't tell a good person from a fucking murderer, doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to finally have a single shred of happiness with someone who-” 

“Someone who, what? Thinks you're special? You're not special. No one is special. You think just because your timeline is the Alpha for now that you're special? I was on the Alpha timeline for a while too, and look where I am. And you more than anyone else are not special. You're a fucking failure and you know it. And everyone’s going to figure it out sooner or later, take it from someone who has lived through that collective epiphany amongst everyone who ever gave a single measly shit about him. But your friends are different right? That would never happen to y-” 

“JUST SHUT UP! I know all of this already! I'm just so _fucking_ blessed that he hasn't figured it out yet. At least I'm better off than you are!” 

Dave puts his hand on your shoulder, but it's too late. Karkat decks you right in the jaw. 

Okay. Right on. You've been waiting to do this a long time. You sock him hard in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. You smile as he gasps for air, shit that felt good 

Dave grabs your elbow and drags you back. Oh hell no. Karkat started this, and you're gonna finish it. 

You fight against him but he grabs your other arm and drags you out literally kicking and screaming. You manage to get an arm free from him just as the world starts to get blurry. He lets you go. No. Not yet. 

You run forward as your hive starts to disappear, but it's too late. You're back in the meteor. You kick the wall as hard as you can, as if that'll bring the bubble back. You then yelp in pain, because fucking ow that hurt. 

“Karkat” Dave says quietly. You really don't want to hear it. 

“Yeah, yeah, he was wrong and you won-” you begin but he shoves his hand over your mouth. 

“Nope. I'm talking now. You're not talking. First of all: he was wrong. And knowing you, he probably pushed everyone away and then ran away so they couldn't find him because he was depressed and threw a shit fit about something serious that happened, and that probably killed him in his timeline. Then after stewing in it for a while he tried to find his friends, but couldn't so now he's a bitter asshole and blames it all on himself in an ass backwards way, like you always do with everything.” 

He pauses, considering you and then speaks again “second, he obviously knew nothing because he didn't appreciate my charming personality. Third, you need to chill out about yourself, and I know that my saying that won't fix it but dude, your face is so not all those things you said it was. You're kind of really uh. You know. A stunner and all that jazz. But anyways. Chill. And I'm pretty sure you're gonna have a bruise on your face to remind you to chill for a while so I won't bug you again about it” 

He lets out a breath and lets you go. You don't say anything, you just hide your face in his shoulder. 

He makes you try ice cream later that day. It's sweet, almost too sweet. When he asks what you think you tell him you think ice cream would be his result on a shitty what-kind-of-food-are-you? quiz. He just laughs at you and tells you that you're completely off base, he would obviously be Doritos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters till the end
> 
> Yeah.... Pain....
> 
> But uh. Formatting memos is FUCKING HARD 
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill.


	84. The Best

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you're currently trying to read. 

Emphasis on trying. Dave is making his best effort to deter you from your task. He's sitting next to you and just blatantly staring at you. You don't care if he's wearing shades you know he's looking straight at you. 

“So what was that clicking noise you made back there?” He asks. 

“What?” You stop reading. 

“With your giant Crabzilla. You started clicking” he elaborates. 

“Uh. Just a troll thing. It varies with Lusii sometimes. It's supposed to soothe them” you explain, turning a little red. You don't tell him that clicking is also considered the sappiest and most bloodpusherfelt pale action fucking ever. 

He smiles, resting his chin on your shoulder. “It sounded cool” 

You hum noncommittally, getting a little redder. Just read. Just read and ignore him. 

“Do trolls make clicks for each other ever?” 

Mother of fuck. “Sometimes” 

“So...” 

“So?” 

“Click for me baby” 

“Oh my god” you hide your face in your turtleneck and welcome the sweet embrace of darkness. 

He chuckles and kisses the top of your head. You smack his shoulder. He hooks a leg over your lap, halfway seated in it. 

“Come on, show me that face” 

“Nope. Your facial viewing privileges have been revoked. No longer shall you gaze upon my-” he shuts you up by pulling your sweater away and kissing your forehead. 

No. You're not letting him peel you out of hiding that's too... Uh. 

He kisses between your eyes. Nope. You push him away and emerge, red faced, from hiding. He grins at you. You flip him off. 

He's so close, and he looks so fucking perfect, you feel it all the way through you. You snap your book shut with a purpose, captchalogging it and pulling Dave forward by his belt loops so he's situated completely in front of you. You forgot how tall he is. 

You lean back to give him a better angle, and he quickly meets your lips. Your stomach lights up with excitement and an edge of fear. You wonder if he can hear your bloodpusher beating. You try your best to kill the part of your think pan that's screaming at you to get out and enjoy being surrounded by Dave. You pull his cape around both of you to phase the rest of the world out. He pulls back the slightest bit to smile at you and you kiss his nose. He kisses your cheek. You kiss his chin. 

He just looks at you, this weird little hooded look to his eyes, and shit, no one’s ever looked at you like that before. You kiss his neck like the hypocritical asshole you are but he just grins at you. He buries his face into your shoulder and pets your hair. 

You can't even help but start purring, that quadrant hopping fuck. You're filled to the brim with pity and you're so happy. You don't have to push yourself with him. He's happy with whatever you're willing to give. 

“Hey Dave?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You're... The best kind of person” 

He's silent for a while. “You know what else is the best?” 

“Hm?” 

“Your voice when you're purring.” 

You roll your eyes “you're so weird” 

“Don't you know it” he pauses “you're kinda the best too. Just so you know” 

You don't say anything. You just pull his hood over his head and press a chaste kiss to his lips, before letting him slide off of you. You can tell he can't handle more than that amount of time being as he says, a pure unadulterated gay. He grabs his husktop and starts editing a mix with his headphones in and you lean against him, continuing to read your sub par romance novel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Today is the anniversary. This is the penultimate chapter. One more left. 
> 
> We are reaching the end rather quickly. 
> 
> Today I'll write the last chapter. 
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill my friends.


	85. The End

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

TG: hey so 

TG: todays the day 

TG: were gonna finally get off 

TG: collectively 

TG: if you know what I mean 

TT: Yes, I will politely ignore the sexual implications of that that were completely intentional for comedic effect, and skip to expressing agreement with your statement. 

TT: I’ll miss the tapestries. 

TG: is it weird that im gonna miss all of this place? 

TT: Not particularly. It was your home for three years. 

TG: yeah 

TG: i dont know 

TG: its just 

TG: cantown 

TG: my room 

TG: karkats room 

TT: All places you are intimately familiar with. 

TT: If you know what I mean. 

TG: i just know youre waggling your eyebrows 

TG: stop 

TT: My eyebrows are perfectly stationary Dave. I am afraid I haven't the slightest inkling as to what you're getting at. 

TG: yeah yeah fuck you too etc 

TG: and not in a sexy way just the malice 

TG: all the malice 

TG: my intent was purely malicious 

TT: Dave. Are you nervous as well? 

TG: fuck yes 

TT: Good. I find comfort in the fact that I'm not alone. 

TG: just like 

TG: my bro was uh 

TG: kinda a piece of shit 

TT: Agreed. 

TG: so 

TG: not too hyped about meeting teen bro 

TG: yeah 

TG: how about you and teen mom 

TT: She... 

TT: Is most likely a completely different person from my mother, but I would be lying if I said I didn't see any opportunity to perhaps burry some regrets I have. 

TT: Regarding my treatment of her. 

TG: do you think she loved you 

TT: I'm almost certain. 

TT: Except. I don't know. 

TT: I did love her. 

TT: Do. 

TT: She just wasn't the best mother. 

TT: I supposed she tried. 

TT: Despite her failings I feel I was too harsh on her while she was alive and I did love her and I just. 

TT: I miss her? 

TG: youre allowed to miss your mom and still be mad at her rose 

TT: I know. 

TG: ill have your back if youve got mine? 

TT: Yes. 

TG: hell yes 

TT: Hell fucking yes. 

TT: Thank you, Dave. 

TT: I have to go help Kanaya say goodbye to... Everything. I'm sure you have your hands full with the Mayor already. 

TG: nah he just 

TG: like we helped him have a goodbye cantown party thing 

TG: played music and danced and shit 

TG: it was cute 

TG: but he just wants to be alone with his people 

TG: and i can respect that 

TT: I hope he'll be okay. 

TG: yeah... 

TG: me too 

TG: bye then 

TT: Goodbye. 

TT: And. 

TT: Good luck. 

TG: you too 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

“What the fuck are you doing?” You hear, and come face to face with the offending fuckboy shoes of one Karkat Vantas. You smile. 

“I'm hanging upside down off the side of the couch” 

“I gathered that” he says, frowning before joining you in incorrect vertical direction. “I'm getting a strange sense of déjà vu” 

“Yeah me too.” 

He turns his head towards you. “You okay?” 

You look back at him “Yeah... I mean. I'm not too thrilled. But I'll be fine. You?” 

“Eh. Well I know I'm probably the one needing revival so. Not happy about that. But you know. Anything to get this shit over with.” 

“True. But I think you'll surprise yourself” 

“Maybe” 

You really hope he surprises himself. 

“You know you're not gonna stay dead, right?” 

“Yeah...” He doesn't sound sure. You don't want to argue with him just in case he's right. 

You kiss his cheek instead, but you don't know how much affection you can take right now while you're thinking about your brother, so you don't make any moves to get closer to him. He seems to pick up on it, because he simply pats your stomach, which feels weird considering it's folded backwards over the edge of the couch. 

“So what do you wanna do?” You ask, faraway with your thoughts, wanting it all to just arrive so it can be over. 

“Right now? Or if we win?” 

“After we win” 

“Assuming we are allowed to build a society the way we want it and govern it and live any live we please?” 

“Assuming that we’re not gods. Or can be unrecognizable as gods. Then we can just do whatever we want. What do you do?” 

“Hm. I guess I'd settle down? Live quietly. Write? I've always wanted to write a romance. Maybe I can write one without quadrants. Who the fuck knows? Okay, yeah no probably not. But I'll keep my options open. I'd want... A small hive with a big consumption block and table. And a big lawn ring. Plenty of guest respite blocks. Okay so many a big hive, but not from the outside. With... An underground floor and an upper floor. So it's not too big? I don't know. I just want lots of people there. The last thing I want is to be alone in a huge hive. But not too close to a huge population. I don't know. Not next to the ocean either, fuck that.” 

You start laughing “you keep saying that you don't know dude, but you seem like you have pretty specific ideas” 

“Well what do you wanna do?” He huffs 

Oh. Uh. Fuck. “I uh. Well. I kinda liked taking pictures when I was... Before the game. I also liked dead shit. And I still like mixes. So obviously a DJ photographer who's also an archeologist or something. I seriously don't know what I'd be up to, be if you don't mind the big house set up sounds pretty nice. Especially the lots of people. I don't think I could go back to eternal silence. And... I don't wanna be in a city either. Anything that feels like...” Like what? Like home? What's home? 

Is the meteor your home? 

Yeah. Kinda. Yes. 

“Here. I don't really wanna leave, man” 

He hums, looking faraway himself. 

“Can the house have a fire fighter style pole to slide down to the basement and into the completely necessary entertainment room?” You ask 

“Obviously” 

You smile and pat his stomach back. “Goodbye meteor” 

He lifts his middle fingers to the sky “goodbye fucked up game of assjunction” 

You laugh “Goodbye SBURB thanks for nothing!” 

“Hey Dave?” 

“Hm?” 

“I care about you” 

“I care about you too, Karkat”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT FRIENDS.
> 
> Here we come to the end of this glorious monstrosity!!!
> 
> If you want, you can leave a request for me to write a little thing for like an after fic sorta thing. Intermission style: as in it should've been able to happen within the confines of the fic. It can be a narrative or a pester log just tell me in the comment.
> 
> Also!!! I'm gonna write a Kingdomstuck after this as my next big project. It's davekat of course, but will be focused on politics and stuff and Karkat will be constantly screaming so yeah.
> 
> Also. I'd like to personally thank all of you reading this right now. You all mean the world to me, whether you've commented or not, and I'd like to dedicate this last chapter to all of you who have read this shitstorm all the way through. 
> 
> And above all: thank you for reading my swill.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a wild ride. If you have any questions about the fic, or you just wanna say hi, my tumblr is karkatastrophee (goddd idk how to do the fancy link thing so y'all gotta look me up! Sorry)


End file.
